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cheater & liar

I'm 24 F, in a 9 year relationship, have a good job,nice car,2 years ago bought a house with my partner but I've never been 100% honest with anyone in my entire life.
I've gotten myself into trouble in the past 10 days. I was unfaithful to my partner again. 4 years ago when I was stuck in a whirlpool of depression and aniety I slept with my partners Boss a few times. The Boss then left his job and only has contact with my partner via fb and mobile phone
I had had little contact with this man over the past 4 years, he had contacted me 2 or 3 times via fb him always msging me first but once It stopped I never went back untill thursday week ago I messaged him purely with the intention of just saying hello and making sure he was ok (bit of a loose cannon and I can never be sure if he would tell my partner or not) I ended up talking to him for 5 hours and then I lied to my partner and went to his house in the saturday night. We had protected sex but he did rub his penis on me twice before he put the condom on (both times I told him no)

My concern is that 3 days ago I found a lump down there and things hadn't been quite right since I had the encounter with"the boss". I made an urgent apt with my gp yesterday and he told me I have herpes. I have no idea what I should do.
If I tell my partner I know it will crush him and I don't think he could ever forgive me. My partner knows I have herpes and is being very supportive of me he doesn't know the real reason why I got it thou and I don't think I have passed it on to him yet.
I feel guilty for doing all of this and I need help. I want to have children with my partner and I really do love him with all my heart- his boss was just a temporary escape from bigger issues I couldn't deal with.

Does anyone else live with herpes that can offer adivce?

Re: cheater & liar

I'd speak with my GP and ask him/her more about herpes. 

Chance of passing it to my partner, having kids, protecting your partner, talking about it to my partner etc.

Thing is I think herpes can lie dormant for many many years so its really hard to say who you got it from. I think you speak to your GP to learn more about it.


Take care and dont even know if you should talk to this guy about the herpes. You know, being responsible and all.


Re: cheater & liar

Hey @Belinda13,

It's really good that you got checked out by your GP, and that you were honest with your partner about having herpes. That means you can both decide together how to manage it so it doesn't impact on your relationship. Here's some info that might help you:

Managing an STI in your relationship

It sounds like your partner is super important to you, and you know you want a future with him. You mentioned you've never been 100% honest with anyone in your whole life, but everyone deserves a partner who is honest with them - and that includes both you and your partner. Since he was ok about learning about your herpes diagnosis, it sounds like he really cares about you too. Maybe you need to trust yourself, and your partner, and tell him the truth. 


Good luck!