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Will I ever get over this? Help!

I am 16 and I live in state care. My mother neglect me at the age of 6 months. I find myself looking for a mother figure in people that are older than me such as teachers and sometimes I kinda feel sad i havent got that love. I'm sick of getting so jealous when I see my friend's Mother's because they are always so loving and caring, esp. when I see my Aunt it makes me insanely jealous of my cousins. I really want a Mother...I just can't take it anymore.  What is wrong with me, is this normal or what. How can I just get over it that I will never have a milf! im just SOO effing stressed lately, I find myself crying a lot. I am constantly trying to find a mother figure that will guide me! Will this ever stop? Im 16 as you know and wanting a mother figure now seems to be kind of wrong? ts hard but I want a mum so much. Please don't judge me, I know this sounds crazy. 

Re: Will I ever get over this? Help!

Hi Tayla,

 

It doesn't sound the littlest bit crazy to me at all. In fact for you to miss having that mother figure in your life sounds like the most normal I have ever heard. We all need mother figures in our lives - whether they be our biological mother, or someone else who just takes a nurturing and caring role in our life and watches out for us. If you have done without that sort of support for nearly all of your life I can see why you are craving it so much, and why you understandably feel sad and jealous to see others getting it. 

 

My advice is that you shouldn't be ashamed of feeling this way, and in fact, you should be open about your need for that figure (or figures) in your life who can provide you with emotional support. Maybe there is a teacher or school counselor that you could talk to about this and who might be able to help you find this sort of mentoring influence? 

 

You might also find that if you talk to your aunt about how you feel she might be able to provide some of that TLC that you are craving. She probably doesn't realise how you feel and would be really happy to be there for you in the absence of your own mother.

 

One other suggestion I have is that you get in contact with an organisation called Big Brothers, Big Sisters (http://www.bigbrothersbigsisters.org.au/). They are an organisation set up for people just like yourself who need someone you can turn to or just hang out with in the absence of a parent. You could contact them yourself or ask an adult at school to help you get involved in the program.

 

I hope that helps - and just remember, there is absolutely nothing wrong with how you are feeling and you should not feel ashamed of it. You have done amazingly well to get by without that mother figure in your life and you shouldn't feel embarrassed to be looking for one now.

 

Re: Will I ever get over this? Help!

Hey Tayla.

 

What you have said isnt crazy at all!

When i was 16 me and my father didnt get along at all... I was drinking on school nights and getting in trouble all the time.

i ended up becoming real close with my basketball coach at the time.. he was like a father figure to me.. then he decided he wanted to sexual abuse me and screw with my head. ANYWAY after all this i get that same feeling.. everyone and their dads get along so well and ive just never had that.

 

First up you gotta accept what you have..... and more so be grateful for what you have.

Once you acctually do that you will start moving forward and thats where you want to be.

Its a hard thing to do sometimes but work at it, even with a counsellor or someone older then your self to help guide you.

 

You gotta take a step back for a second.. i belive in this world we have all we need inside our selves. At your age you probably wont see that but you will soon. All i  can say for now is look for someone to be the figure just because they are not your blood doesnt mean they dont care as much a real mother.. Its shitty i know but you gotta keep your head up kiddo our lives are too short to be sad all the time im relising that at 26.

 

Hope you understand where im coming from here