cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Re: cant wait to get out of here

Nah I didn't much @ElleBelle I guess thats pretty important to bring up with them

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: cant wait to get out of here

It seems to be a constant source of pain and frustration for you, so I reckon it would really help to discuss a plan of action with your psych and see how you can improve the situation for yourself.

Re: cant wait to get out of here

Yeah thats true @tsnyder I know that when Dad was around Mum basically had no choice but to do what he said and treat me like dirt, which made me think that after he died maybe mum didn't feel pressure to act like that towards me anymore, but she still does and it's gotten worse. I'm just over her drinking and going off at me, apologising the next day then have it happen again that night, I am trying so hard to get her help because obviously she needs it but apparently i'm just an ungrateful child and I should shut up. Even when she's not drinking she treats me and others badly and then wonders why she can't have her kids back, far out, pisses me off. She started screaming at me when I told her yas and I were engaged, see how happy things can't even be celebrated? All she cares about is her stupid drinking and how much fucking crack she can get.  I just want family that care, thats really all I want. Mum can't give that to me, Dad obviously can't and never tried in fact he did the opposite and thats all I got. it just sucks. I'm trying so hard to get away from all the shit in my family but like you said I can't cut ties with her but what if thats what I have to do to keep myself from going insane? It's sort of like for me have my mum who treats me badly but have somebody vs have nobody not even mum. 

Obviously I have my fiances family and thats cool, love them to bits, but it's pretty harsh when something like this happens "Oh, what does your mum do? Haven't seen much of your family, maybe we could do dinner one night" (like the other night from yasmin's grandma) thats pretty fucking disheartning even after years of a similar thing from different people. 

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: cant wait to get out of here

@ElleBelle sort of not going to headspace right now... working on it, just finding it hard. But to honest my whole family is just a constant source of pain and frustration, why couldn't I be born into a good family. 

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//
Highlighted

Re: cant wait to get out of here

@j95  

Try and take a giant step back and look at your mother from a objective point of view.  She may completely lack the capacity for express how she truly feels, combined with the effects of drugs and alcohol and I do not believe her thoughts would be coherent at all.  She may feel incredibly ashamed of the way she acts and of herself as a person, leading to frustration, leading to more drugs and alcohol and outbursts.  Psychologically, she may be in a lot of pain right now.

Take the situation of her screaming at you when you told her you were engaged.  She may have been concerned for you as you are still young, but she does not have the capacity to express this so she verbally abuses you. 

The point is, I really want you to contemplate how she may be feeling right now when she insults you.  Why may she be acting like this? Could she be hurting? Could it come from a place of concern?

Truly, when I read about you and your mother my heart goes out to you both, it is very sad. 
Regarding your decision to stay or not stay with you mother - it does not need to be made immediately.  Give yourself time for reflection.  When we are being abused our innate reaction is an immediate one, to separate yourself from the situation.  This is where you need to be reflective. Do not make a decision out of spite or anger.  This situation requires you to be wise beyond your years but I believe you have the ability to consider both you and your mothers well being. 

When you are in an argument with your mother and, moreso, when you are living your own life, make sure your actions are self directed and in occordance with your own values and morals.  That is, don't be reactive to your mother, respond in a manner that corresponds with your own moral compass

Let me know how things progress

 

Re: cant wait to get out of here

@j95 that sounds like a really complicated family situation to be in. I think @ElleBelle 's suggestion of speaking about it with a psych could be useful for coming up with strategies to connect with your family members is a good idea.

About you relationship with you mother, that's a very difficult relationship which both of you are suffering in, and it seems that your mother is aware to some extent of how she's treating you. Have you tried seeing a psych together? Would she be open to that?