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Re: I might be non-binary

@SomeoneNADJS 

Firstly, non-binaryness is a word that I might steal now..

 

There are some alarming statistics, but a lot of it depends on your situation. It mostly means that you have to be aware of who knows what.

I don't know if your body's AFAB or AMAB. I know that it is generally safer show your NBness if you're AFAB, because people will assume you're a tomboy or something. If you're AMAB, it might be a bit harder, but still totally possible, and I've read from a few folks who've found things that work for them. 

 

Maybe writing down a list of what could go well and what could go wrong would help? That way you could find ways to increase the gains, reduce the risks and re-asses whether coming out is worth it; before deciding on a plan that you're all happy with. 

 

I'd also suggest looking at the Minus18 website, since they have some great dysphoria reducing ideas. (plus lots of rainbows. If any of you like rainbows you'd probably enjoy the website...)

 

Hopefully whatever you decide to do will go well for you all. 

Re: I might be non-binary

[N] @Tiny_leaf For non-binariness/non-binaryness, feel free to steal it Smiley Happy Our body's AMAB. I've had a quick read of a few pages. In the next few hours, we may discuss this in greater detail. Sounds like a good plan. If we're all okay with it, we'll report our thoughts back here. Thanks for the idea Smiley Happy

Re: I might be non-binary

@SomeoneNADJS ah, I'm AFAB so I won't have as many dysphoria-managing tips, but I can find you some links if you'd like.

 

I hope it goes well, and there's no pressure for you to share anything that any of you are uncomfortable with saying.

Re: I might be non-binary

Hey @SomeoneNADJS,
How have you been lately?

Haven’t seen you in a while!

// Nothing is impossible. The word itself says “I’m Possible” //

Re: TW Trans/Non-Binary and Plural Stuff

Warning: This post mentions gender dysphoria and suicidal thoughts. We're safe though, so don't worry about us going anywhere.

 

[R] Hi, it's N. Although I'm changing my initial to R from now on. It's still me.

 

I don't remember how long ago it was since any of us posted on here. I think I'd already said something about T joining us when I came on here before. It's still the six of us (me, A, D, J, S and T).

 

Our dysphoria still here. It's been getting worse and worse in the last few months. I've been taking the majority of it, and I only realised a few days ago how much S was being impacted by it as well. Everyone else's is pretty mild. About mid-July, I told our mum that I was non-binary, and she told our dad (with my permission) a few days later.

 

S used to be male, but I'm not sure if anyone said this, but ze is now non-binary and using ze and hir pronouns. I decided a while ago I didn't like they/them pronouns all that much anymore, so now I'm using female pronouns. I now feel like I'm closer to female. Sometimes I feel like I'm binary female, and sometimes I feel like there's a bit of non-binary in there.

 

So, our group is now four females (I'm including myself in there), one male and one non-binary. We've all been thinking about transitioning to female in the future. A, J, T and I have all been seriously considering it. Until recently, D and S had been unsure whether they wanted to consider taking hormones in the future (S doesn't want to be seen as male and D wasn't sure if he wanted to look like that either). For a while D's been saying we should transition if that's what I need, and has been a bit uncomfortable with being male on the outside I think. Before he'd keep changing his mind but he's stuck with what he said for the last few days. S wants to transition now as far as I know. We haven't all decided as a group that this is what we'll do, but I'm hoping we'll be able to.

 

As a group, we're going to keep saying we're non-binary to other people so we all have a bit more freedom to do what we like with our expression.

 

As for swapping control, which I've talked about a little bit I think, for months it's mostly been me. A took control for a couple of seconds a few days ago while I watched to ask a friend if she was alright, but other than that, someone other than me controlling our body has been quite rare. Reason why is because of worries that they'll make me worse if they also get dysphoric. Hopefully that's an irrational fear, and maybe we might be able to share the load of dysphoria.

 

Dysphoria has been accompanied by suicidal thoughts a lot of the time too. It's only been me who's had them. Luckily I'm not going to do anything because we have each other for support and I don't want to kill anyone else here (we do share a body, after all). It's gotten to the point where I thought of a way to kill myself, but I don't have what I'd need to do it, so even if I was going to try, I wouldn't be able to. I'm still quite miserable a lot of the time. It's been hard, but if it was just me by myself I could've been worse.

 

Anyway, the six of us are safe. We're still alive. 

 

Other than that, we've been seeing a GP and a psychologist for our dysphoria. I've been the one controlling our body for those moments, but it's been hard to talk because a) I've been quite nervous and scared, and b) I'm worried about what D and S want, and I don't want to push their lives in a direction they don't want. I think we're getting closer to a point where we all might want the same thing, so hopefully someday in the future we're all going to be alright. No one who has physically met me or any of us knows there's more than one of us. I'm also going to be going to a support group of LGBTQ+ in a week or two, so I'm not really sure what to expect there.

