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Trying to open up

Lately, I've been super stressed and frustrated with work, to the point that I've got some mad headaches and nausea. Nothing seems to be going well and I feel like I've been here before. And last time it didn't end very well. I ended up giving up on something that I once cared so much about. I don't want to go back down that road again.
I am good at what I do. It took 19 years of my 20 years of life to find something that I am good and passionate about.
My biggest problem, I can't open up to people. And when I do, I always make it out like I don't really care about what I am saying. I just turn it into a joke.
I'm thinking about giving it another shot. My teacher, who I haven't known for too long, he seems fairly trustworthy. He's coming into work this week, so maybe I'll try then. But what if I stuff up, back out, make a joke of it? Then I'm left just waiting for the next opportunity.. But then I'm wondering, do I really need to talk?

Any advice is appreciated

Re: Trying to open up

Hey @20oney,  


First of all, welcome to I am sorry to hear that you are feeling stressed and fustrated with work. Feeling sick is the worst, ugh! It's good that you can identify where you think you are heading, and acknowledge that you dont want to be there again. 


Turning things into a joke is sometimes a defense mechanism when you are trying to put your guard up. If you dont want to keep blocking people out, perhaps work on letting people in. I know it seems scary and is hard, but take little small steps. Whether that is telling someone something you have never told them before! Someone like your teacher is a good idea. If you back out and make a joke out of it, thats okay because it means you are one step closer than you were last time you tried! 


Your thoughts about "do i really need to talk?" are smply you backing out of it in your mind. Fight that urge and stick to your guns. I will attach some helpful sheets about opening up - have a read and tell me what you think. Keep me posted and I wish you luck with talking to your teacher!!





You are worth more than you realise 


Re: Trying to open up

Hi @20oney 


Welcome to Reachout. Thank you for opening up to everyone today Smiley Happy


I know that opening up to people can be really hard. I've definitely found it hard in the past. I've been in a very similar situation that you are currently experiencing and there are a couple of pieces of advice that people have given me that have been helpful.


1. Find someone who you are comfortable and open to talking to. I think this is really crucial in sorting out problems that we are going through.


2. Perhaps try writing out what you want to say. I was not a fan of this idea at first. However I've found that it's been easier for me to write a problem or something that I want to talk about out first. And even sending a text to whoever I'm meeting with a heads up saying 'Hey, when we meet today I have a letter I would like you to read'. Then when you meet them they will know to expect it. Even if you don't give them the letter, writing it out may give you a clearer idea of what you want to say.


3. Talk to an anonymous counsellor online or on the phone. For example, I have used Kidshelpline in the past to just talk about every day life stuff. For so long I thought I needed something really seriously to happen to be worthy of speaking to a counsellor. However I now know that I can talk about anything, no matter how big or small. 


Talking to someone you are comfortable with, for example the teacher you mentioned, is a really great idea. 

Here is a fact sheet about getting help. It doesn't directly relate to your question about opening up to people - but you may find it useful Smiley Happy


Re: Trying to open up

Hey @20oney 


You are so strong for talking about it with us and its great that you want to fight for what you are passionate about. Confrontation and communicating my issues is not my thing either it makes me feel uncomfortable but the way this sounds is not very good. You are extremely stressed, frustrated and are getting physically sick as well. That is a lot to deal with and maybe opening up to people will actually help you feel better. What you feel mentally and emotionally affects you physically and if you dont address it, it wont get any better. 


I think it might help to let your teacher know before hand that look I am really nervous and I am scared to stuff up or make a joke about it and if I do can you please be patient with me or something. Do something full proof so you dont back out like email him (if you can) or write a letter and give it to them so they know its serious and when you talk to them you wont be able to back out. Also you can write what you want to say and if its better just give it to the teacher or read the letter out so you dont get side tracked, what do you think? 


I am going to turn the question back to you, because you are physically and mentally affected, do you want to try and resolve this so you can stay in something you love or give up and start from scratch? 


I hope this helps and stay strong 

Do what feels right for you. 


Take care 

**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**

Re: Trying to open up

Do I want to try and resolve this or start from scratch? I can not imagine having to start from scratch. Maybe that thought will help me to talk. Maybe.

I have never been confident around people, old and new. Everyone makes me a little nervous really.

Starting where I am now, 2 and a half years ago, I still am nervous around some of the people there. I remember in my first year, I had a week off. That final day off and the morning driving back to work was the worst feeling. I just felt so, scared, anxious, nervous.
I can handle those going away feelings better now.

At the same time of me not wanting to have to start new, I know where I am working is not 100% right for me. I don't feel like I put my best foot forward everyday, and I feel that a change of scenery would help that. Working with a bunch of people who don't care about what they do, makes it very hard for me to take any pride in what I am doing everyday.

Just writing about this is making my head spin.

Re: Trying to open up

@20oney welcome to reach out buddy, and well done on opening up asking for help, it can be a challenge!  You have been offered some great advice (above).  Opening up can feel threatening, as you are putting yourself in a position where you can be judged by others, and this can be very uncomfortable! However, there are lots of good people who will be more than willing to listen to your thoughts without judgement and it sounds as though your teacher could be one of these.  I suggest you be brave and have a talk to him.  You could even address how you always turn these things into a joke and how you'd like to be more serious about these things!
Regarding your work, perhaps take some time to think about what you really want to do.  Being there for a long time (2 and a bit years) is not a reason to stay! To use an analogy, you meet a lot of people in unhappy/unfullfilling relationships who don't break up because they've been together for years, and they think separation would deem those years to be 'a waste of time'. I think this is far from the truth as those years were 1) a great learing experience, and 2) probably full of great times and memories!

If you do want to stay at your work, remember the aspects that make you passionate and just because others may not feel as strongly as you is no reason to be less involved and feel isolated. Everyone has their own experience and passions.  I hope things start to pick up for you! Stay strong

Re: Trying to open up

Hi @20oney , how's everything going? There's been some great advice given so far. Have you tried some of them, like talking to your teacher?

Re: Trying to open up

Everything is peachy. I don't know anymore. Everything is a little messy at the moment. Maybe I'll just wait out the storm and see how it ends, I don't know.

Re: Trying to open up

Is anything in particular making life messy for you @20oney or is it the same work issues?

Have you ever thought about having a chat with one of the counsellors at Lifeline? They can be great at helping you work on coping strategies!