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Tw: Self harm - I don't know how it happened but I self-harmed for the first time

It started when I started feeling overwhelmed when confronted with my mistakes. 

I would feel attacked when I would get bad results no matter how hard I tried.  It was small but it gave me relief. It stung a little and then my emotions evaporated. Apart from a little stinging I was fine. 

I promised myself it wouldn't happen again.

Then I did it again today, my parents reminding me about my bad results and how I was a bad student, made those emotions come back. Then I hurt myself three times in a row. Then after the feelings went away I felt bad. I don't want this to happen again.

It all happened because I am feeling immense academic pressure, I go to a selective school and I have to do at least 6 hours of homework per day (I'm a Year 9) plus study for all my subjects which are at a year 10 - 11 level. I came from a school that had no academic pressure, so I was always getting good marks. I haven't made any friends either so I feel lonely.Ever since I moved to a selective school, I've been feeling hopeless,lost , exhausted and worthless. Because all my life I've tied my self-worth to my academic achievements, my parents always reinforced the idea that if I am not the best I am not good enough. Or maybe it's a misunderstanding. I don't know but I feel guilty for my problems. Though my self harm is in its early stages so hopefully I never do it again. 

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Re: Tw: Self harm - I don't know how it happened but I self-harmed for the first time

Hey @Pyrotechnic,

I can totally understand that you must be feeling a whole host of extremely conflicting emotions right now. It sounds like things must be extremely intense and somewhat overwhelming for you right now - particularly with the new found pressure of being at a selective school. A lot of people use self-harm as a coping mechanism, however, as you have mentioned in your post, it's a pretty unhealthy one and not something that is good to continue. However, there are a lot of other other coping mechanisms you can try instead (I'll link one of our threads on that here). Apart from that it might be a really good idea to talk to someone in your life about how your feeling - is there any one that you'd feel comfortable opening up to?

 

Just as a heads up, I had to edit your post to remove any explicit details of self-harm, which is against our guidelines Smiley Happy

 

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Re: Tw: Self harm - I don't know how it happened but I self-harmed for the first time

Hi @Pyrotechnic I'm so sorry you're going through that. I also went to a selective high school, so I'm familiar with how intense the academic pressure can be Smiley Sad If you feel like you need to reach out to someone, have you considered reaching out to your school councillor? Or someone else that you trust? Especially since you go to a selective high school, it'd be great to have someone you can share your concerns with. 

 

I also noticed that you do 6 hours homework a day, which is a lot! If you ever feel overwhelmed by your work, it's alright to take a break and do some other things, like watching a tv show or playing some video games. These could also be great self-coping mechanisms, and I believe @Andrea-RO posted a link to a bunch of other ways to cope!

 

If you need more support or just want to talk, the ReachOut community is here for you HeartHeartHeart

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Re: Tw: Self harm - I don't know how it happened but I self-harmed for the first time

Hi @Pyrotechnic
Just come from your another post. I feel sorry that you have experienced tough times. Do you talk about your stress and your self-harm behaviours with your parents? Because you are getting stress from both your parents and school, I'm thinking whether you can get some support and understanding from your parents rather than stress.
As I suggested in another post, if you have school counsellors, I highly suggest you to talk with them. Negotiating with your parents and find a psychologist will be helpful as well.
Another tip for you is that if you feel overwhelmed, you can squeeze ice or use a rubber band to shoot your hands or fingers. These methods can help you to have a sense of control with your feelings.
Again, please feel free to speak if you have any new issues. (hug)
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Re: Tw: Self harm - I don't know how it happened but I self-harmed for the first time

Hey @Pyrotechnic just wanted to check in and see how you're doing? Sounds like things have been super tough for you, we are here for you whenever you need to chat through things. 

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Re: Tw: Self harm - I don't know how it happened but I self-harmed for the first time

Hi @Pyrotechnic! Welcome to the forums!
Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I'm so sorry you're going through some really overwhelming things with your parents and school right now. Smiley Sad I'm glad you're okay.
How are you doing now? I hope you're feeling better. Heart
I just wanted to link another thread which has coping strategies and alternatives regarding self harm.We're all here for you. Heart

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Re: Tw: Self harm - I don't know how it happened but I self-harmed for the first time

Hi @Pyrotechnic

Thank you so much for sharing and being so courageous and open. I can absolutely understand why you are feeling overwhelmed with a sense of pressure and I can also understand the self-harm. I know some of the other mod's and builders have suggested this, but would you consider either talking to someone in your life that you trust about how your feeling or perhaps confiding in a school counsellor? Sometimes I find professionals can be really helpful in suggesting some alternative tools and strategies to help you have tricky conversations ie. maybe working towards talking to your parents about how you're feeling? However, I know this in itself can be overwhelming so maybe starting smaller could also be good, whether that is chatting to a mate you feel comfortable with from your old school or even just trying to substitute the self-harm for a more constructive outlet/behaviour? I love going for runs, having a really long, hot shower or even doing some journalling - just for me, no one else. I find this can help me to get some of my emotions and thought out and help me to begin to understand them, rather than shaming myself for feeling them - as they are NORMAL! Please know you are not alone and your sharing has helped me too Smiley Happy 

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Re: Tw: Self harm - I don't know how it happened but I self-harmed for the first time

Hey Pyrotechnic,

 

I am sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed & alone right now. It sounds like you are under a huge amount of pressure & feeling really exhausted. Please try not to feel guilty for your problems, I know it is easier said than done but you don't need to blame yourself. It sounds like you have a lot going on right now. It sounds like you already know this but please please know that your academic results do not reflect your worth or value as a person, despite what others around you may tell you or believe. 

 

It may be helpful to consider other ways you can externalise or release that negative energy for if/when those self-harm urges come up again - are there other ways of grounding or distracting yourself that you have found helpful? E.g. clenching ice in your hands, washing your face with cold water or dunking your face in a basin of cold water, writing out all your worries/thoughts on paper then tearing up the paper, playing loud music, exercise, deep breathing (there are lots of apps e.g. BreathWorks, if you find this too difficult to do alone). 

 

Is there someone that you trust like a teacher or counsellor at your school who you feel comfortable talking to about what you're experiencing? 

 

Please feel free to let us know how you are going. We are here for you - you are never alone. 

 

Take care.