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dont know what to do with myself

im having such a hard time lately that i dont know what to do with myself 😞 

so many emotions.so many thoughts.  so many aniversaries, triggers. 

failing at so much. realisations. sad. alone. 

scared01
scared01Posted 23-04-2019 07:09 PM
 
 
 
 
 
scared01
scared01Posted 24-04-2019 06:38 PM
hey @mspaceK
sorry i ended up logging off, i was feeling quite tired but didnt sleep much. rested abit though so that counds.
I hope work at the new place went ok if you got called in..
 
 
 
 
 
mspaceK
mspaceKPosted 24-04-2019 11:56 PM

Thank you @scared01 . Thankfully I didn't get called in and I had a relaxing day at home and just went out with some friends. 🙂 super tired. 

 
 
 
 
 
scared01
scared01Posted 25-04-2019 11:32 AM
that sounds nice @msapceK
what are you up to today?

@xXLexi_Lou122Xx Thanks so much
 
 
 
 
 
mspaceK
mspaceKPosted 27-04-2019 12:15 PM

I will thank you @scared01 . I think i'll go make myself some toast for now and see how that goes down. I'm also going to do some reading or colouring in. Probably colouring in first. 

 
 
 
 
 
scared01
scared01Posted 27-04-2019 12:17 PM
sounds like a good plan @mspaceK
 
 
 
 
 
scared01
scared01Posted 28-04-2019 01:20 PM
just as i think im making good steps forward i go backwards. life doesnt seem very fair 😞
 
 
 
 
 
mspaceK
mspaceKPosted 28-04-2019 01:46 PM

Hey there @scared01 . Would you like to talk about what's going on for you right now? 

 

Sometimes a drop happens right before a mighty climb. It's hard but we get there - little steps at a time. 

 

Did something happen to make you feel this way? 

 
 
 
 
 
scared01
scared01Posted 28-04-2019 03:03 PM
thanks. cant seem to do anything right anymore. dont see the point in trying right now.
even family seems to hate me. no respect just expectations
 
 
 
 
 
mspaceK
mspaceKPosted 28-04-2019 03:07 PM

These are some really tough feelings to be experiencing @scared01 . Did something happen today with your family to trigger this? 

 

By the way - I just wanted to remind you of how courageous you are being with all your health issues right now, as well as taking the steps to see your psychiatrist. Those are positive steps and the right things to do - including even talking here to express your feelings. Let it all out. I'm here! 

 
 
 
 
 
scared01
scared01Posted 28-04-2019 03:17 PM
i have to go in a few minutes though. thanks for chatting. have to go finish a few things around the house and go get my other sibling
 
 
 
 
 
mspaceK
mspaceKPosted 28-04-2019 03:24 PM

No problems @scared01 . Good luck with the rest of your day. Feel free to let me know how it goes! 

 
 
 
 
 
scared01
scared01Posted 28-04-2019 03:16 PM

thanks @xXLexi_Lou122Xx @mspaceK 

 

yeah theres beens a few things today. family things again. just dump the kids on me. kids have attitude with me as soon as they walk in the door because i never do anything blah blah blah. also no longer have one of my jobs because the people there dont like me because im apparently annoying- reason for being annoying is during the job i talk to the kids and parents rather than mopeing around like some of the teenagers that are there. 

been a shite day and its not even over yet. 

 
 
 
 
 
mspaceK
mspaceKPosted 28-04-2019 03:21 PM

Yep - that is so frustrating to have to deal with that and feel like you're getting no recognition for the good work you are actually doing. @scared01 . 

 

Actively communicating and being positive is definitely better than how those other teenagers sound like. I'm so sorry that they aren't respecting you. That isn't very fair at all! 

 

What do you mean when you say that "the kids say you don't do anything?" I know that working with kids who don't respect you is very hard. I've had to deal with some pretty stressful situations regarding that sort of thing and it can be exhausting 😞 

 
 
 
 
 
scared01
scared01Posted 28-04-2019 03:26 PM

kids im refferring to are more my siblings @mspaceK sorry wasnt very clear about that. my siblings nor anyone in my family have much respect for me. they just look at me with disgust. not surprised, im not worth anything in this life.

The kids at where i was working just looked at my funny but i expected that i am a stranger to them. they werent the ones with the problem, its the people running it that had the problem or more so there teenage kids (its a family run buissiness so there kids have a say sometimes too) guess they complained enough to their parents. but who knows maybe the parents of those kids who attend where i worked didnt like me either. 

 
 
 
 
 
xXLexi_Lou122Xx
xXLexi_Lou122XxPosted 28-04-2019 03:27 PM
That really sucks, hey.
At least you still have your other jobs, right?
 
 
 
 
 
scared01
scared01Posted 28-04-2019 03:29 PM
yeah still got the other jobs
 
 
 
 
 
mspaceK
mspaceKPosted 28-04-2019 03:36 PM

That's really awful 😞 it's so much worse when it comes from our own siblings because they're traditionally supposed to be the people who build us up and who put up with our crap and still love us. I'm guessing they have been saying some hurtful things today @scared01 ? The feelings you have described about feeling worthless sound quite strong today. Well despite your siblings being annoyed with you, you do matter and you do have an important role! Just like with getting your other sibling today. You got this ❤️ 

 
 
 
 
 
scared01
scared01Posted 28-04-2019 05:14 PM
thank you both for your support. turns out ive got siblings even longer than expected.
im just really over this. im sick of being a burden to everyone. maybe one day i wont be
 
 
 
 
 
scared01
scared01Posted 04-05-2019 09:49 AM
is the new movie any good? @xXLexi_Lou122Xx
my siblings want to see it too.

i am mostly tired since pain is rather draining. i have the sorest symptoms of wisdom teeth pain. cant wait for them to be taken out!

i hope you start to feel better soon!
 
 
 
 
 
xXLexi_Lou122Xx
xXLexi_Lou122XxPosted 03-05-2019 10:40 PM
I've seen the new movie twice. My dad downloaded it, so I can watch it whenever I want...

Apart from the movie, how are you?
I could most certainly do better... I've been sick again, but I'm ok.
 
 
 
 
 
scared01
scared01Posted 03-05-2019 08:21 PM
i was watching just the original movie @xXLexi_Lou122Xx
i want to see the new movie though.
 
 
 
 
 
xXLexi_Lou122Xx
xXLexi_Lou122XxPosted 03-05-2019 04:56 PM
That sucks that you were super drained yesterday @scared01.

At least you had a good psych appointment!
How to Train your Dragon is great. Are you watching the Hidden World? or episodes?
 
 
 
 
 
scared01
scared01Posted 03-05-2019 01:35 PM
hey @Jay-RO
thanks, happy to help where im able to.
sweet potato chips and milo were yum but not together lol.

most of my days are busy, i didnt have as much to do yesterday thouhgh but was super tired and drained.
i seen my psych today and it went ok which was nice, i didnt leave there feeling crappy like i normally do so its set the day up to be abit better.
im watching how to train your dragon now and sorting through to see what help im able to get my caree during the time im away. hes becoming more and more reliant so one or two family members popping in for a few minutes isnt going to be enough
 
 
 
 
 
Jay-RO
Jay-ROPosted 03-05-2019 12:20 PM

Hey there @scared01, how was your rest day? 

 

You have been doing an amazing job supporting other users recently, and yourself. I noticed that you shared some good things of your day and how you did practiced self-care, milo and sweet potato chips sound delicious. 

 

I hope that today has been a nice day and not to busy for you 🙂

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