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What's it like moving out?

Sorry if this is in the wrong spot, I just thought it was a bit down for the everyday life stuff section.

 

I've decided that I probably can't live with my parents for much longer because of their inability to understand, well, even comprehend, my mental illness. They have a massive problem with lashing out and being generally insensitive in the heat of things which is terrible for my bipolar, and I have a massive problem with clamming up which I suppose makes them feel like I'm mad at them when in reality I'm trying to just keep myself in check. I spoke to my older brother about this and he said that he's noticed I've been having these frustrations more and more and it's better for me to think about moving out to improve my relationship with my parents. Luckily my partner is graduating from his degree in the middle of next year hopefully, I'll be taking a break from my degree this time next year, and he's said in the past that he would be less worried about me if we moved in together even if he had to cover more expenses for a while. So it looks like it's on the cards within the next year.

 

It just makes me sad to think that I have to make this decision myself, especially since the only other friend who has moved out did so because of her abusive and neglectful parents. My parents aren't neglectful or anything, in fact a lot of my friends think they're the cool parents because they're happy to be invested in my life and interests. They just... seem to be getting more and more frustrating and more damaging to my mental health as a consequence. I've been told that you don't want to move out until you absolutely have to because it's so expensive and it's scary to think that I've reached that point. I also don't know whether I want it to happen sooner or later, plus it's not necessarily going to be easy because I can't see myself working full time for a long time and I'm going to be studying for several more years.

 

I suppose I'm just feeling a bit all over the place and scared and especially sad that it's come to this and for this reason. I would love to hear other people's experiences for why they moved out and how it went for them and what they liked about it Smiley Happy 

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Re: What's it like moving out?

Hey @StormySeas17 

Thank you for being so honest in this post, its a stressful thing to think about having to move and its really sad that your parents are having a negative affect on your mental health. 

The reflection you've made about moving out improving your relationship with your parents is definitely something I relate to, and I think a lot of people in my life have had that experience as well. Its nice now that I spend time with them when I choose to and we can enjoy each others company rather than just being in the same room annoying each other with our presence.

 

Its understandable you're feeling scared and sad about this, it is not the best situation and my heart goes out to you. Its a horrible feeling, not being comfortable in your own home. 

And you're right that moving out is expensive - but it is doable! Are you and your partner thinking you might have a room together in a share house? That can be a very cost effective way of moving out (you also might get the biggest room! Cat LOL)

I really feel for you @StormySeas17 it is a super tough time. Of course everyone has different experiences, but if it's of any comfort, I moved out when I was 18 and I loved it and I have no regrets ! Keen to hear what others experiences are too Heart

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Re: What's it like moving out?

I think it's great that you realise that your parents are invested in your life and interests, yet it would be better for your mental health if you move out. It sounds like you have a rough plan for what you're doing, and you're right, it may not be easy, but if it's important to you, it may be well worth it. Here's some resources I think you may find helpful in case you want to check them out.

 

I moved out because my uni wasn't close to home, although I had been begging my parents to let me move out long before that, without luck. I love the freedom you have and how you need to be responsible for everything. Just like you, I knew I wouldn't be able to work full-time for a long time, but with a bit of budgeting, working around 20 hours/week even on minimum wage could cover my expenses (I live in a shared house though, so my rent is a bit cheaper). I have learned so much in the past few years and my relationship with my family has improved lots. 

 

Good luck with your plan and I definitely suggest putting together a move-out playlist for packing and unpacking. Seriously it takes forever!

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Re: What's it like moving out?

@StormySeas17 we are so proud of you for putting your needs first and wanting to seek out an environment that is more supportive for your mental health. Would moving somewhere close to uni or seeking out uni accommodation be an option for you? They often create really friendly communities and can provide financial assistance and help you navigating living by yourself! You can of course keep up contact with the family and invite them to stay too.

 

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Re: What's it like moving out?

Hi @StormySeas17,
I'm so sorry to hear about what is going on between you and your parents. But if you look at the positives, you are starting a new chapter in your life and that's so exciting!

I moved out when I was 19 so that I could study at university in the city, and although our circumstances are different I also found moving a very daunting experience so I understand your apprehension. I was extremely nervous at the beginning and wanted to come home almost immediately but I eventually learned to love the city and my apartment, it also helped having made new connections at uni.

In terms of the costs, I have found it quite expensive but having roommates and access to youth allowance has help me considerably. Do you think you'd be able to receive some type of benefits from centrelink? They offer rent assistance for jobseekers and students I'm pretty sure!

I hope you find this helps you somehow and good luck with everything! I'm sure it'll all work out for the best, things often do!!

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Re: What's it like moving out?

