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What the hell is happening?

So, up until about two months ago, I had everything (that I need to have worked out) worked out. I had a really great life; I HAVE a really great life. I was going overseas in a week, I’d organised everything and it was great, I was so excited.

 

Then some kind of bomb it. I discovered that my parents (mum and step dad)  nearly got a divorce. My biological dad left when I was little and it was my step dad that would be doing the leaving. I don’t know whether it is good they are still together or not. I also discovered that both my parents have chronic depression, my sister tried to commit suicide like three years before and nobody had told me.

 

I went overseas and I was so stressed and anxious and freaking out about the stuff at home. I wasn’t worried at all about being so far away from my family or anything. It could be because I was afraid to go home.

 

I got back and my teacher is really sick (like dying), my sister had a car accident while I was away, my great grandmother past away (the first death I’ve ever experienced), and my friend left school and I’ll never see him again.

 

My self-esteem was officially shredded. I’ve built it back up but I guess it won’t be the same.

 

Did I just reach that point in life where everything goes pear shaped?

Re: What the hell is happening?


@GirlPentheus wrote:

Did I just reach that point in life where everything goes pear shaped?


This statement is both true and yet not true. It is a fact that most people will face something, or a chain of somethings, that are "pear shaped". It sounds like you've been through a lot of things, in a very short space of time. Some people might try to tell you that you should still be grateful for the things you have, but I think that is a terrible way to look at it.

 

Everything is relative. You had everything you wanted in life, and even were travelling overseas (which I did for the first time last year and it was amazing, as well as being the last thing I really needed to be doing at that time) and then life delivered its crushing blows, like only life can. No-ones to blame, these things just happen.

 

I know its hard, but you need to separate everything that has happened. There's no great evil force working against you, and if there was, it would undoubtedly get worse, which may also happen. The other people in your life must be feeling pretty hard done by as well.

 

But its important to stay focused, and deal with everything as it comes across your plate. There are plenty of people here who manage to deal with all sorts of atrocities, and you are no different. It is up to you how you deal with whats going on, but most importantly, that you do deal with whats going on, even if it is only the smallest of efforts, or even just surviving one minute at a time.

 

Talking about what you are going through is definitely the first step, and remembering that you are not alone.

Re: What the hell is happening?

I can't top @tesla-weapon 's reply — he seems to have hit all the points I would make, too — but I understand what it can be like.

 

When a a seemingly endless stream of unfortunate things happen around someone, my mother says "when it rains, it pours", usually followed by "these things are sent to test us." Not really sure what that means, but I always interpreted it as something like "don't worry, these things happen and you'll be a stronger person once it's over".

 

Sometimes how this makes you feel can just be about having a different perspective. These things that are happening are not happening to you, they're happening to other people. Since you've been lucky enough to avoid direct personal tragedy, you have the opportunity to be the one who helps and supports others — just as long as you make sure you're okay first.

 

 

Re: What the hell is happening?

Hey @GirlPentheus 

 

I just wanted to reiterate what the others have said. I don't necessarily think there is 'that point in life where everything goes pear shaped'. Everyone has crappy things happen, and sometimes they happen in isolation, but sometimes a few (or many) things happen all at once. That's life: it's uncertain, and there's no way we can ever predict what's around the corner.

 

The only thing you can control at the moment is how you deal with what is happening in your world. You said that you've built yourself back up, but that you don't think you will be the same. I think that's another part of life though. As humans, we're constantly changing, and we grow and learn and alter ourselves throughout our experiences. Just because you don't think you will be the same doesn't necessarily mean it will be different. 

 

I look back at some of the worst experiences I've ever had, and I remember at the time, feeling absolutely shredded - like you described. I felt like things would never be okay and I would never get back on my feet again. But I did. And I changed, yes. But I feel like I am now more self aware, more confident in my abilities, strengths and weaknesses, and more able to be comfortable with myself in the world. 

 

Basically - I know it feels like crap at the moment, but it might not feel like that forever. That said, it's important to talk to someone at the moment if you're struggling though - have you got anyone in your life that you can vent to? The things you've described are all really important, and if you're finding that you're struggling and not coping, it's definitely worth talking things through with someone. There's always Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800) or Lifeline (13 11 14) Smiley Happy

 

Hang in there... and let us know how you're going.

