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Re: TW Trans/Non-Binary and Plural Stuff

[R] @Claire-RO Thank you! I've had a read through.


It turns out that the psychologist's appointment was supposed to be on Tuesday, not today. Anyway, we didn't go because our psychologist was sick and our mum notified me via text while I was at school. Today's been pretty miserable (mainly dysphoria), and tonight I'm finishing off a large assignment I've been working on since late June and printing off 40+ pages of work (although a lot of those pages are taken up by images).


I also chatted with our KHL counsellor the other day, and now I've got some ideas for what to try and do to move forward with transitioning. I think we're alright with it, but I'm still not sure D feels okay about it even though he keeps telling me it's fine. Our mum has told me it's probably best to transition after finishing school, so I'm hoping that at least we might be able to stop our male puberty from progressing for now, since none of us are happy with it continuing.


The way I came out to our mum was via a printed Word document, and I've been writing another one talking about my suicidal thoughts and what I (and everyone else here) want(s) so we can either try and start transitioning or try and get puberty blockers. Our KHL counsellor and I also made a safety plan a while ago, so I'm planning on giving her a copy too (minus anything that mentions plurality).


I haven't finished writing the document, and I'll have to go and ask for everyone's approval before I hand it over. Mainly I've avoided talking about these topics because I'm both scared to speak up and also because our mum's been up in the early hours of the morning worrying I'm going to kill myself. I think it's important I say something, because most of the time when I'm suicidal I just try and hide it and don't say anything, and also because in the last two weeks on a few nights it's kept me up past 1:30am (which doesn't really help any of us).


We'll be seeing the psychologist again next Tuesday. The plan is, since I'm usually too afraid to speak, either A or J might take over while I watch to make communication a bit easier. We might need to have a bit of practice first.

Re: TW Trans/Non-Binary and Plural Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS Hi R, thanks for keeping us updated. I'm really sorry that the dysphoria seems to be getting you and the others lately. I'm really glad that you have a safety plan in place with your KHL counsellor. We really appreciate you confirming your safety, so thank you. I just wanted to say that if you are having suicidal thoughts you can always contact Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467, or Lifeline on 13 11 14. We're always here to support you, but it's really important that you have some 1 on 1 support during these times. Heart


It appears that you feel somewhat apprehensive to discuss these suicidal thoughts with your mum because of what might happen afterwards, is that right? I understand where you're coming from as I've been there as well. I've been worried about adding extra worries on top of everything else my parents worry about. But from my experience, my parents would prefer to know about things like this than not know. That doesn't necessarily make it easy to talk about, but I hope that this helps a little. Giving your mum a copy of your safety plan sounds like a great idea.


I'm very glad you have another appointment with your psychologist coming up. Have you found them helpful so far?


Thinking of you all. Heart Good luck with your assignment!

Re: TW Trans/Non-Binary and Plural Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS no worries at all I hope all of you found the discussion helpful.


Sorry to hear that the day was pretty tough, but it also sounds like you are able to still focus on your assignment. That sounds like a big task 40 pages, good on you for persisting! It also sounds like you have have identified some strategies with your KHL counselor, and that your mum is a good support, that is really great to hear.


It is so brave to talk about what is happening for all of you and to seek help, that is a massive Heart. Things have been pretty tough, but all of you are really working hard which is awesome, it might also be good to have some chill time, are things that you all do that helps with self care?


Re: TW Trans/Non-Binary and Plural Stuff

[R] @mrmusic Thank you for those numbers. We just got assigned a Headspace counsellor a few days ago, and our first appointment will be tomorrow night. It's taken a while, but last night I finally printed off the notes and the safety plan last night, but I haven't given it to our mum yet. Our psychologist has been somewhat helpful, but with me being afraid to talk and voice dysphoric, we haven't gotten very far. We also didn't see her last week because she was sick. That assignment's finally done. It ended up being nearly 60 pages long in the end.


