Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

can just barely ask for help...

So I haven't been here in....over a year perhaps...Just something really bothering me today


So, I want this totally amazing job opportunity, to get it I need some references. Which of course means that I have to ASK people for references.


The extreme feeling of inadequecy I have right now is...a definate road block. I mean, I've managed to ask around (via email) but I can't shake this feeling. I mean, I started thinking about it, how people usually take "that tone" where its like they're "happy to help" but at the same time "looking down on you for not knowing". But I've asked via email, there is no tone, its in my head, its all in my head. 


I don't.....I don't get it. I didn't really deal with the feeling, I fought through it, I'll have to fight through it again when I get some replies and again when I actually use them. It's always like this always when I ask for help, or even when people just offer it without me asking. And it's still here, lingering, it's still here...

Re: can just barely ask for help...

Hi alter-ago, welcome back to the forums!


It's tough asking old or current employers for references, worried they might say no or give you a less than positive one. It sets up an opportunity for rejection, and that can be really scary. I was a manager for a brief period of history, and giving references is all part of the job. It can even make you feel kinda proud that someone you hired is going onto bigger and better things! This is a great opportunity for you, and even though it makes you uncomfortable to ask for help it's worth it - because YOU are worth it.


Have you read this Reach Out article on building self-confidence? One of the biggest challenges we face is fighting against our own negative self-talk. A great way to start turning that around is to check out some of the forums threads like 'Turning Negatives Into Positives'. In fact there are lots of threads here with the intent to focus on the good and stop being so hard on yourself. Now that you're back, I hope you can stick around and participate in some of them!


Re: can just barely ask for help...

Hey alter-ego 


Welcome back and we are glad to have you Smiley Happy 


Asking for help is definitely a hard thing to do and I can relate to how you are feeling. It is great that you have this opportunity and I hope the job opportunity works out for you. Sometimes feeling like we are not worthy means that we are preparing for disappointment and if it does come we tend to have a "I knew it" kind of attitude. But what I've noticed is that, that kind of attitude can stop you from trying because you are scared to fail and honestly a positive attitude, a hopeful attitude can boost your confidence so much. 


ElleBelle has given you some good factsheets to check out. You need to remember that YOU ARE WORTHY and maybe everytime these thoughts come up, try thinking of something positive or something you love maybe that would push that thought away. You deserve the best 


Take care of yourself Smiley Happy 

**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**