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appearance/body image

I know it's the cool thing not to care how you look, but  I can't keep it up anymore.

I don't look how I want to look, and I know I'll never get there even if I try. I can get closer, but it'll still be a joke.


Ever since realising/acknowledging that I'm somewhere on the trans spectrum, at least I've known why I've never cared about the body issues that I'm "supposed to" typically care about and instead care / pretended not to care about other ones. But it's just so annoying.


Re: appearance/body image

Hey @Bay52VU it's okay to care about the way you look. A lot of people care about their appearance for themselves or for others. You might feel that you'll never reach how you want to look, but you can get closer and you might find that one of the looks on that journey suits you.

Re: appearance/body image

Hi @Bay52VU, it's such a difficult thing when we have this image in our heads of how we wish we could look but that image seems unattainable. Often we might even perceive ourselves as looking unrealistically gross, ugly or undesirable- i.e. a lot worse than how others think.

Being on the trans spectrum and not having the body you want must be so frustrating for you on a daily basis. And as @N1ghtW1ng said, it is definitely okay to care about the way you look. How have you been coping lately, or what's helped before?

Re: appearance/body image

Hi @Bay52VU, it sounds like you're really frustrated and upset with your body image? Being concerned with appearance is nothing to be ashamed of and is really common (in fact, the Butterfly Foundation suggest that about 1in 4 young Australians are primarily concerned with their image).


There is nothing wrong with caring about how you look, but if it starts to cause you distress or make you feel bad about yourself, then it might be unhealthy and worth talking to someone about.  There is a bunch of information on body image here.  Specifically, you might want to check out the part about appreciating the body and health (personally, I find that most effective).


What are you unhappy with/what do you want to look like?


Re: appearance/body image

why dont you try medidation its really good for your inner health/mind?


Re: appearance/body image

Hi @Bay52VU,


Sorry to hear that you've been feeling so down about this. Have you got the support of friends of family members around at the moment? I think it's great that your listening to your body and mind by acknowledging you are somewhere on the trans spectrum. I hope you know that we are all here to help you,




Re: appearance/body image

 @N1ghtW1ng thanks, I guess I just don't want to be someone who cares about it.


@OceanMaster1207 Right now I'm back to being able to ignore it. But when it's upsetting me I'm not very good at dealing with it.


@tsnyder what I want to be different is mostly:

- shorter hair

- stronger upper body with muscle definition

- flat chest

- straight front-on profile for the waist-hips-thighs region (ie. not bulging out to the the size of Australia like wtf)

- stronger legs

- to be able to wear guys clothes without looking like a girl who's wearing guys clothes (or looking like a nothing lame loser freakazoid mrs potatohead who's gained a mishmash of wrong limbs/face parts and never learned to dress themselves)

I agree that it's a good idea to try and focus on body performance rather than appearance, although my performance leaves a lot to be desired as well 


@trynottobeadick thanks for the suggestion. I don't think I'd ever find the time for meditation though, it's not really something that's ever appealed to me.


@Lahna I'm not going to talk to friends/family about this. It's like the absolute last thing I'd want to talk to them about.


Re: appearance/body image

@Bay52VU that's quite a list to be carrying around!  It sounds like you feel really strongly about this, and it must be incredibly frustrating for you, but nothing on the list suggests you're a loser! (You probably have way more to offer than just appearance based stuff!)


Most people find it really important to feel like your appearance matches who you are on the inside.  Also, wanting to change some things is okay and normal.  However, it is concerning to hear how much importance you give it!  What are some ways you could keep the list, but not give it so much power over how you feel about yourself?  Have you thought about maybe dividing the list up into what you can control and what you can't (for instance, perhaps shorter hair and stronger muscles are something you could achieve)?

Re: appearance/body image

Are you a part of any Trans groups or even frequent any of the facebook pages on those subjects? You may feel better about caring about these things if you see other people who care they way you do, and people who understand and will support any changes you make/want to make.
They would also have resources and information to help you with achieving a body that you feel more comfortable in.

Re: appearance/body image

Hey @Bay52VU I can definitely understand how complex this whole thing is. Like @tsnyder mentioned, it would be great if there was a way to still keep that list of things to work on without it consuming you as much. 


I now understand how much of a predicament your in, because you don't want your family to know, yet if you begin changing your appearance they will know somethings up. I also like the idea that @Birdeye has about connecting with other individuals experiencing the same thing. You might find some well deserved support.


I admire you for speaking out about this, as I'm sure there are other readers experiencing the same thing. 


How would you go about changing a few small things? Although you may not look like the person you want to on the outside, there is nothing stopping you from being who you truly are on the inside. Remember that we "do" gender, it's an action that we choose. We are guided into a specific performance of gender, but we are not restricted to it.