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Who am I?

I have been having problems with my mental health for several years, I have seen a psychatrist on and off for seven years (I am now 21) and I feel like no one knows what is wrong with me, which makes me feel helpless and hollow and really alone, like I don't know who or what I am. I had psychosis last year and I have just been trying to rebuild my life since then but I don't have any friends (except my boyfriend of 3 and a half years) and my parents are seperated and always busy, I am left alone in the house most of the time and I get really scared and anxious and feel helpless and abandoned. My psych says I have a "mood disorder", sometimes I am ok, then I get down or disorientated and I worry that I won't be able to complete my Uni degree which I am supposed to start next year. I worry that I will end up living of centrelink with no friends when I am older because my mental state is so fragile and unpredictable. I am on medication but nothing seems to stabalize my mood swings, it's a struggle to get to work, even to get out of bed and shower or eat sometimes. Other times I feel like nothing is wrong with me, then I shift moods or mindsets again...I feel so alone.


Re: Who am I?

Hey Anne, it sounds like things are tough right now but it's important to know you are not alone. A lot of us here on the Reach Out forums have experienced that feeling of helplessness before and we are all here for you. Are you able to discuss how you are feeling with your boyfriend and your psychiatrist?


Something that might help is being counscious of your negative self-talk and challenging yourself to turn that inner voice into a positive one. There is are a couple of really great threads here and here that can get you started. It's hard not to worry about the future, but cross that bridge when you come to it and start focusing on what you can do today to take care of yourself, even if it's something as small as taking a shower or going for a walk.


If you feel overwhelmed and nobody is around, don't be afraid to call Lifeline on 13 11 14. They have counsellors available 24 hours a day, ready to listen.


Also, just to let you know I edited your post to remove medication details as it breaches our community guidelines. If you are concerned that your medication isn't working, you should definitely discuss it with your psychiatrist.


Re: Who am I?

Hey annedert


That is such a big question and you are so brave to actually look within yourself and see that you want help. I'm 21 too and I am still trying to figure out who I am. You sound as though because no one knows what's wrong with you, you feel like you dont know who you are but you cannot let your problems with mental health define who you are. Check out this forum convo that I think will help you figure out what makes you the person you are. 


You sound very worried and I really feel what you are going through. I think when you worry it actually makes you feel worse and everytime I worry I try and push it out by visualizing something positive or purposely thinking about something good that could happen in the future. That's why self talk is so important as Ellebelle said. 


Maybe explaining to ur parents how you feel and that you are feeling abandoned and lost will help them see and figure out what they can do to help you, is that something you could do?


We are here for you. You are not alone 


Take care of yourself and join this convo on self care might help you focus more on you and your happiness. 

**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**

Re: Who am I?

Hey Anne,

The others have given awesome advice, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in how you are feeling. Many of us feel helpless about the future at times, and sometimes it can really help to talk to someone about what we are feeling and work out ways to feel less anxious about what's going on - talking to your boyfriend and/or psych is a great first step.

Please remember there are always people around who care and who we can chat to if we are feeling down.

Take care.