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being taken avantage of

first of all if this is in the wrong section feel free to move it no hardship

 

well ive felt really bad about this and i wanted to see if i can get some advice off you guys . ive got a mate that ive known for about 15 or so years so a large majority of my life . about six months his quit his job to go skate like full time and try get  sponsered and recently he been hitting me up for alot money . everytime we get lunch he seems to have no money and purposally goes with out or guilts some one into feeding him . which was fine at first we all hit hard times and im happy to help people out. but this is gone on for a couple of months and i kinda feel like me and my other friends are being taken advantage of and ive kinda taken it personally as much as ive tried not to

 

ive tried talking to him but he instantly becomes really offensive changes the topic and then gets really pissed off

 

im trying to think of techniques to talk to him but im coming up empty . does anyone have any tips to deal with this as silly as it sounds its really bumming me out

Re: being taken avantage of

My friend does the same thing. People wonder how we can possibly be friends: he's funny, incredibly supportive and teaches me random stuff all the time.

 

What I do is either have lunch at home, so there's no food cost involved and he only has to turn up. We also pack picnics and go to the beach or the park and hang out. Discounts and movie vouchers help when we go to the mall(he loves to shop). 

 

Have you write a letter or email explaining how you feel? That might help as it'll take the defensiveness out of the situation and allow him to see things from your point of view. 

Re: being taken avantage of

Hey Switch,

I have had this many times. I think to actually get it across, every time they asked for money or to go out, I would just say no or simply say, I have no money. That way, they have the opportunity to be like, I will pay or just do something else.

Re: being taken avantage of

Hey switch,

This is a bit of a dilemma, hey? It's really tough when we feel as though a friend is using us and we don't want to offend them by telling them but we are sick of them using us too! Such a complex problem!

It seems to me as though he doesn't have much income at the moment? I don't know how much professional skateboarding pays but I imagine unless you are Tony Hawk, it would be really tough when you are just starting up. So maybe the best way to approach it is to talk to him about his money issues. Even just casually, ask him about whether he has any sponsership deals and if the money is okay, and then if he admits he is struggling with money, tell him that you have noticed he doesn't pay for much when going out. BUT emphasize that you are more so concerned than anything else and that you want to help him but can't afford to keep paying for everything. And then have a bit of a discussion with him about how he can earn some money while still following his skateboarding dreams (maybe getting a night job might be a good option if he skates during the day?).

I also love the suggestions from shadow on "cheaper" options when spending time with him. Maybe you could even ask to have lunch at his place one time and see what he says?

I hope this helps, I don't know how much sense I've made! You sound like a great friend though so I hope everything works out for you both!

MM

Re: being taken avantage of

well ill try and thank all of you the cheaper options is probably a good option like make it easy for him to make sandwichs at my house or something . im just over eating at like hungry jacks and stuff like that because its the easiest way to feed him . n hes flow he makes no money at all he just gets product like boards and tee shirts . most people sell it and work part time jobs to support them selfs.

 

n he kinda has a job too and just refuses to work but getting a letter and really sitting down to talk to him is probably the best approach

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Re: being taken avantage of

thanks ali

 

its just really hard to do that if we dont feed him he simply doesnt eat until he gets home  later on at night

Re: being taken avantage of

Hey switch Smiley Happy (love your name)

 

Well sounds like a hard situation and I think there are so many ways you can deal with it but first it depends on how your relationship is and how you speak to each other. I'm very direct with my friends and when something is bothering me I tell it to em straight even though it hurts sometimes and they might be angry but the way I see it wouldnt you rather have a friend who is honest with you than a friend who holds back how they feel or think about you. 

 

Writing a letter is a great idea because he will read it first and wont interrupt you, you could also do an intervention with all your friends involved and just all talk to him. 

 

Hope things go well. Smiley Happy

_________________________________________________
**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**

Re: being taken avantage of

Unfortunately you must make the decision about how much you will help someone. People who do not feel obliged to pay their way can form a habit of using others instead of working or budgetting to be responsible for their own bills. Many people would love to pursue their passion, but that does not mean you are obliged to pay their way. A responsible person has learnt to be independent and not to expect others to act as surrogate parents or banks. if your friends seem to be leaving you to pay for themyou have a right to say no or stick to prescribed limits. If does not feel good to be taken advantage of and it does not benefit the taker by always rescuing them instead of encouraging them to grow up and be responsible for paying for what they want to enjoy. If a person takes it for granted that you will always pay for them they lack respect for themselves and you. Perhaps state your opinion, but do not feel guilted or manipulated into meeting your friend's needs at your expense. There is generosity and being used. Set limits and boundaries to avoid feeling exploited. 

Re: being taken avantage of

I'm with you on this one Chris60... good advice. And welcome to the forums by the way... I see that you are a newbie.

Cheers

Benny