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Tired of being me!

Hi. I'm R. 25, pregnant. I' m not really Australian based. Came from the Philippines. 

i have a boyfriend, were now 6 years. He always gets drunk. And now that im pregnant, he keeps on drinking. But, i do feel his love for me. The only problem is that, he's an alcoholic.

 

will i leave him?

im tired of giving everything for him

i do the work at office, he has no job. 

what am i gonna do? 
Im sick of organizing everything all the time. Even his cover ups for his mom when hes drunk. I always save him from his moms sermon.

 

im so tired and pregnant

will i leave him??

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Re: Tired of being me!

Hi @raineghjkl, this sounds like a really tough situation with your partner and would be even more difficult with you being pregnant. I’m sure you’re exhausted and quite frustrated. It sounds like you’re partner really cares about you but his alcoholism is becoming more of a problem. Have you tried to tell him how you feel about his drinking? Maybe he would benefit from seeing a psychologist to help deal with his alcoholism. It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot of stress at the moment so try to take care of yourself.

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Re: Tired of being me!

Hi @raineghjkl! Welcome to the forums!
It sounds like you're feeling frustrated with your boyfriend's drinking, which is understandable, especially as you have a child on the way. I'm glad that he cares about you, but at the same time, it must be so exhausting that he's so dependent on you. You sound like a really caring person who has done all they can to support him. I can understand you being on the fence about whether or not you want to continue the relationship. It sounds like a really tough decision to make. Smiley Sad
How do you think your relationship would change if your boyfriend drank less? If you told him about your concerns, how do you think he would respond?

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Re: Tired of being me!

Hi @raineghjkl,
I am so sorry that you are in a tough situation during the pregnancy, it must be really hard. Have you tried sit down and talk to him about how his alcoholism affects the relationship and your emotion? I think it really depends on his attitude about changing and how you think about the relationship because it is veryyy difficult to get rid of binge drinking as it influences people's brain and alters the brain functioning physiologically. There are some programs that help with alcoholism, maybe you can have a look at that if he decides to change.
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Re: Tired of being me!

Hi @raineghjkl, I'm so sorry to hear about this, this is a really tough situation to be in, especially considering you're pregnant. I'm here for you Heart

 

I definitely agree with @Bingo1234  that seeing some kind of professional help is likely the best thing for him; addiction is very serious & scary for everyone involved. I think it's important to remember that addiction is a complex disorder of the mind and body and can be very difficult for someone to get out of, even if they want to. 

 

Is it possible for you two to seek some kind of counselling/mental health service together? He may be more open to this than going by himself, and it will allow you to talk about how you're feeling about the situation (how you feel about his drinking, the fact you're the only one with a job) with a professional as well Heart If he's not willing or this doesn't work though, I definitely don't think you should feel bad for removing yourself from the situation, especially if that is what's best for you and your baby. I understand it's a very complicated situation though, and I wish you all the best.

 

Take care, and I hope things get better Heart

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Re: Tired of being me!

Hi @raineghjkl that sounds really tough and frustrating. I hope your doing okay,  Everyone has given such great advice and things for you to think about. Another thing that could be good to think about is how you feel about his drinking when the comes and if he will able to support with his alcoholism now and when the baby comes. I hope things work out for you

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Re: Tired of being me!

Hey just following up. I noticed you posted this a few days ago. How are you feeling now? 

 

I just wanted to add that I feel for you. It must be exhausting to be in your situation. I also know someone who has personally been in a similar situation (with 2 kids and her husband doesn't work either, while she works and looks after the kids).

 

Everyone's relationship is different and I'm sure you and him have a history. But, I just wanted to say that I hope you can prioritise your needs and especially your child's needs. Alcoholism is a bloody hard thing to get rid of and I hope you have a space that is safe that you can go to for the sake of you and your child.

 

I hope you and your partner can work things out and reach a point where there is an equality in the relationship. This may mean referring him to see a psychologist to work through his alcoholism? 

 

Also, something I learned myself the other day that may help you is that I learned what respect really means for the first time last week. I work with a psychologist and he basically said that respect is having your voice heard and acknowledged and valued. So, if you believe that his alcoholism is impacting your wellbeing and you let him know. I hope he can respect that and change his ways for you.

 

Anyways, everyone on this forum is here to support you. I hope you find the time to respond just so we know you're doing alright!

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Re: Tired of being me!

Hello guys, thanks for your concern!

 

i'm sorry, i'm quite busy within this past few days..

 

i'm okay now. I just think that i have mothing to do with my situation right now.

 

thank you! Love you all.

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Re: Tired of being me!

that's ok @raineghjkl! We'll be here for you when you need us Smiley Happy 

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Re: Tired of being me!

Hi @raineghjkl 

 

Thank you for reaching out to our community for help and support, I'm also from the Philippines but luckily Reach Out is a place for all Australians regardless of background. We're simply here to support one another. 

 

You have been so strong for your family and I'm proud of you for getting this far. As for what to do, if you have anyone with you such as siblings, friends, or a mentor that you can approach for support then I would consider that even though it will be hard, you deserve more support than you currently are getting, and don't forget that we are here for you. Additionally, do you think that calmy discussing with him or even with his mother about the situation that you are facing be helpful such as the amount he drinks or his plans in supporting you and the child? or are there complications that make it not ideal?

 

I'm glad to know you are okay now and don't feel bad for not finding the time to reply straight away. Life gets busy, and you are going through a complex situation. I'm just happy to hear you are doing better in some way.

 

Take care friend, let us know if you need us