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The same mistake again and again and again!

I was involved in a child abuse ring along with my two little sisters and stepbrother. My sisters from when they were one years old and myself from 6 years old.

 

I have just turned 45 and starting to wonder after a lifetime of struggling to lead a normal life will I ever make it?

 

Three marriages, my baby sister dead from suicide, my other sister also dead after a lifetime of heroin and dying alone after a horrific suspicious house fire, my son dead after a car accident and having later in his life rejected me and no way to turn back the clock.......but I still fight every day, to get up and go to work and to appear normal when really inside you can feel pieces falling apart.

 

James Blunt sang "I am not calling for a second chance, I am screaming at the top of my voice"

 

 

But I am calling for a second chance....but I know for sure I will make the same mistake again.

Re: The same mistake again and again and again!

Hey Kane,
I'm sorry to hear that you had to suffer child abuse and everything else you've suffered through.

I don't have an advice as per say, I just wanted to say that I've seen your post and I hope that you're okay.

I'm sure some of the other members will see your post and reply with some more useful info than what I've been able to right now.

Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

Re: The same mistake again and again and again!

Hi Kane1987 and welcome to the forums,

I can’t say I’m writing from experience but that must have been very challenging for both yourself and your step/siblings.

Have you tried speaking with your doctor about how you have carried the distress of these early traumatic events throughout your whole life? Your doctor may even refer you to a specialist such as a counsellor or psychologist that are appropriately trained and experienced in guiding you through the healing process. You could also speak to them about how you can stop repeating the same mistake.          

Take care,

bethechange    

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Re: The same mistake again and again and again!

Hi Kane1987,

 

I hope you feel welcomed to reach out. Although some of us replying have not experienced what you have been through over the years we are definitely here to listen and provide some potential suggestions to help you with what you are going through.

 

You may like to try this link here –

http://au.reachout.com/Tough-Times/Bullying-Abuse-and-Violence/Childhood-abuse

It is on child abuse and provides you with options to further explore some facts or read about other people’s experiences.

 

Another helpful section of the reach out site is loss and grief

http://au.reachout.com/Tough-Times/Loss-and-grief/Dealing-with-death

It is likely that you may have already searched the internet for help and may feel as though you have read facts before. However personal stories are sometimes helpful so you can feel like other people in the world can relate to what you have been through or experienced. Sometimes it provides a moment of “someone would get exactly how I am feeling” or “someone else has been through something similar to me”

 

Bethechange made a great suggestion about speaking to a doctor and seeking some professional help with everything you are trying to manage. Even If you are not comfortable seeing a professional to explore/talk about these experiences, they may be able to assist in finding support groups. This might be a preferable option for you.

 

 

Hopefully our suggestions are useful for you,

 

LL

Re: The same mistake again and again and again!

Hi all,

 

Thank you very much for all your replies and information provided.

 

Firstly I would like to apologise for creating the impression that I may have been at crisis point. There is some truth in the cliché of demons knocking at the door and occasionally for me, the demons do come knocking, however I am not on the edge but I do thank you all for your concern.

 

I have seen many doctors and have spent time in psychiatric hospitals dosed up with all types of drugs and to be honest after years in my twenties and thirties seeing doctors and taking all types of medications and becoming very familiar with the insides of psychiatric facilities, the help I needed was quite simple; I was on disability and decided to volunteer with a charity, after three years of volunteering (full-time) I was able to re-enter the workforce and have worked ever since.

 

There are times when (as when I wrote the post) that there are really dark times. Thankfully I have not felt the need for self-harm or suicide for over 12 years.

 

For me when I am being productive and working in a role that helps people I find that I am able to have greater control over the demons.

 

Unfortunately I am currently in work that does not provide me with the opportunity to help others, however I have enrolled in a certificate of Human Resources which I hope eventually will lead to employment in the recruitment/training field where I am able to help others such as myself.

 

In another way I know I should be grateful for whatever work that I have as it was only five years ago that I was on the streets of Sydney, homeless and alcoholic!

 

Anyway sorry for the rant, I just want you all to know I am ok but very appreciative of all your responses.

 

Re: The same mistake again and again and again!

hey kane1987,

 

I'm so sorry to hear what terrible tragedies you've suffered through. It sounds like you've had way more than you're fair share of heart breaking things happen to you. I'm also glad to hear that you've survived it and have been drawn to help others as a way of making sense of your own experiences. That's an amazing and very special gift to share.

Have you found any support groups for survivors of sexual assault that you think might work for you? Reach Out is geared towards 12-25 year olds so it may not be ideal for you. Also, I noticed you said you've been sober for 5 yers. Have you accessed any on-going support for that? You may find that something like AA is a good option.

And please don't apologise for your rant. Smiley Happy

Re: The same mistake again and again and again!

Hi all,

 

Didn't know that this forum was for "younger" set, but thanks for all the advice for this "oldie"...it was appreciated.

 

Wish I had some meaniful advice to give to kids that have had to suffer at the hand of those depraved adults out there...after I had my son I spent many years terrified that the abused would become the abuser and totally neglected to be the father I was meant to be...so in a way I was abusing him in a different form!

 

I know this is easier said than done... but they deprived us of our childhood, so don't let them deprive you of your adulthood....try to rise above it and become a doctor, a lawyer a teacher anything that can put you into a position so you can fight against these people that prey on children

 

Rise and rise again so the lambs become lions.

 

All the best to you all...I now have some demons to fight!