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When a relationship goes bad...and I'm not coping

My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me today. 


We lived together for a bit at his parents' after I was forcibly shoved out of my own parents' house and needed somewhere to stay. As we were in each other's faces, I moved out into an apartment but we still wanted to continue the relationship.


But today as we broke up, he said how much he didn't like how bitter, vindictive, angry and resentful I can be and that every time we had a fight, he kept on giving me chances. He said that the reason why he was reluctant to break up in the first place was his own fear of being lonely and the guilt of knowing how much I love him.

 

I've tried really hard in the past and even now, to have my anger under control. We both have our own flaws, and I have been actively working on them. But it seems like he doesn't want to work on his own. 

Into the future, he says that he wants to remain just friends. But I can't help but be a bit wishful that as we grow as individuals (away from each other) that we could rekindle our relationship.

I'm feeling like a wreck right now and I just want some advice

 

I am just not coping well right now

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Re: When a relationship goes bad...and I'm not coping

Hey @Myvo, I'm so sorry to hear of your break up. I can only imagine how challenging that must be for you Smiley Sad

Thanks for posting in the forums, and I hope we're able to help you out a bit.

I think the important thing right now is to help you cope. So are there some self-care strategies that you've used in the past that you could use now?

What kinds of things help you to feel better?

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: When a relationship goes bad...and I'm not coping

Hey @letitgo

 

Thanks for your reply. 

 

Just talking to friends at the moment but I still feel really lousy. It just really stings me how apathetic and indifferent he is to the situation and how bad this is making me feel 

 

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Re: When a relationship goes bad...and I'm not coping

Hey @Myvo. I'm sorry to hear about the break up. I'm getting the feeling that you think that he isn't as hurt by the break up as you are? Is that right? 

Re: When a relationship goes bad...and I'm not coping

Hey @JanaG

Yeah, that's right. I feel like he's not as hurt by it as I am right now. I feel like such a total wreck. I took medication to help me sleep and I just work up now. The pain and the hurt just keeps on coming. I just want to be back with him and be a happy couple again Smiley Sad 

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Re: When a relationship goes bad...and I'm not coping

No worries @Myvo, I wish I could be more help.

I get the feeling that your relationship with him was really starting to define your life, and it might be difficult to imagine who you are without him, is that right?

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: When a relationship goes bad...and I'm not coping

@letitgo Yeah, pretty much. I saw a future with this guy and it looked good. Maybe that's my own fault for putting all my eggs in the same basket. 

 

At the moment, I'm just so sad but not sad enough to cry? Is that weird? 

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Re: When a relationship goes bad...and I'm not coping

Nah that's not weird @Myvo Smiley Happy You don't have to be cry to be sad, it's just mostly associated with it. How has your week been?

Re: When a relationship goes bad...and I'm not coping

Hey @N1ghtW1ng

 

Just slowly trying to gain my appetite at the moment and keeping myself busy with work. Talking it out with different people to gain perspective and opinion has been helping too. It's a slow progress but hopefully I get to a better place. 

 

The sadness and my mood just fluctuates a lot through the day, which can be exhausting. His mum and I are having coffee this weekend to catch up and chat. It's been a bit hard but getting better each day somehow. 

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Re: When a relationship goes bad...and I'm not coping

hi @Myvo, I'm sorry to hear about your break up. I've been through it too and break ups are really hard, especially when they've become long term. Can I ask, were you able to tell him that you've been trying really hard to keep your anger under control? I can sense that there's still unspoken words and that is making you feel lousy - am I right in saying that?