cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

dont want to end up like dad

something i have been finding difficult is the thought of me ending up like my dad and with all this anger stuff i worry about that it really scares me

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: dont want to end up like dad

That really sucks.. I know how hard it can be to feel that way and I know for sure that we aren't alone. I don't really want to become like either of my parents and sometimes I can see the similarities and it is really difficult to experience that.

What is it that makes you worried about becoming like your dad? Or what makes you feel like that is a possibility?
—————————

Whether you think you can or think you can’t, either way you are right.
– Henry Ford

Re: dont want to end up like dad

@T4ils with all this anger stuff lately I get really worried that I'm just like him I don't want to be that type of person
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: dont want to end up like dad

I'm really glad that you've brought this up @j95.

I have a similar fear but about my mother. I look at everything I do and anytime I do something, particularly something emotional that I know rationally that I shouldn't do I then feel horrible because I feel like I'm doomed to be her - or that I already am.
I was speaking to my brother a couple of months ago and it was super relieving to find that he had this same fear. Relieving because, it's just nice to know that we're not alone.

I've been trying to think lately, especially since it's what I told him, that because we're aware of it we're going to notice it and try to stop ourselves doing it. What do you think of that?

Re: dont want to end up like dad

Yeah I think I kind of agree @Birdeye i guess there are some ways I am not like him
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: dont want to end up like dad

Can you tell us more about the ways you know you're not like him?

Re: dont want to end up like dad

Well I have a job and that's one thing, so I'm kind of doing something with my life, I'm the first person in my family to have a job/studying.

I also don't have addiction problems and stuff so I guess I have better control of myself idk what I'm trying to say 

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: dont want to end up like dad

@j95 I relate to this thread so much, except like @Birdeye my fear is around becoming my mother and I want to thank you both for posting because I felt so reassured reading what you'd written.

 

That's some pretty solid evidence as to why you're not like your dad @j95. And one way I try to think of it is that even if I exhibit the behaviour she would e.g. pushing other people away, being really irrational, what's important is how I react, how I pick myself up afterwards, and the same is true for you.

I saw your post apologising for how you spoke to some people on here the other night, and I think that is a massive step away from your dad and towards you becoming your own person. What do you reckon about that?

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: dont want to end up like dad

Thanks for making that list @j95. Those are very big things of difference, I think. You're setting yourself up for a whole other life and situation to what your parents, and your dad, had.

And I'm glad that you relate with us too @letitgo, even though it's not a great thing to also feel. I like your thing about it being about the way you react when you recognise similarities.
I freak out whenever I notice similarities, so I haven't figured out exactly how to make sure my reaction is different to hers yet, but it's something I really want to work on.
Is there anything you did/do to support you reacting differently?