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The only thing that keeps me going are my children...

i know... some people say im lucky to even have kids so i should be sad, and dont get me wrong i would die a thousand deaths just to see my children smile. they mean everything to me. but they are all i have. i have no friends, my family is ages away, my husband works all the time and his family hates me. i wait untill my children are asleep and then i cry untill my head feels like its going to explode and i pass out. my kids are so young that i spend all day in silence as they cant talk. my eldest is 3 and autistic so he doesnt talk and my youngest is only 12 weeks old. i have no friends no one to talk to my husband does his best but he cant be here for me all the time as he works to support us. i love him so much. but i hate sitting here hating myself all day. i love people i love talking to people and i know id be a great friend to someone but  i convince myself everyone hates me, though im fairly sure thats true, and then i spend all day convincing myself how much i hate people. and i cant keep on like this. im full of so so much hate and anger and lonliness. i just want one person to be my friend someone to have coffee with, someone who wants to be there for me as i know i would be for them. but as i write this i sit here crying my eyes out knowing that im going to look desperate and stupid and no one will really care, a few nice words maybe a suck it up or two and then back to living every moment waiting until my kids no longer need me so i can finally just go to sleep forever to stop feeling like this.

Re: The only thing that keeps me going are my children...

i sit here refreshing the page over and over. yet at this time of night its logical that everyones in bed, but i guess i could hope right. not that it ever gets you anywhere. hope is some sort of cruel joke.

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Re: The only thing that keeps me going are my children...

been to shrinks and and medicated, so i am doing everything the doctors say. diet exercise medication therapy ect ect never missed any of it. i want no one to mistake me for someone who would ever put anyone but her childrens saftey and happiness first.

Re: The only thing that keeps me going are my children...

Hi,

 

I think a lot of mothers would be able to identify with things you've said, both now and throughout past generations, companions are important.

You mentioned your eldest has autism, perhaps there is a support group or something you could join as well? 

When you're lonely it's so easy to believe that you're going to be that way forever, but why would no one like you? You're husband and children are all people that like you, others are certainly able to. Those other people just haven't met you yet, so you need to introduce yourself.

Are there any mothers groups in the area? A park where you could strike up a conversation with another parent? 

 

Do you keep in contact with your family? I know it's not the same as a friend you can see and hug every other day, but a bit of long-distance keeping in touch can certainly brighten my day. If you're not already then I recommend you consider anything and everything from Facebook, Skype, email through to phone-calls and old fashioned letters.

As you have such young children it's also a great reason to encourage people to come and visit. 

There's also a ton of online forums (such as this) which can help you feel less alone.

 

It's great that you're already seeing people to help yourself (I hope you're still seeing someone).

In regards to the worry of your last past, nothing you've said makes me at all think that you're selfish and/or that you'd want to do something to harm your children, it's obvious that you care so much for them which is a fantastic thing. 

I suspect a part of you wants help for yourself (as you should!) and a part of you wants help for there sakes, you should be proud of yourself for that. If you're not able to be so right now, when things are better I hope you're able to look back and be proud of it.

Re: The only thing that keeps me going are my children...

hi HMP

welcome to the forums Smiley Happy we're always here to provide support and a listening ear.

life sounds a bit tough on you at the moment. Smiley Sad the great thing is that you've posted and called out. there are plenty of resources available on RO some of which i've attached links to below

i think reach out for some assistance will do not only you but your children a lot of good. i'm sure they want you to be happier Smiley Happy have you looked at checking out local community groups that run activities for families ? maybe you could join a little hobbies and craft weekly meet or something ? just a little something for yourself if you can. otherwise there may be some activities that cater for your kids Smiley Happy i know that my local council runs quite a few events during the summer holiday as well which is a bonus

you're children are so lucky to have you.
and you're lucky as well to have them Smiley Happy

http://au.reachout.com/Tough-Times/Getting-help
http://au.reachout.com/Building-better-coping-skills

Re: The only thing that keeps me going are my children...