@Claire-RO Thank you. Yeah, we need to get a bit more chill time. This is our last week of school before the holidays. I've been exhausted because I've been up past 1am for three consecutive nights now, so I just had a shower and collapsed on our bed and fell asleep until 7 this afternoon. I think the six of us need to spend a bit more time together, since they spend large portions of time unconscious and it's good to be able to have someone to talk to whenever (unless they're too tired or don't want to). Mostly I just use distractions when the dysphoria gets bad.


This weekend wasn't too bad, but this week we've got two assignments due. One is about coding circuits, and I'm still trying to figure out the coding language, and the other is a group task, and one of the components is a video for PE. Didn't have a great time this morning when I'd been up late from feeling suicidal, woke up dysphoric, and then realised I was supposed to be there to film the video for the group task at the same time today as I needed to see a teacher about the coding language from the other assignment. I managed to get through school alright in the end though. Turned out the script writer didn't want to film today, so we're filming the whole thing tomorrow at lunch (the day before it's due).


Anyway, I'm planning on giving her the note tonight, so the tears probably aren't over for me yet. I should probably get back to doing homework now, but I'll be online a bit later tonight.

Re: TW Trans/Non-Binary and Plural Stuff


I'm sorry that today was so hard for you R...


I've heard of a few voice exercises that can let you make your voice a bit higher or lower pitched without straining it too much, would you like me to find you some?

From memory it is possible to switch between masculine and feminine voices if you do that, so I think that'd let each of you decide roughly how you'd like your voice to sound while you're speaking.

Re: TW Trans/Non-Binary and Plural Stuff

[R] Hi @Tiny_leaf Yes please, that would help. Also, from memory, someone else other than me has spoken aloud, I'm not sure if this is just because we're used to hearing each other in a similar way, but we noticed A sounds slightly higher and D sounds a bit deeper than my voice. No one on the outside's picked up on (especially because of how infrequently anyone else is in control), but I think that could help us a lot.

Re: TW Trans/Non-Binary and Plural Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS would you be wanting to make your voice higher?


And I wouldn't be surprised if your voices changed between you.

Honestly my voice changes slightly just as my gender does; it's apparently higher pitched when I'm more feminine. And more "bouncy" apparently.

Re: TW Trans/Non-Binary and Plural Stuff

[R] @Tiny_leaf Yes please. That's interesting. I'm still yet to find out about J, S and T's voices.


Also, it looks like there's been a slight change of plans about that note. Our mum has this stuffed bear that she likes, and I stupidly hid it in the back of its shirt. She hasn't found it yet, and I'm not going to be able to get it back until tomorrow morning.

Re: TW Trans/Non-Binary and Plural Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS okay, I've found a few things.


One thing worth noting though is that there seem to be two parts to changing your voice.

One is the range your vocal chords can physically (and comfortably) speak at, the other is the pitch you're used to speaking at.

So for R and possibly A, it might take some more practice to automatically speak in a higher voice, since you're used to speaking in your current one.

For J, S and T, I've got no idea if you'd all need to practice to get used to a voice that fits, or if it'd just happen automatically once your physical vocal range increases.. still, having a bigger physical vocal range would definitely help.


And another important thing, take it slowly and stop if you feel like you're straining your voice.

I don't know if you've ever tried to sing or speak for too long and ended up losing your voice, but I've done that a few times and it is not fun.


This article has some really good tips:

Also it's written by a trans woman, which tends to be a good sign for stuff like this.

She suggests a lot of exercises which are fairly easy to do possible to understand without taking a human anatomy course.

This link has some tips on raising the pitch of your voice, but also how to use language and speech sounds in a more feminine way.


One other option is professional voice coaching.

A lot of trans and NB people find this really useful, especially if they want to sound more feminine. I'd suggest looking for one who works with genderqueer and non-binary people, in part because it'd probably be nicer for those of you who're NB, but also because they might be more understanding about you maybe wanting to use a different voice at different times. 

Re: TW Trans/Non-Binary and Plural Stuff

Hi @SomeoneNADJS 


I feel you about needing chill time and being busy with school work, I can't wait until the middle of October when my four uni assessments are all done. That sounds like a good idea to try and have all of you spend time together. What are you plans for the school holidays ?