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Why is it so hard to accept help?

So I spent the last half hour trying to come up with the subject line but the truth is that I love my friends and that I give them all the help that I am capable of giving. They deserve all the help in the world but my question is:

 

Why is it so hard for us to accept help, or to realise that we have friends who would do as much for us as we would for them?

 

Recently I've been in a rut and being on my own is just a terrible time for me. I've reached a point where I think to myself that I need to see this through on my own, and that I don't need to bother people with my problems. At the same time, I have friends who also are going through a hard period in their life and it's so much easier for me to be there for them, than it is to expect for them to be there for you, you know? So let me repose that question:

 

How do so many of us develop this mentality where we are not worth the energy to be cared for, or given attention, even though we do not think so for others? 

Re: Why is it so hard to accept help?

Awesome question @pineapple1, thanks for sharing. I'm sure many of us can relate. I definitely struggle with accepting help from others. For the same reason you said, I don't want bother others with my problems - and it's totally understandable to feel this way. Is there anything RO can do to support you at the moment? Would you like to speak about it?

 

So answering your question: How do so many of us develop this mentality where we are not worth the energy to be cared for, or given attention, even though we do not think so for others? 

Tough question. I'm not too sure as to 'how' we develop this mentality. Personally for me I'd rather spend my time helping others, so it could be a personality thing?

 

Re: Why is it so hard to accept help?

It very well could be a personality thing. I feel it might be related to our self-esteem, and how we perceive ourselves? So it might be a thing that you could work on and improve with support and practice.

 

It's just mind-boggling that some of us, definitely me included, find it hard to 'apply' the logic of 'People matter, and so do I.' I can think about it and understand that, hey, I have friends, I'm a person with rights, people care for me and I matter. However when it comes down to a situation where I need people to see me or to make me matter, it's really really hard to feel self-worth.

 

 

Re: Why is it so hard to accept help?

What a great thread @pineapple1. Accepting help should be straightforward right? But it isn't, for so many people, especially for those who are kind and considerate and always thinking about other people's needs.

I think it's partly to do with your individual disposition too. If you're the caring, sensitive kind then it would be difficult for you to ask for help because you don't want to burden others.

It can also be really difficult receiving help if in the past you asked for attention or help and didn't get it (for example as a child you may have needed help from parents or teachers and you didn't get it) - then you may have believed that asking for help is wrong.

For me, it's also about not feeling good enough about ourselves. Like you said, it's really, really hard to feel self-worth. Building up self-esteem is a gradual process. The fact that you're thinking about it and have so much awareness already shows you're making great progress Smiley Happy 

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Re: Why is it so hard to accept help?

This is a really insightful thread, thank you for starting it @pineapple1. I agree with what has been said by some of the other users on here, when someone is so used to giving help and being the supportive one, it's hard to then flip that and take on the other role to "be helped" by others - seems silly doesn't it! As @Mona-RO says above, it might be due to feelings of not wanting to add to other people's problems, and the sense that you "should" be able to help yourself. 

I think it's a great start even by creating this thread on the forum, because it's probably something a lot of the users here can relate to Smiley Happy