Look I know how you feel. I had a similar problem when I first had children. It gets a bit better when they go to school or daycare as you can get together with the other mums and help out.

 

Just getting out of the house once a day and talking to someone can do wonders. Even now I do not have many friends but have started other things. I started reading a lot more - I bought a kindle and read nearly a book a day which I love now. Escape into another world.

 It can be hard with little ones as you can not really stop all day. You feel like it will never end and they will never grow up.

My two now are ten and twelve and  I sometimes wish they were young again as they are growing up two fast. I still do not have many friends but have taken on some casual work now which keeps me busy.

 

My son lost a really important sports game the other day which he should have won and I spend the next week depressed about it. 

 

 

 

Re: The only thing that keeps me going are my children...

Hey HelpMePlease,

 

The others above have offered some really good advice, which I hope helps you a bit Smiley Happy

 

I'm not sure how old you are, but I just wanted to let you know that ReachOut.com is aimed at 14-25 year olds - you're absolutely welcome to share your experiences etc here, but it might happen that some of the information doesn't fit with you. It's quite common for parents to struggle with their own mental health, and it's awesome that your kids are a motivation for you to keep going - but you don't have to keep feeling this way. It's really important to have support people around, and the others have offered some good ideas for meeting people, but in the meantime, is there anyone that you could talk to? Could you call your family and let them know what is happening, or maybe talk to a doctor? Just to get some extra support. There's also parenting forums which can be a great place to talk to other people who might be going through similar things to you - http://raisingchildren.net.au/forum/ is a pretty popular Australian one, and as well as the forums where you can connect with others, there's loads of information on how to look after yourself and feel better here - http://raisingchildren.net.au/looking_after_yourself/looking_after_yourself.html

 

Take care - I hope things start to feel a bit better soon.

Re: The only thing that keeps me going are my children...

im only 23... born 30/11/1988. dont know where im giving off the old person vibe but thanks for making me honestly feel like i dont fit in anywhere. I seem to old to be surrounded by my own age group. awesome.

Re: The only thing that keeps me going are my children...

thanks for the book idea though, helps to keep my mind off things. re reading harry potter.

Re: The only thing that keeps me going are my children...

Hey there HelpMePlease... It's awesome that you've found us and despite how hard everything at the moment you've made it here and it's the right place for you. We're here 24/7 and you don't even need to leave your house to connect with all the great people who are here on these forums. You sound like you feel pretty lonely and isolated at home, and our forums are a really supportive community. You deserve to be happier and you can get there with some help. You absolutely belong here and we all really hope that you stick around.

 

It's sounds like you care so much about your family and you love them dearly - your kids and your husband. Now it's important that you love and care about yourself as much as you love and care for them. You should be really proud of yourself for getting professional help for yourself. Counselling can be hard work but I really hope that you stick with it - especially if you feel like you connect with your doctor/therapist and you can be honest with them...

 

Don't forget that if you are ever at home and feeling overwhelmed, Kids Help Line are there for everyone up to the age of 25 - you can chat with a counselor online or on the phone. If you ever wanted some extra support Anglicare have support services for young parents across the state.

 

Have a browse around ReachOut.com and see if any of the stories from other young people strike a chord with you - it can sometimes be really powerful to read about someone else making it through a tough time similar to our own, it can offer hope. This young woman overcame the loneliness of a restrictive medical condition that meant she was stuck in bed, and this story reveals the freedom gained from sharing problems. Depression can often trick you into believing it's unmanageable: this story shares one girls determination to understand her negative thoughts, and this factsheet also talks about overcoming negative thinking.

 

Have you ever tried an online help tool like moodgym or e-couch? You can learn behavioral skills online to help prevent and cope with depression. Smiling Mind is another app that uses mindfulness - a simple process that gives a sense of calm, clarity and contentment. We even have some activities here in the forum that can help change your perspective by challenging you to look for things you are gratful for - even when things seem bleak, check it out.

 

Welcome to the forums HelpMe Please, really hope to keep seeing you round.

Online Community Manager

ReachOut.com