Hi @StormySeas17,
My experience of moving out might be helpful for you. I moved out and decided to come to Australia when I was 16 because I had severe depression during that time and my parents gave me huge negative impacts on my mental health. At first, I felt sad as well because I had to be independent and be far away from my parents when I was only 16. I experienced a lot of negative experiences when I was living on my own, like the study stress, being diddled out of thousands of dollars because of my poor living experience. But the good thing was my depression was improving because my parents cannot negatively influence me anymore because of the distance and they also start to understand me, our relationships are improving as well.
I hope my experience can help you, and I think you can talk with your parents about moving out and trying to get their understandings and support.
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Re: What's it like moving out?

Hi @StormySeas17! Moving out can definitely be scary and a bit overwhelming, so I understand how you feel. But in my experience, it's 100% worth it. I moved out of home last year to be closer to university as well as improve my relationship with my parents (we were fighting a lot when we lived together - so wanting to move out for mental health reasons re parents is completely valid and something I can relate to as well.) I currently live in a sharehouse, which as others have mentioned is a good option if you're on a budget and will be especially cheap if you share a room with your partner. If you move into an already existing sharehouse it also saves you the stress and money of having to buy lots of furniture to fill up the common areas - you only really need to focus on your room! The caveat of this is that you might have to share a house with strangers which kind of sucks, but it's a good way to ease into out-of-home-living and only has to be temporary. Flatmates.com.au is a good website to look for rooms in already established sharehouses, and because the listings are private you get to speak to the landlord directly rather than muck around with a real estate agent and applications and all that jazz. 

 

Living out of home in my experience has definitely been helpful in making life more convenient, as well as allowing me to be more independent and drastically improving the relationship between my parents and I. I've found you get on each other's nerves a lot less and when you talk to your parents/visit them you actually spend a lot more positive, quality time together. I hope that if you choose to move you find the same thing! Smiley Happy

 

On a bit of a side note, it is really crucial is to make sure to come up with a system on how you'll split housework fairly, especially if you choose to just live with your partner. I found myself in a crappy situation with a boyfriend where he expected me to do most of the housework and cook because he didn't know how to cook! Needless to say we aren't together anymore haha.

 

Good luck and take care!! <3

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Re: What's it like moving out?

Hey @StormySeas17,  how are things going with you?

Hope you have found some of the experiences shared here helpful Smiley Happy

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Re: What's it like moving out?

@Hannah-RO Sorry for taking so long! Thank you everyone for replying! I think the common theme here is that nobody has regretted it and that's such a relief for me to hear. My goal would be to not have to move back in (my brother did and overstayed his welcome and it was a nightmare) so I'm trying to put some thought into it Smiley Happy Funds and budgeting definitely scares me the most because I would hate to feel like I'm living on the edge even if I know my parents would want to support me- thank you for the link @November13! At the moment things are okay at home, my parents haven't ever made it seem like they want me out but they understand my decision. I know my partner is going to be 'kicked out' by his parents when he graduates and I think we're ready to get some independence Smiley LOL

 

@November13 @jamijam @clarii3105 So my partner will have graduated by the time we move out and he's pretty keen on moving into a two bedroom flat which seems a bit much for me rent wise! Like it makes sense in the context that it's not that much more expensive than a one-bedroom once you've got the money to spend but still. I'd love to get a two-bedroom to fulfil my dream of being a cat foster mum but I'll have to see what we can realistically do. I will still have study allowance and I don't think he'll be making above the Centrelink threshold, I'll have to check if you get more for moving out. I hadn't thought of that so thanks for bringing it up @jamijam Smiley Happy I might have a look around at flatemate options too because I know there are some nice options in the area around my uni if we can't find anything cheap, luckily COVID seems to have made things cheaper for the time being. We think we're going to move to a place where I can go to uni and work by public transport and he can take my car to work. And yeah @clarii3105 I already manage most of my food and transport and everything by myself at home, it might be nice to have 'excuses' to see my parents to make it a bit more special. We've brought up chores in the past but I'll definitely be bringing it up again!

 

@Macaria It sounds like you had a huge experience moving out and coming to another country. I'm also a bit worried about study stress because I'm not going to be studying anytime soon. Do you have any tips about having to manage study and work and living by yourself?

 

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Re: What's it like moving out?

It sounds you have considered this quite a bit with your partner @StormySeas17, which is really great! Moving out of home can be a big step, so its really great that you have been considering various things like budgeting. Sorry to hear that your partner might get 'kicked out' by his parents, that must be hard for him! I hope that you can find a nice place in the area that you are looking in, it sounds like it will be a bit of a bonus if its close to work and your parents Heart Fingers crossed!