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This is fucked up

So one of my friends died on Friday. 

It's only kinda just hit me tonight after something dad said to me. 

 

What's fucked up is I wish it was me. Why didn't I die on Wednesday. Im seeing what death is doing to those around me but I don't care, I still want to die. It's fucking fucked up and selfish. I'm not even sad for my friend, I don't understand, I just feel nothing.

I would give everything for my friend to be alive and me getting put in the ground. 

===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
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Re: This is fucked up

hey there @redhead it sounds like you are taking the loss of your friend quite hard tonight. You've spoken a lot about wanting to end your life - have you told someone at the hospital you are having these thoughts/urges?

Re: This is fucked up

@TOM-RO yeh
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: This is fucked up

is there anything we can do to help on the forum tonight? @redhead

Re: This is fucked up

@TOM-RO how do you even grieve for someone while your suicidal.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: This is fucked up

That's a tough question, but I guess grieving can only be done when it's meant to happen. Whatever emotions come to you are OK and it's important to be aware of that.

Sometimes because those emotions are so strong...it links into having suicidal thoughts too

Re: This is fucked up

@TOM-RO I was suicidal before I found out my friend died, I attempted tue/wed and my friend died Friday.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: This is fucked up

It was my friends memorial today and I couldn't go because I'm stuck in hospital Smiley Sad
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: This is fucked up

Hey @redhead. So sorry truly. I cannot imagine.. 

 

Want to talk a bit? What's going on in your mind now?

Re: This is fucked up

@Bree-RO I don't know how to deal with her death. I also dont know how to stop wanting to join her.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire