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Unsure how to deal in an abusive relationship

I've been struggling with this dilemma for a while now and have never felt like I have anyone to confide in but I need to get this out into the universe.
My partner and I have been together for 5 years and are getting married soon. Normally, he is a pretty happy funny who supports me and encourages me and is very affectionate and caring. However he is also easily stressed and gets angry and that is when a whole different side of him comes out. During these times he calls me every name imaginable, puts me down, says everything he can think of to hurt me, threatens to punch my face in and has at times gotten physical with grabbing my hair or my neck and has slapped me around once. He even threatened to harm my pets. And each time it is always my fault that he is this monster. I have never been good with any kind of conflict and over the years I have slowly become more introverted, and I don't feel comfortable talking to him about important things in case I anger him (which in itself angers him because he feels I should be more confident around him) If I saw anyone else being treated this way I would think they were crazy to stick around but I can't seem to make myself end it, partially because I'm financially dependant on him and have nowhere I can go with my animals, who I wouldn't leave behind and partially because I don't want to. I love the fun loving supportive man who I usually see and can't imagine not having him around but I can't help but wonder if this is what we're always going to be like. Last night during another fight he told me he doesn't want to marry me when I'm being so selfish and my thinking of him, then stormed out of the house for work this morning and I know there'll be another argument tonight when he gets home. I'm going to have to make some hard decisions, but can't talk them over with anyone I know because I don't want them to think badly of him. So instead I talk to you guys. Thanks for listening to me instead.
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Re: Unsure how to deal in an abusive relationship

Hey @Boodie ,

 

I'm so sorry to hear how difficult your situation is. It must be so hard to live in fear of how your partner is going to react and what he might do to you or your beloved pets.

These situations are always complex because often the person will be very loving outside of those scary times. Those extremes of behaviour are very common in abusive relationships. The wonderful part of the person is what holds you there. But it's really important to remember that his bad behaviour, the abusiveness, has nothing to do with who you are as a person. It's not about you or anything you do wrong. It's about him. 

The service 1800respect can really help you understand this stuff, which can help you make the big decisions. Being in an abusive relationship can be really isolating and it's easy to find yourself in a situation where you have no one to talk to. A service like this can provide you counselling to help you work out what you want to do and how you might go about it.

 

Do you feel like you could take this step?

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Re: Unsure how to deal in an abusive relationship

It can be hard to break it off because abuse either makes the person run like hell, or develop a type of stockholm syndrome. If he hurts you again you have to force yourself to turn him in to the police because he needs to learn the fact that, ITS NOT OKAY
be safe :/
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Re: Unsure how to deal in an abusive relationship

Hey @Boodie ,

 

As suggested, I really encourage you give 1800 Respect a call for some more specific advice. If you'd like some more advice on what to do and what resources are available, have a look at these two factsheets on what do in an abusive relationship, as well as some national and state services you might find helpful.

 

How did your night end up when he got home?