Think I might be suffering from borderline personality disorder

[Pasta]

Hey @Jess1-RO,

The techniques were pretty easy to do so it was good.

Probably just use the same one I've been using prior, the naming one. 

[Pasta]

I really thought I moved on, I thought I would just forget but it's never that easy is it... I really want to just know the reasoning behind it, if I've done something wrong, I don't know. I want to ask but I know I will just be ignored.

[Pasta]

Today was so exhausting from just everything, I am so empty within. I don't think I really know who I am and I don't think anyone else knows the real me. Less than a week before I finish school, it's too much to think about. I feel like I'm stuck between moving on and holding onto everything, I feel like I can't move.

[TOM-RO]

Hey @Pasta 

I'm sorry to hear you've been having a hard time. It sounds like you're struggling with your identity at the moment, which can be very hard to deal with. These feelings are probably exacerbated by the transitioning phase you're going through at the moment. I think because you'e leaving high-school, and ultimately entering adulthood, it's probably triggering questions such as what is my purpose? Where am I heading? Etc. Is that correct? 

Is there anyone you can look to for support right now? It sounds like you're really struggling with a few things, and I think it would be best if you expressed these feelings to a trusted individual. No one deserves to go through things like this alone . We are obviously here for you too, as much as we can be (we are limited of course, being an online forum). 

[Pasta]

@TOM-RO there's no one that I can really trust, not anymore. If I try and say something to my parents they will become concerned, mostly my mum. Might call khl I really don't know at the moment.

[Bre-RO]

Hey @Pasta 

I'm sorry to hear you feel like there's nobody you can trust - that must make you feel really alone  

I can relate to not wanting to make loved ones concerned. I think it's really common to think things like "they have enough on their plate" or "I don't want to worry them". Something I've learnt is that people being concerned for you is actually just them loving you. When you love and care for someone you will worry for them if they aren't coping well. That is completely normal and I'm sure your mum would much rather know what's going on for you than not know. 

Do you think there's anything you could do to open up a dialogue with mum? It sounds like she would really want to be there to support you  

[MisoBear]

Hi @Pasta 

I'm sorry to hear you're going through a difficult time at the moment. I definitely second what @Bre-RO said about thinking that others have too much on their plate to deal with what you're going through. Often we think we can get through things alone, or we don't want to burden others. I just want you to know that sometimes we do need support from other people. It can be really difficult to deal with things by ourselves, and sometimes other people can share perspectives which we hadn't through of before. It can be really difficult to talk to parents about what's going on, but if it's safe to do so, I would encourage you to think about having a chat with your mum. We're always here for you on RO as well. 

[Pasta]

Thankyou @Bre-RO and @MisoBear  for you kind and understanding words. I understand everything that's been said but I just don't feel comfortable talking to my mum about it, I find it hard to get the words out in general to anyone about this sorta stuff.

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @Pasta, it is okay to feel uncomfortable or not ready. Your mum may initially feel concerned or worried about you as she cares.. but opening up the conversation may allow her to support you or help you to build other supports. This way, she knows you have someone to talk to when you really need it. It can be difficult to open up these types of conversations but it does get easier, the more that you do it. I know a lot of members here really value different ways of communication. For example, some people have found it comfortable to write a letter or to write how they are feeling, rather than speak. Do you think something like this would be helpful for you?

Sometimes I find it difficult to get my words together too.. so when the moment feels right, I write a note on my phone about how I am feeling.. whether it is happy, sad, excited etc

[Pasta]

@Taylor-RO I am unsure why I can't but I just can't, I want to keep this separate from friends and family. I think it's being perceived different by others, I'm not quite sure. Don't want others to think I'm someone I'm not but I sorta am doing that, I don't know.

I'm suprisingly not freaking out about the graduation, think I've convinced myself that it's not that big of an event. I'm sure once everything starts happening and I come to the realisation that everything is happening on the day it's going to be, yikes.