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Toxic Relationships

"I feel uncomfortable when I hang out with you guys.

 

You see, when we were little, we all hung out together. When we had a conversation, I felt like you guys left me out. When you guys or my older sister said something, you guys would laugh and even respond with things like “That’s so funny!” or “Good idea!”. But when I said something, you guys would ignore it or even say stuff like “ Did you say something?”. It made me feel left out and uncomfortable, sometimes even lonely.

 

Then we started playing on Roblox, and it felt even worse. I felt like you guys started forcing me to do what you guys wanted me to do when I was already enjoying what I was doing. And when I would go to bed after my cutoff, you guys would play other games with my sister, and you guys laughed more.

 

When I played with my school friends, I felt more comfortable. When I played with you guys, though, I felt lonely and distant. I also started thinking about how if I wasn’t born, nothing would change since you guys still ignore me.

 

I remember telling my friend, and she said to confront you guys. I did, but nothing changed. I even wanted to delete our group chat and your contacts, but I felt uncomfortable doing so since I was worried about somebody finding out.

 

Then a thought came into my mind: the only reason we’re friends is because our parents are friends. It made me feel more uncomfortable since I couldn’t open up and unfriend you guys. My mind flooded with sadness and loneliness, and I felt even more uncomfortable around you guys, just wanting to open up about it. I did multiple things just to get your attention, but not a single thing was thanked.

 

So you see, I’ve wanted to tell you both for so long, and I should’ve a long time ago."

 

I wrote these very words on a google doc a while back, to confront my friends.

 

Toxic relationships. It's hard going through them. Especially if you aren't good through confrontations. Do you have a friend who takes advantage of you? Do your friends ditch you for someone? If so, you may have a toxic relationship.

 

No worries, I have created this forum for anybody who wants to open up about a toxic relationship or give advice to someone.

 

I've been through one that I am still going through. As far back as I remember, my "friends" have ignored me to hang out with my older sister. They then started trying to get me to do what they wanted. It made me feel lonely and uncomfortable around them. And they have the nerve to text me over 100 times a day (I am not joking, they do this.) 

 

Unfortunately, I am not good with confrontations, so I am stuck with them until after college. My only plan is to ignore them after college and not invite them to my house. If you have any other better ideas though, put them down below.

Re: Toxic Relationships

Hey @FunTurtle I’m sorry to hear that your going through this and that this has been happening for a long time. It sounds like this has been really tough but I hear you and I understand. You are deserving of having friends who value you and your time! 

When they come over now is it possible to invite a friend over or go out and have a really fun time away from them? And just slowly start the process of distancing, or is that really uncomfortable as it might lead to confrontation?

 

I’m sorry to hear that you are stuck with them for now Smiley Sad but it’s amazing that you shared your story to encourage others to do so and share advice! 

Re: Toxic Relationships

Hi @FunTurtle, I just noticed you posted this here as well as the chit chat threat so I'm reposting my reply so we can talk about it in this thread where it's more relevant Smiley Happy
I'm sorry to hear that those two aren't being kind to you. I can understand that it's hard to stand up for yourself, especially when this has been going on for a long time. I'm proud of you for trying it! It sounds like your friend from school does care about you, and I'm glad for that.

I think @WinterCalvino has a great idea for putting some distance between you and them. Personally, I think you have no obligation to give them two seconds of your time if they won't treat you with respect. Standing up for yourself doesn't have to always be a long speech like what you wrote (although it's great you're able to write out your feelings like that), sometimes it's most effective to just say no, and refuse to get into any argument about whether or not you can say no. You can, and anyone else can complain all they like but if they're upset with you looking out for yourself then that's just too bad for them.

Re: Toxic Relationships

Thanks for the support!

 

Lately, I've been trying distancing. And I have another friend who I can hang out with, though occasionally since she lives far from me.

Re: Toxic Relationships

I'm glad to hear that distancing yourself from the situation has been working out for you @FunTurtle, and it's super lovely that you're  able to catch up with your other friend as well Smiley Happy 

Re: Toxic Relationships

@FunTurtle I can hear the pain this has caused you, I hope you can time some for yourself do something you enjoy and I'm glad to hear you have started distancing yourself.

Re: Toxic Relationships

Hi @FunTurtle, it's very brave that you try to distance yourself from them because it actually influences a lot of things since your parents are friends, and I'm glad that you step forward. I just wanna suggest don't do the things that they force to do (things that you don't want to do) because that will make they feel more controlled on you (actually I think that's literally bullying you). And have you tried to speak with your older sister about that?

Re: Toxic Relationships

Hey, it's FunTurtle

I wasn't brave enough to try since if I accidentally said something mean to
them, my sister would glare at me. I'm worried that she will do the same
thing if I stand up to them

Re: Toxic Relationships

I'm sorry to hear that you were so stressed about talking about this in front of your sister @FunTurtle , do you think you could have a conversation with her one on one about it before hand?