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Where has my life gone?

The life I used to have was amazing, my job was great and school was school. I've always been someone who wanted to find love like the movies. I have a big family who is always so welcoming and a lot of good friends. The life I had was amazing until I tried to make it perfect.

In the back of my mind I always had one regret and that was breaking up with my ex when I did. I don't regret breaking up with him but I do regret the timing of it. His dad had just passed away and our problems just got bigger. I honesty didn't know what to do so I just ran from it. I moved states and thought I would never have to deal with it again.

Here I am. After working so hard to make my life better than it was and trying to grow up a little bit, I found myself feeling bad for my ex. I decided to get a hold of him after 2 years. I figured I owed him an apology and maybe my pain could go away. Once we communicated feelings came back and what I was missing in my life was all of a sudden filled.

A couple of months ago he moved states with me too and we began our journey to our new life together. Things with us seemed to be on edge and our relationship was not like it once was. I feel like we do really have love for each other but maybe that was the only thing we had. There was no trust, no respect, and we could not seem to get it together. We both said things we should have never said, even though most of the things we said to each other were true. It has only been getting worse and worse, we just seem to bring the worst out in each other. I feel like we do just want the best but we both get so defensive when we speak the truth to each other. I have no clue what to call this relationship, it sure isn't right though.

Presently this so called relationship has me feeling very lost and alone. After all the emotional and verbal abuse, I just feel like I want to go to sleep and wake up from this nightmare. I don't even know if you can call these feelings I have for him "love" anymore. I feel very stuck and out of options. I'm feeling depressed like nobody can help me but him. I feel like the only way out of this is for him to realize what he is doing. I want us both to make big changes and stick to them. Even if we don't end up together I just want my life again.

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Re: Where has my life gone?

Hi there,

 

I hope you are feeling a bit better. I think from reading your post, it sounds quite familiar to my situation with my ex. We had so much love that binded us for 5 years but you know at the end we just werent for each other. 

 

From the looks of it I feel like he probably feels the same way about the relationship. I would advise talking to him about it. I think often you dont want to tell your partner that you are unhappy but if you dont then you guys cant really work towards anything. I remember when I raised the breaking up idea with her... she said shes been thinking about the same thing for a long time.

Talk with him and your futuret will be clearer and whether you guys try hard to work it out... or you guys tell each other that you guys dont fit. Communicate with him. 

Take care.

Re: Where has my life gone?

Welcome to ReachOut! I read your post @Bella18 and I understand you're feeling lost. It's horrible to feel stuck but also feel like you don't have control to get to the life you want. I'm sorry your relationship hasn't been the same as it once was and you feel like you have to work so hard at it. Relationships do involve a lot of work and sacrifice but there are some questions you can ask to work out if this is still a relationship you want. ReachOut has some useful articles on the topic of relationships that you might like to check out:

 

Is your relationship past its use-by date?

Signs of an abusive relationship

Moving on from a bad relationship

 

Let us know what you think of the articles and I hope you can make choices that you are happy with. Keep taking care of yourself and hope to see you around the forums more.

Re: Where has my life gone?

Hi @Bella18, sounds like you've been working really hard to improve your life and relationships. Sometimes we can't control the timing of events or the way that things unfold, and we have to be kind on ourselves when things go pear-shaped. 

 

Was there a time when your relationship was working better? What was different about that?

 

You have mentioned emotional and verbal abuse and if you feel the need to talk to someone about this you can contact

1800 RESPECT or Lifeline 13 11 14. 

 

You might also want to check out this page about relationships and conflict. You might be able to reflect on this page when these thoughts are cropping up again.

 

It sounds like a really tough time for you right now, you sound like such a driven and dedicated (and smart) person who deserves to be treated kindly! What other support structures in your life at the moment? 

 

Goodluck & let us know how you're going

Re: Where has my life gone?

Hey @Bella18, how are you feeling today? How has everything been going?