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Trigger

I don't know how to cope with everything I'm going through. I don't even know how to think.

When I saw my gp on Wednesday it kinda hit how much damage I did when I tried to suicide in May and June. My body went through much and it's not really recovering. I guess that's why I've been so tired all the time. 

And this doesn't make it easier to cope with being homeless. I want my own space, my stuff, etc. I know I can't live by myself anymore and have to get into supported accommodation but that's scary, like what if I'm not accepted. I don't have anywhere to live. 

I want to move on from my past but I don't know how to do that. 

I want my ED to get bad just so I can lose the weigh that I've been forced to gain. 

I want to know what's real and what's not. My increased meds kinda helping with that but it's still hard. Psychosis sucks. 

And I'm freaking our about starting therapy next week. I don't know how I'll cope with it. I don't know if she'll believe me. 

And then there's all the other typical bpd stuff like stupid triggers and dumb emotions. 

 

I don't know how to process this stuff and what to focus on first. 

===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: Trigger

Hey @redhead, I'm really sorry to hear that things have been so overwhelming. It must be really hard to want to move on but not know how. I think you are an incredibly amazing and resilient person for being able to keep going despite all the difficulties you have and are facing. Your determination and effort is truly admirable, it takes a lot of courage and strength to seek help even though it can be daunting.
Have you tried breaking down the tasks or things you want to do bit by bit? Maybe you've tried to prioritise as well and I can understand that it must be very difficult to do that when there's so much going on for you. What's been keeping you going so far?

Re: Trigger

@LadyMacbeth00 I'm keeping going because I don't want to hurt my friends and family again, I want to stay out of hospital, and I want to reach my goals.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: Trigger

Hey @redhead, moving on can be really tough.

In regards to supported accommodation, is that what you've been applying for lately? I recently heard about something called NEMI (and YPARC) which might be relevant. You can find more info here and here if you're interested.

 

In regards to what to focus on first, which issue is the most immediate? I'd imagine housing would be one you'd want to tackle asap, is that right?  

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: Trigger

@letitgo there's not many options for supported accommodation where I live. I should hear back this week if I get accepted into the place I applied for though.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: Trigger

okay @redhead, let us know when you hear back!

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: Trigger

Things are getting really out of control in my head. I can't cope. 

Last night I took myself to DEM (emergency) and they've made me sit in waiting room all night. Over it.

Why did I get help. I should just have done x 

===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: Trigger

@redhead it sounds like you're not getting what you need when you go to DEM or that they are trying not to admit you? Can you get someone to explain why that's happening? It doesn't make sense to me. 

 

I think it was great that you took yourself to hospital to stay safe. That's really amazing, I'm sorry that you didn't get somewhere to actually get some rest Smiley Sad

Re: Trigger

@Ben-RO the department was full and there was no bed for me to wait for the crisis team. Where I live the crisis team isn't 24/7 so once it gets to a certain time you have to wait overnight, I was just unlucky there was no beds so I was in waiting room all night.

And yeh they're trying not to admit me. I saw the crisis team just after 9, spoke to them then came home. I don't understand what happened Monday night too tbh, the Dr sent me home without seeing crisis team.
They are trying to get me better at coping without the ward, and go through my case manager if I need to get admitted ideally.

I'm hoping things settle today. It was good to talk things through. And I had an hour nap after being up all night.
Ignore what I said earlier this morning I wasn't thinking, I was just tired and triggered
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: Trigger

How are you feeling today @redhead?

// Spiral outward, keep going. //