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Re: Unread Letters

Dear self,
Please hold your chin up.
You are getting through so much, and you finally found someone you can trust and cry to. I know it may be hard right now, but so many people believe in you. They need you to keep going, or they won’t forgive themselves for anything that may happen to you.

And if you need to, go to your special person. She may be younger than you by a year, but she’s better than the youth leaders who don’t really care about you. Those youth leaders only care about the “cool kids”.

sincerely,
Your mentally and emotionally broken mind.

Dear Youth Leaders,

Why can’t you care about me?! Why can’t you just hug me to say hi?! What do I need to do, in order to even get a hello or even a wave?! I’ve been hating on myself so much, because of people writing things in the girls toilets about me, and saying that I “should fucking die”! Not to forget the lead worship dude hasn’t even given me a rehearsal for the worship team, and said “wait till next year”! Now you all just ignore me. Now all you do is help kids who are “more important”. I know I’m always emotional every time I go to youth, but mental health is a heavy thing. I am depressed, anxious, and so very sad that everything I do is worthless, wrong, and that I shouldn’t exist because of it.

All I ask is that I at least get a hello hug. Just a quick check in. Just see how I’m doing. If you want me to do that to you too, then so be it.



But for Pete sake, a year 7 girl cares about me more than you “youth leaders” do.
Just help me not hate myself, by giving me a hug or hello, to make my day better.


Sincerely, a very sad, angry, mentally and emotionally broken, worthless girl, who wants to feel wanted and loved. Like she’s worth something, instead of nothing.

 

I am safe.

Re: Unread Letters

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx, I think the advice you have given yourself is lovely. There is nothing wrong with seeking support from a younger person Heart Sometimes if there is nobody around to support you, you can ask yourself 'What do I wish someone would say to me?' or 'What would I say to a friend?'.. then practice saying those things to yourself. It can feel silly at the start but it is very similar idea to this thread actually (so you already have some practice!) Smiley Happy

 

I am sorry to hear about those horrible experiences. Nobody deserves to hear those kinds of things because they are NEVER true. Have you thought of mentioning how you have been feeling to the youth leaders? It does not have to be about their lack of action, it could be about you struggling at the moment and therefore wanting them to check in with you because you value their support. As you mentioned, you could also offer to hug them when you see them, if you feel comfortable. 

 

Some of what you have said has made me concerned about how you might be feeling at the moment. Please look after yourself and access any services or self-care strategies you need to keep going. Here are the urgent help resources if you do feel unsafe.. and some distraction challenges and a coping article, just as a reminder. You are getting through so much and you really are doing such a good job Smiley Happy

Re: Unread Letters

Dear self,

 

It’s a real struggle at the moment, but things will get better. Building more supports is such a huge step that you should be proud of. One day, you will see the positives in yourself, but until then please remember how much people care about you and love you.

 

sincerely,

mrmusic

Re: Unread Letters

Thank you @Taylor-RO.
I’ve realised that younger people are better than the young youth leader age. I’ve been broken by my former mentors before, and now my youth leaders who I thought cared about me have basically done the same thing. Getting rejected for someone else is not how to be a good person.

I’m not entirely sure if I could do what I said... it’s like there’s now a barrier and I’m the one who caused it. Because I’m too emotional, and they are too scared to say anything. Or they just don’t care...

I’m sorry, I forgot to put in my safety. I’ll do that now.
I’ll also look at those links later too.

Thank you Taylor!

Re: Unread Letters

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx 

 

Thank you for editing and confirming safety. Also, thanks for contributing to this thread. It can be a really nice way to get some of your thoughts/feelings off your chest. I hope you have found expressing your thoughts helpful. Please continue to use this thread as a means of expression if it helps you feel better,  clarify your thoughts, or just get things off your chest Smiley Happy

Re: Unread Letters

Dear self,

I know you’ve felt like giving up lately, just letting everything go and having no more pain. It sounds like the best and only option.. right? No, you’re wrong. People care about you and you will just be passing all your pain and more on to all the people that have ever loved you. Don’t do it. One day you will have a pain free day. Just one day. Keep holding on to live that day. Keep holding on for other people if you can’t do it for yourself. You’re strong and you’ve been through a lot but guess what, you’re still here. There are many small things to live for in each day and also occasionally there are big things. You are loved. You may not want to be or may not feel like you deserve it but it’s there and you can’t change that. Don’t choose the permanent option.. please

I also know you’ve been feeling a lot of hate towards yourself and disappointment but no one else does. It’s just in your head. Despite the attempts, you have failed each time. You are still here for a reason. Live to find it, live for others, live for small things. Yes life sucks and it’s fucking painful everyday but surely there’s something past all of this pain. Or maybe, life is meaningless

Sincerely,
Your messed up, numb brain

(Yes I’m safe)

Re: Unread Letters

Hey @Bananatime04, thanks for sharing this lovely positive message. Your hope for that "pain free day" is really inspirational. I hope you can hold onto this and read this back in those difficult times. Heart

Re: Unread Letters

Thank you @mrmusic Heart

Re: Unread Letters

Thank you @Maddy-RO.
It definitely helps a lot, but sometimes it makes me cry just thinking about what I could be, or what I could have done.

Re: Unread Letters

To my brother 

 

If I had one word to describe you it would be toxic.

But I have a forum where I don't have to be afraid of violence. And I have a lot of words.

 

You receive more kindness and respect than you have ever dreamt of sharing, yet you throw a storm of insults if someone talks to you too much or too little or the wrong way.

 

You destroy each scrap of progress I make with my illnesses. You criticize me for everything that gives me a moment of happiness. You mock me for the symptoms I show.

And then you have the nerve to expect me to listen to you talk about how terrible and unfair the world is for you.

 

You approach everyone with aggression and judgement, and yet expect us to always act happy to see you. You scream when we don't.

 

You have the self awareness of an average brick, and coincidentally are about as gentle as one in the face.

 

You're abusive. What you are doing is abuse.

And yet you see yourself as a warrior against domestic violence, an advocate for mental health.

How dare you.

 

I will not let you destroy me.