Re: The stuff that has happened (this might have a trigger, I don't really know)
I'm sorry about everything you've been going through, both then and now. I'm thankful that you still made it through difficult times and have the courage to open up somewhere I hope you feel comfortable in!
I guess I'm replying mostly because I feel like you're just like me, and I feel like I've never found someone just like me. Like literally, every sentence in your last two paragraphs is exactly me. I'm constantly nervous, socially inept, overthink, people complain that I apologize too much, and I play video games late at night too much to distract myself from dark thoughts, every word. I even made a post on this website because I felt like I had nowhere else to go. Perhaps not the same, I guess the only difference is that, though I have a supportive family, I guess I isolated myself from having friends simply because I thought I was an outcast diagnosed with autism until I entered high school (which was a false diagnosis that I didn't learn about until after I graduated). I feel like my anxiety has followed me into my mannerisms and my self-image. Honestly, I feel incredibly relieved about finding your post, knowing I'm not the only one like this.
I know this isn't about me but, if you're like me who felt like they're the only one, you're not alone.
Seriously, thank you for sharing your experience...
Thank you for lending your support in this post I think it's really comforting to know there are people just like us and it was powerful for you to share that. I can sense by reading your comment that you identified some heavy emotions that I'm sure many people would also relate to.
How do you feel about exploring this further in a thread of it's own here? I think the community could take a lot from discussing the feelings you have been brave enough to share with us.