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Unfortunately It's Happening Again.

A few weeks ago I posted something about being worried about myself because I genuinely thought that I would kill myself.

 

Today (and I know this is going to sound stupid) but a dog got into my yard and my dog got into a fight with it. I was scared, petrified and because we can't fix the fence it could happen again. I hate my dog; he's badly behaved. My parents don't give a shit and I know it's going to happen again.

My point of my story is that this is now another stressful thing that I can't shake. They don't realise they have put another stressful thing on their already suicidal daughter.

We are going to the coast in a week and now I don't want to leave, and if I stay here on my own, who knows  what I'll attempt.

 

Basically today's events got me  thinking about all the stress in my life, how much my life sucks and I even found myself looking up to the sky asking what horrible things did I do wrong in my past life.

I was a mess. I couldn't stop crying and I began thinking of suicidal thoughts.

I'm just scared that something so little could set me off thinking that kind of stuff.

 

I really do hate my life and I think the more bad things that happen to it - one day it will send me over the edge.

Re: Unfortunately It's Happening Again.

Hey Smiley Happy

 

I can relate a lot to your post as I often get into states where I have a lot of suicidal thoughts and everything in my life just seems bad. However, I have some advice that I was told from my counsellor that has helped me. It might help you when you feel in a crisis like feeling suicidal.

 

My counsellor says that when you get the thoughts you need to think of 5 things you can see in front of you and say them out loud, 5 things you can hear and 5 things you can physically feel. Then think of four, three, two etc untill you have started to focus your thinking on your senses. At first I thought it was stupid, but it has got me out of a few moments where I have wanted to end my life because of my sadness.

 

Take care Smiley Happy

 

 

Re: Unfortunately It's Happening Again.

Hey HH,

 

It sounds like you're having a horrible time at the moment.

 

There are lots of places that you can seek help.

 

Lifeline on 13 11 14 is a great service for people thinking about suicide, so too is the Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800.

 

ReachOut.com also has some great links. In particular this one about a safe plan is really helpful. It's all about making sure that you have links in order to keep yourself safe when these thoughts are getting you down.

 

http://au.reachout.com/Make-your-own-safe-plan

 

This fact sheet also has some important information that you might like:

 

http://au.reachout.com/Sometimes-I-want-to-die

 

I think the most important thing is to remember that just beause you're having thoughts of suicide doesn't mean you have to act on them.

 

Do you have any close friends or family that you can lean on for some support?

Re: Unfortunately It's Happening Again.

Hey Hopeless Hermit

 

Thanks for coming back to check in with us. I understand you feel like you're in a situation where you have no control like when the dog entered your property. But you know what? It wasn't your fault that this happened and it wasn't your fault that the fence is broken or is not fixed. You are doing what you can and what you can do right now is look after yourself. So good work on coming on to the forums for some advice. Smiley Happy 

 

Ruthie suggested a really good method of distracting your self from negative thoughts (namely the stresses). There is a thread on the RO forums called 5 things games. Click here for the link! Basically you notice 5 things you can see, 4 you can feel, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell and then one good thing about yourself. It is easy try it out! 

 

And may I suggest to go with the family to the coast. Having some company when you are feeling down is better than no company. Sometimes just having another physical human nearby can be comforting, no conversation need to take place, but just sitting nearby is enough.

 

 

Stay strong HH! You are doing great so far! Surf through the bad times, the better times is just around the bend.

 

Check back when you are ready Smiley Happy

 

Doris

Re: Unfortunately It's Happening Again.

but im worried that while we're down the coast it'll happen again & nobody will be here.
So the whole time I'll be freakingout Smiley Sad

Re: Unfortunately It's Happening Again.

Hey HH

How are you today?
Do you have a mobile you can take while you go down to the coast? Because if you feel the situation is getting unbearable, calling Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800) is a great way to manage the strong emotions. Otherwise I am sure there is nice scenery you could go on a walk by yourself to clear the mind. Have some music handy whilst you down there.
I believe a change in the environment can be good for you. Especially being Christmas next week, it would be nice to have some company than being physically alone.

Ultimately, it is your call if you want to go down the coast with the family. If you decide not to go, the RO forums are always here 24/7.

Take care, update us when you are ready.
Doris

Re: Unfortunately It's Happening Again.

Hey HH, have you considered asking someone to look after your dog so you can enjoy your family holiday and not worry that he's getting into trouble? There are even boarding kennels that take dogs for short holiday periods. You could even look into obedience training classes, it's not true that you can't teach an old dog new tricks! Maybe it's something to discuss with your parents. 

Re: Unfortunately It's Happening Again.

Hey, thanks for the support guys.

I am going down the coast. I'm scared, but if anything happens it will be out of my control. And I know I worry to much and I think the worst of everything. I'm sure nothing will happen.

My dad fixed the fence a bit with some wire - and even though it's not permanent, it should hold while we are away.

The dog hasn't been in our yard since - which has helped me a bit.

I did get left at home alone today and was scared something would happen  - but of course it didn't - I just worry.

My dad and I will check the fence before we leave.

And my grandpa is coming over once a day to feed my dogs. So someone will check on them at least once a day.

 

I know I'll worry the whole time I'm there, but then I'll just think that I think the worst case scenario for everything and that everything will be fine.

 

Thanks for your messages guy, they really helped.

Re: Unfortunately It's Happening Again.

Hey HH.

That is a really great and positive attitude! Stay resilient. You will get through it!

Have a good Christmas. Smiley Happy

Doris

Re: Unfortunately It's Happening Again.

Hi guys,

Hopeless Hermit is back Smiley Frustrated

I though I'd continue this thread than start a new.

Well for people that already know I have serious anxiety issues (undiagnosed) and I don't work - partly because of it.

But I need money.

I've been seriously considering caming. I'm unsure and I know I shouldn't. But with my issues and the need for money I can't think of anything else.

Then I think I'm using anxiety as an excuse, but then the thought of retail, working with people...leaving the house...I dunno.

 

I guess I came on so someone could tell me not to cam.

I have doubts about it, then I don't, then I feel terrible for considering it in the first place.

 

I guess I'm just lost.