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Update: Abuser coming 2 Christmas

Sorry for the long post
( its worth the read)

p.s Christmas left me super tired and busy this year.

Hey guys it’s me again just updating you all on how Christmas went. I talked to an online friend... it wasn’t much we don’t know each other well but it was more comfortable than telling a family member or close friend. It helped to know someone was there for me, even though not physically mentally it helped me cope a lot. I’m not going to pretend it was great he basically got here and complained as soon as he could making everyone feel shit until some of my other relatives chipped in telling him to pipe down or leave basically and that was majorly cool to see other people not putting up with his crap. I’m not gonna lie he still scares the hell out of me, but now I kind of see it as a pathetic grab for control instead of the demon overlord himself.
We played games and I mostly helped with the Christmas shopping so for the 2 days he was here it wasn’t too bad. I spent as little time as possible around him.
At the end of it all.
He basically tries to do the whole ( let’s stay in contact act) and even put his number in my phone in an attempt to start a communication between us whilst also conveniently forgetting that he basically mentally tortured me for years. ( Funny how abusers do that isn’t it? But hey if they realised what evil fuckers they were how could they also play the victim?)
I know it may seem petty but I have literally 0 interest in contacting him. I was most likely just gonna put on the do not disturb sign on my phone and forget about him for another year until next years Christmas. The truth is family or not family I have no interest in trying to maintain toxic relationships with people just because we are related. I’m thinking of myself in that respect for once, why keep putting effort into something that doesn’t give back and keeps hurting you? I finally realised how normal people act I have a bunch of friends I can compare to how relationships work and let me tell you something surprising ( sarcasm) abusing someone and making them feel like crap about themselves is not the key to a healthy relationship. Also no I haven’t been visiting a counselling ( I’ve never went before) Uni, friends , part-time work as well as family issues usually take up all my time leaving me too exhausted to care about myself. Who knows though... maybe for once I should do something about my mental health.
Merry Christmas everyone and I will try to stay in contact.
Feel free to give more advice on my next step. Sincerely forever- a wandering uni student.
Hopefully/ not hopefully you will hear from me soon.

Re: Update: Abuser coming 2 Christmas

Heya @Level01,


Thanks for the update! It can certainly be tricky dealing with abusers when they're family members and so you have mutual social circles... you are absolutely right about everything though. You don't have to stay in contact with someone who is toxic and makes you feel like shit. Setting the contact to do not disturb is definitely a creative idea. Is deleting his number entirely an option?


It's also okay that you haven't had time to seek out counselling. It sounds like you're becoming pretty aware of your own mental health needs and that's an awesome start. We are always here if you need to chat and/or if you decide to seek out professional support once things settle down Smiley Happy

No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish

Re: Update: Abuser coming 2 Christmas

Thank you... I don’t think I can delete his number he would just get suspicious... I know it probably sounds paranoid by now... I guess it’s strange but apart of me still has this gripping terrifying fear of him. 

I wish I was braver

Re: Update: Abuser coming 2 Christmas

Hi @Level01, I agree with @lokifish, it really sounds like you are becoming really aware of your mental health. You are also showing a lot of self-awareness. Taking care of yourself is so incredibly important and is the highest priority. I think you are so brave and have shown so much strength Smiley Happy