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Trying to heal from grief... but it's really hard

Hi there.

 

It's my first time posting here on RO forums, so I hope that I'm doing this right. 

 

So I've been bawling my eyes out and feeling really low yesterday because I thought about how I have to go to my GP for a review of the mental health care plan since I just finished my 6th session with my psychologist at headspace. I'm very conflicted because initially I thought that she wasn't a match for me but after talking to my regular counsellor at KHL I realised that I struggled to feel connected with my psych because I wasn't opening up to her since I didn't want to cry and talk about hard things. (Crying over a video call is just weird.) Also, I literally only talk to her about anxiety (since that's what brought me in to see her) but I realised that I might be depressed but I don't know how to go about telling her.

 

I also mentioned to her twice about the old school counsellor that left last year (when I was in year 11). I felt really connected to the school counsellor (honestly too connected to her to the point where I wished that she was my mum) since my family was going through a rough patch at that time and nobody with there to give me the emotional support that I needed. She told me that she might leave the school a week before the school year ended so I held onto the thought that she wouldn't really leave since she said that "nothing is set in stone yet". Basically she left and I couldn't process the grief from the loss of this relationship. I also discredited the grief that I felt from losing my school counsellor since around the same time our year lost someone unexpectedly (she was in my class) and everyone was really affected and was griefing. But the KHL counsellor said that she knows that my ending of the relationship with the school counsellor was really traumatic for me, so now I'm wondering if it really was.

 

I'm wondering whether it would be good to go back for 4 more sessions with my psych to talk about depression and about what it means to end therapy but I'm scared of opening up which might take more than 4 sessions. I don't know what will happen after my 10th session. Also, I'm just wondering if I need to go back to the same GP for a review of my mental health care plan since the last time I went I cried in there and I think I traumatised the GP so I would want to avoid going back to him if I could.

 

Thanks for reading, I know that it was a long post!

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Re: Trying to heal from grief... but it's really hard

hey @justkeepswimming, I really get why you'd be feeling conflicted about renewing your sessions with your GP. It's always a bit difficult to try and decide how you want to go forward with any mental health support - particularly if things haven't gone the way you expected to for your initial sessions. In my opinion, I think it would be a good idea to get a renewal, because then at least you have the choice of how you want to go forward. If you get the referral you don't have to book an new psych appointment, but it gives you an option to!

It also sounds like you've highlighted some reasons why the initial 6 sessions didn't really work out as you had hoped. It's really really good that you've been able to figure out what might have been affecting things, because it means now you've got the opportunity to work on them if you want to Smiley Happy If you find it difficult opening up to your psych during a session, it might be a good idea to email them before the session, outlining some of the things that you want to talk about. You can include that you're feeling a bit depressed, your feelings around losing your counsellor, and how you're finding it difficult to open up via tele-counselling. 

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Re: Trying to heal from grief... but it's really hard

Hi @justkeepswimming

 

I have been in a situation where I can relate to that. Leaving therapy, especially with a therapist or counsellor that you connected with is really difficult I went through the same thing leaving my school. 

If you think you are experiencing symptoms of depression it would be extremely brave and beneficial to bring them up with a therapist while you have access to one. 

In terms of the 10 sessions, correct me if I am wrong but I am making the assumption that this is a medicare or health insurance situation? 

Is spreading the sessions out across the year an option for you? Possibly every month? 

If this is all the access you have there are ways to can make it work for you. You mentioned you had been in contact with KHL which is great. That platform along with these forums and the reach out online chat are all ways you can reach out for help in between these monthly sessions if that is something that interested you? This way you are still able to see your therapist for at least 4 extra months. 

Connecting with a therapist and being able to open up is extremely difficult. You are so brave for reaching out and you are doing an incredible job. Heart

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Re: Trying to heal from grief... but it's really hard

Hi Andrea, thanks for replying! Yeah I think that going back for 4 more sessions might be beneficial for me, since I now figured out what worked and what didn't work. I'm really considering asking for her email when I get in contact with her again so I can just send her what I wrote down. Smiley Happy)
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Re: Trying to heal from grief... but it's really hard

Hey @LeapofFaith

 

It really is difficult and I'm glad I'm not the only one that thinks like this! Yep the 10 sessions is with medicare under my mental health care plan and I think that spreading my sessions out to once a month will be a good option for me. Thanks for suggesting that to me! Smiley Happy 

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Re: Trying to heal from grief... but it's really hard

Hi @justkeepswimming 👋

I just wanted to pop in and say welcome to the forums! I hope you're able to find them as supportive and beneficial as I have! 

Grief is not a fun thing to deal with and from experience I can honestly say that dealing with it alone sucks. It can spiral into depression so easily so I really do hope you're able to find a way to raise the issue with your psychologist because the earlier you start talking about it the better, trust me. Don't leave it for years like I did!! 

It sounds as though you are on the right track with getting supports in place and knowing who to contact which is great! I also think you should try out @Andrea-RO idea and email the psych. I don't do well physically talking so I personally find it easier to write my psych letters to give to her during session, or send off emails before I see her. That way she/he can bring it up and hopefully it'll be a little easier on you! 

Let us know how you go and don't be afraid to raise it with him/her as quite often depression and anxiety come hand in hand so they will understand where you're coming from! 

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Re: Trying to heal from grief... but it's really hard

Hi @MB95 

Yep I'm thinking of going to my GP this week to get this sorted out! I do think that it's important for me to talk about it with my psych. Thanks for the reply! 

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Re: Trying to heal from grief... but it's really hard

Hey @justkeepswimming, it seems like you are being really proactive about seeking support. It can be hard to bring up certain issues especially if you are feeling unsure about what you are experiencing. You seem like you have got a really great plan for spreading out your sessions and some specific things you want to focus on which is great! Sometimes it can feel awkward but it is okay to change the topic - the conversation can get off track sometimes or the focus may be on something less important to you Smiley Happy

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Re: Trying to heal from grief... but it's really hard

Hello @justkeepswimming, just wanted to check in with you to see how you are going. Were you able to email your psychologist about spreading out your appointments? Smiley Happy
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Re: Trying to heal from grief... but it's really hard

Hi @justkeepswimming! Welcome to the forums!
How are you going today? I hope you are feeling better. Heart
What you're going through is an issue that comes up a lot on here. It's really hard when you can't see a trusted support person any more. It can also be difficult to open up to new supports, especially in this time of uncertainty. Smiley Sad Your school counsellor sounds amazing and you were lucky to have such a good relationship with her.
Is there anything that helps you to cope with the loss of your old counsellor? Something that has personally helped me when looking at new supports is thinking about what I liked best about the previous ones and trying to look for those qualities in other people. Sometimes, I've given feedback to professionals about what has helped in the past.