Re: What the hell is happening?

Thanks guys. Everything you’ve said makes sense, and it helps me to think things over rationally. @ gail, I don’t really have anyone in my family to vent on but I’ve got some friends who can take it and understand.

 

Things are already starting to look up, sort of. My grandma’s cancer is cured, so that’s a start. But at the same time my aunt and uncle are getting a divorce and my cousin is moving to England, but the bright side of that is I now have an excuse to go overseas.

 

I just have one more question. I know that millions of people are in situations way worse than mine. What’s your opinion on guilt, if you have one? I mean, I feel really bad (I know that isn’t very descriptive, it’s the best I’ve got) because there are people whose families are dysfunctional, who have serious stuff going on and I feel bad for being down because I have it so good. It just makes me feel pathetic and selfish.

 

You seem to have it all figured out. Thank you for your help.

Re: What the hell is happening?

I touched on this earlier. A common misconception people will try to badger you with is something like...

 

"Think of the starving children in Africa with AIDS and no fresh running water, you have it a lot better off than them."

 

But this is a terrible way to look at the world. If anyone ever tries to tell me this when I complain about my difficulties, I tell them that if they feel that way, maybe they can go and live in Africa, and leave me the hell alone.

 

Problems are relative. Meaning, yes, I have easy access to running water and electricity, so I don't worry about those things. I worry about relationships, and my emotional well being, because I do have all the basics of survival. You should never feel guilty for anything you are granted in life. You should feel like its the lottery, and you've already won it just by being here.

 

Feeling guilty for having parents who are dysfunctional when there are other kids who only have a single parent, is not a healthy way to view the world. Their home is relative to their lives. They only ever know of having one parent, so to them, its just normal. To you, having two loving parents, who love each other is normal. If something is to change from that normal state of affairs, then you are going to be in a lot of pain.

 

The only things you should feel guilty about, are the things you do when you know are wrong, and are going to hurt someone, and you knowingly do it anyway. And even then, you need to forgive yourself for feeling guilty. Guilt is never something you should feel for very long.

 

Accept that everyones situation is different, and if you say yours has just crashed and burned, I will be the first person to believe you, and I will empathise with your loss. Just the same as you would empathise if your friends told you they were having a hard time. Cut yourself some slack. You will find some human beings can be very kind hearted.

Re: What the hell is happening?

 @tesla-weapon , I'm not very good at saying thank you, but what you've just said is really helpful and it is totally logical to, so, thank you. Everyone's stuff passes, and I think by the sound of it mine will to. Hopefully I'll be a better person for it.

 

Thanks, your reasoning has help me, I'll see what happens now. Today has already bee better, lets hope the month follows!

Re: What the hell is happening?

Sometimes, you need to approach your life as if it is an epic battle in a heroic story. Striving to handle anything it throws at you, and come out victorious at the end of the day.

 

If there's one thing you can guarantee, its that something else will come along sooner or later that will knock you down. Its up to you how you are going to face it.

 

Good luck with it. We're always better people for life experience, just as long as we do something with the experience we get.

 

I think what passes, is the intense emotions we feel. The chemicals in our body that cause them, sky rocket, and once the stress goes away, so do the chemicals, and so do the feelings. Thoughts and feelings are only impermanent, meaning they are temporary, they are not ever lasting.

 

In time, we learn to watch our thoughts and feelings come and go, and focus on things which we deem to be important.

 

Smiley Happy

Re: What the hell is happening?

hey @tesla-weapon thanks again. That thing about stuff coming and going is great. Stuffs already going, and coming to. I've just been selected SRC President for 2014, so I'm on a high.

 

Thanks everyone for your help. Sometimes i just have to think stuff through.

-L

Re: What the hell is happening?

I couldn't pass up the opportunity to say a huge congrats for the SRC gig!

That's a pretty awesome achievement and a great opportunity to be repping your class mates!

I hope you do something wicked cool to celebrate!