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Trying to do the right thing

Hi everyone, My fiancee has just gotten out of hospital yesterday, he has paranoid delusions and thinks that his neighbours and random ppl are out to get him and talk about him all the time, he thought ppl where following him and our house was bugged. He has now been diagnosed & on medication. I am thankfull that there is help out there in the community & we have a couple of close friends that have been very supportive and there for us. What worries me is his parents attitude. He is an only child and a carer for his parents for the past 10 years, his mother constantly rang up my partner at the hospital complaining about her problems and how he didn't belong there. She told me on the phone that his doesn't need medication and yesterday only hours after getting out of hospital he wanted to go visit them. The first thing she said was to our 11 year old daughter "you forgot about your grandmother". Mother-in-law had a whinge that we didn't ring them, which I didn't think was necessary as they rang us several times a day. Then she starts complaining about the guys that live across the road. Several times over the time of about 2-3 hours I had asked her to stop being so negative and complaining. Then they proceed to get out the mail and hand it to him for him to deal with (like it couldn't have waited a day or two) I couldn't sit there and listen to it any more and told her to shut her face, which of course upset my partner and i was the bad guy. I am learning to deal with his illness and am a pretty calm person. I am very understanding of him but when his parents are around their selfishness totally pisses me off and I can't stand them. His mother grew pot for him in her backyard up untill a couple of months ago we had told her that many times not too but she kept doing it and his father is always trying to get him to drink (being an alcoholic himself) They don't want him to have friends or a life, just to look after them. They are very pocessive and I don't know what to do, I just want my fiancee and our 3 kids to be happy.


Re: Trying to do the right thing

Hi Milo, welcome to Reach Out! Just letting you know that I moved your post onto the Tough Times board so it's in a more appropriate location.


It sounds like you're dealing with a lot at the moment, both with your partners mental illness and the inappropriate behaviour of his parents. I can only imagine how difficult it would've been to keep your cool throughout that and I admire the strength and patience you've displayed.


Now that the issue of their son's health is a factor, it might be worthwhile to sit down with them and explain what's going on and how important it is for them to be aware that he can't take on more stress. While the fact sheets on Reach Out are primarily aimed at 14-25 year olds, you might find some of the communication techniques listed here and here to be of some help.

Perhaps you could suggest a family counselling session too, to get the perspective and support of an impartial third party. BeyondBlue have a handy search tool to find mental health practitioners in your local area here.


It's really beautiful and courageous that you are dedicated to helping your partner through his struggle, but please don't forget to look after yourself as well. If you feel like it's all getting to be too much and you need some advice or just someone to talk to, you can call Lifeline at any time of the day or night on 13 11 14.