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What's going on

The title honestly describes what everything feels like right now.

 

I feel like maybe things might go forward, but it all resets.

The last 12 months have just been such a depressing experience, I can't help but reflect on all the past decisions I made, everything I did........it haunts me almost 24/7

 

Basically 2016 ended in a rough spot cause I fucked up University and was struggling to get started a new job but 2017 I got my stuff together....it was perhaps one of the happiest times ever. I could keep a job, I would go for weeks along this beautiful lagoon...by lord I loved it. I had dropped out of Uni, but I was doing poorly anyway...besides I had a job and was doing things most days of the week, but I wasn't having much luck trying to find a new career 

(I was rejected for a construction course....construction...most people could do that...but I  failed) After about say...mid 2017...I just went downhill

 

I was asked to act in plays, but I don't have the courage to act anymore. I used to love making people laugh in theater shows, but now I can't even speak for 5 seconds before my own voice weirds me out.

 

Then there was the Autism Diagnosis, I had a bad fight with a friend and we didn't talk for 6 months, I was cyberbullied by another group of friends, several other friends just stopped answering my messages. 

 

Some people reckon I have PTSD cause I'm constantly thinking about these things and suffering anxiety as a result with heart-rates....sometimes crying. I don't know if I call that PTSD

 

I don't know who considers me their friend or if they even want me in their lives anymore. 

 

It's hard to put these together, I feel so badly about what I've done...I feel like I've failed. Trying to write everything down is hard

 

 

 

 

 

 

Re: What's going on

Hi @MemphisBelle. I don't think we've "met" before, I've only been here about a month I think.

But I can kinda relate I think. 

I'm not entirely sure what I'm even trying to say.. but if you need someone to talk to tonight or something I'll be online and you're welcome to tag me. 

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Re: What's going on

Hi @MemphisBelle 

 

Thank you for reaching out to us and taking the courageous step to put down in writing what has been going on in your life these last few years Heart As you mentioned- it can be a really hard thing to be open about your experiences and put them in writing online, so we are really grateful you have taken that step and trusted our community with the feelings you are having right now Heart

 

Looking back on the past can be really challenging, and it sounds like there are a few things that continue to stay with you today. Experiences like finding a new career, coming to terms with new diagnoses and cyberbullying are so tough Heart That feeling of failure is something that we hear from a lot of young people on the forums, and it can be a really difficult feeling to sit with.

 

Have you met/spoken to other people who have gone through something similar or are also sitting with these feelings? ReachOut has a video that might be a good start- you are not alone Heart

 

You've mentioned that friendships have also been challenged the last couple of years. What is your support system like at the moment?

 

As @Tiny_leaf has also mentioned, there are so many people in this community that can relate to what you are feeling right now. If you ever need to chat, we are here to listen Smiley Happy

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Re: What's going on

@Jess1-RO @Tiny_leaf 

 

No one knows I feel this badly about these things. I don't know if I should say anything....people might not understand, not care etc. 

 

 

 

 

Re: What's going on

Hey @MemphisBelle

 

That's quite a weight to carry around, but it's something you don't need to bare alone. You mentioned you've fallen out with a couple of friends, do you still have someone that you could express how you're feeling to?

 

As daunting as the thought of telling someone seems, I've found that people are quite supportive when you open up and just telling someone else can be a huge relief in itself, even if they're just a set of ears.

Re: What's going on

I don't know who I should talk to...

 

Uni classmates, boss at secondary job...

 

I just feel like I'm useless, I carry a constant fear I'll be forgotten about or replaced....like who would go to me "Man...my life just wouldn't be what it is without YOU"

 

 

Re: What's going on

Hey @MemphisBelle, do you feel comfortable talking to those people? It is difficult to know whether others will understand but you can only know by trying. You can only try by letting them know what has been going on for you. After all, you are the expert of your own life and each experience we have is unique. How would you feel if someone began to share their problems with you?

Some people we can connect with deeply but others, we cannot or it does not come easy. It can be tiring and upsetting to sort through these different types of connection but I think it is something most people can relate to in their life Heart