 

It's also less than a month until A and D's first birthdays, and little over a month until J's. Not sure if we're going to do anything on those days but it looks like for D's birthday at least we'll be on a holiday (which we were on one when he first came to A and I last year). Again, also not sure how long it was since we last posted, but I had my 16th birthday a few months ago too. For T and S, we'll have to wait until December and January.

 

Edit: Hi @xXLexi_Lou122Xx!

Re: TW Trans/Non-Binary and Plural Stuff

Hi @SomeoneNADJS!!

I'm happy to hear you're all still around Smiley Happy

 

Do you think demigirl might describe you R? It's like somewhere in between female and NB, but closer to female.

 

If your dysphoria's the worst out of the six of you, it might be a good thing that you're the one doing the talking. You can always tell your gp that you need some more time to decide, and write down everyone else's questions and thoughts to take to the appointment with you if that might help.

A lot of people will do stuff like that even if they aren't part of a system, so you won't have to "out" yourselves to do that.

 

I'm glad to hear that you're safe, and starting to get help with the dysphoria!

 

Oooh, do all the birthdays mean you'll get to eat cake??

(can you tell that I think with my stomach? Smiley Tongue)

Re: TW Trans/Non-Binary and Plural Stuff

[R] @Tiny_leaf Hello again!

 

I'm not sure if demigirl describes me or not. Maybe I'm a bit fluid with that. A major part of this for all of us is also being able to express ourselves how we want rather than being forced into social norms, so maybe I'm just non-conforming rather than non-binary. I don't know. Spark's thinking ze might be a demiboy, but I think I'm a lot closer to female than ze is to male.

 

Yeah, that's one of the reasons. Also because I'm the brain's default to be controlling the body. The good thing is though, sometimes we're able to have me and someone else both awake so we can both think of stuff. Usually I'm quite emotionally tired though, and that affects their ability to stay up some of the time.

 

That's a good idea. Yeah, on Thursday the six of us had a conversation for over an hour that I managed to type down on whether or not to say anything to our psychologist and/or our GP about our plurality and what we wanted about transitioning. This was one of the few times S has wanted to say anything about transition, and I didn't realise that the reason ze was so avoidant of the topic was because ze had pretty bad dysphoria too, and was scared of transitioning mainly because of social impacts. I might have to go around to get some questions before our next appointment.

 

Thanks! We're still continuing with a KHL counsellor who has mainly talked to D and I (although mostly me), and recently I've been on Headspace. I used to contact QLife instead of Headspace when I needed support, but I stopped because sometimes if I mentioned our plurality we would get turned away (although usually I brought it up in relation to wanting to transition, so considering that we have different gender identities, I'm not sure they knew what to say).

 

Not sure we'll get to eat cake since no one we know on the outside knows about our plurality. Although, we have a cousin, a friend, and our mother with birthdays on consecutive days starting a week after D's, so maybe we can have some cake then.

Re: TW Trans/Non-Binary and Plural Stuff

Hi @SomeoneNADJS, thanks for sharing all of that with us here. Non-conforming sounds like it is pretty ideal for you. It can be a pretty difficult thing to figure out, so give yourself some space and time Heart Were any decisions reached from the conversation about the psychologist/GP? It might take a few discussions before you are 100% on what to say. If you feel comfortable, you can share some questions here if you need any help. If not, that is okay too.. let us know how we can best help through this. It sounds like you have a few supports and have figured out which ones are most helpful for you. That is AMAZING and sometimes the hardest part on this journey Smiley Happy

Re: TW Trans/Non-Binary and Plural Stuff

[R] Hi @Taylor-RO!

 

If by decisions with our GP/psychologist, you mean to do with transitioning, not yet. I haven't said all that much yet since D and S haven't really been all that confident about transition until like the past week. It might make it a little easier to talk about these things if all six of us want the same thing and I don't have to worry about going against anyone's wishes. I'll have to wait and see if either of them change their minds. I'm still unsure about their confidence about what will happen if that's the route we try and go down.

 

Thanks. A lot of the time I just need to talk stuff out. A lot of the time the others in our system will get tired from sharing brainpower with me or also get dysphoric, so sometimes it's hard to talk between us about these things. Some of the others might come on here to talk too if things get hard for them.

 

I'm also not really sure what to say when I go back to our psychologist. Pretty sure I'm going to see her at some point this week, and I'm not really sure what to say. It's quite difficult to talk about a lot of the stuff going on for us when I have to pretend that no one else exists. We haven't really made all that much progress other than she knows I'm dysphoric and thinking of transitioning.

Re: TW Trans/Non-Binary and Plural Stuff

Hi @SomeoneNADJS 

 

I am really glad to hear that talking through things here is helpful, sharing your story here will also really help others Heart 

 

It sounds like all of you are working through this together and having discussions which is so important, and exploring resources. Its understandable that you unsure of what you want to say to psychologist, as I can't even imagine all the complexities you all are navigating, I really like the idea that @Tiny_leaf  had about getting everyone's questions together. And hopefully the others will come on here and talk through things as well.

 

In the gender live discussion we had there were some really great discussions, that may be of interest, especially the different resources that we listed on the last page. 

 

We are here to listen Heart