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does he deserve me?

I have been a committed wife and mother. I have been working hard to make sure that everything was ok. Life was perfect! Beautiful daughter, happy family and good jobs. Then he finds someone else. He cheats on me for three months. We go on holiday and tells me lies over lies to hide the affair. He tells me the most horrible things to try to blame me for his distance. We come back and we start couple's terapy...he is still in contact with her. More lies....eventually we receive a call from her husband telling me all the truth. This was a month ago...Now he is depressed on antidepressant and sleeping tablets. He says he is not depressed and that he wants to go, but doesn't go. This situation is killing me. I don't want to through him out, he is the father of my daughter but I don't know what to do. He says he loves me but can't have sex with me as he is no longer attracted to me.



I am going crazy!



Re: does he deserve me?

Hey @Rebecca Red


Welcome to  I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling unsure of what to do next, as the situation continues to unfold. It's definitely not an easy one and finding a solution can be challenging. You'll find that the resources here cater to a younger audience (14-25 years). However, if you find them useful, feel free to stick around. 


Have you spoken to him about each others' views? You've said that he says he would leave but doesn't but you don't want to throw him out, due to your daughter. Do you think it would be worth taking into account everyone's best interests - yours, his, and your daughter's - in the form of pros and cons?


If you feel that you're struggling to make a decision, you can chat to the folks on the forums at beyondblue or make a counselling appointment with Relationships Australia. RA caters for one-on-one and couples' counselling that could be beneficial to talk it through with a pro. As you've also expressed concerns for your daughter as well, you can also ring Parentline too. 


Hope this helps and let us know how you go. 







Stay excellent

Re: does he deserve me?

Hi @Rebecca Red, that sounds like a really awful position to be in and it must be really confusing and painful to go through. You mentioned couples therapy, is this something you're still involved in? Even speaking to a counsellor on your own can be a big help in times like these. 

Re: does he deserve me?

Hey @Rebecca Red


It sounds like you are in a difficult situation right now, you are a great mother and wife and that is so important but it is also important to be great to yourself as well. It seems like you are not happy in this life with him and it might be taking a massive toll on you and that is not okay. You know what they say about a woman's intuition, follow that and go with that. Do what feels right to you even though it may not be to other people. 


**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**

Re: does he deserve me?

I have no advice for you.

Hugs and hope it all works out well in the end.


stay strong

Re: does he deserve me?

 I dont have a lot of experience with this age, but from my limited knowledge from my experiences and perhaps hearing about friends parents etc, It seems that once the trust is broken, its really easy for further lieing and deceipt to occur and other behaviour to occur.


Perhaps one thing you could think about is whether you think this was a temporary phase your husband went through (perhaps he is feeling unhappy about his job, and to deal with that he is trying to find some new excitement in his life? - just an example) or if its likely to be a repeated thing, and in that case, you definately dont deserve that kind of treatment.


Hope you are able to make some progress