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eating issues

I think I'm resorting back to my eating disorder behaviors. I recovered from an ED a year or so ago. But this last week or so I've been slipping back quite bad.
And tbh I don't really care. I like what the ED does for me. When I'm sick I can't think or feel anything. Which because I've been struggling so much lately I want. I want the numbness and fog. And I want to get skinny again.
The meds I was put on a few weeks ago gave me weight gain rapidly but I lost what I put on and more over the last week.
I know this can be dangerous but I can't bring myself to force myself back into healthy eating. I don't really know what to do. I'm stuck between wanting RO stay in recovery or to go into a full blown relapse.
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Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
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Re: eating issues

I have no idea if this is right or not, only you can answer - is it possible that because you are trying so hard not to self-harm that you've turned to another coping mechanism, around control & eating? It could be that self harm, ED are both ways of coping with painful emotions? What do you think?

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Re: eating issues

Yeh I think your right. I guess my ED is just another form of self harm or negative coping mechanism
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: eating issues

Hey @redhead , have you mentioned this to a therapist or anyone else? You don't have to struggle on your own, and you can mention the fact that you might be using ED as a coping mechanism.

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Re: eating issues

Hey @redhead 

 

A trick that can sometimes work to help with coping mechanisms is to imagine yourself face to face with a child who is doing the same thing. So in this situation,, imagine you're with a kid who is purging or not eating at all (however your ED manifests) and so you say to the child "how come you're doing that to yourself?" and the child says to you "because I'm scared and sad."

then you imagine what you would say to the child to help them feel better.

Write that on a pice of paper and stick it to your mirror.

Read it every day to remind yourself that you deserve to be soothed and nutured in the way you would a small child.

 

 

Smiley Happy

 

Re: eating issues

@redhead

You've recovered from an ED before, you can recover from it again. Don't let this relapse deter you from seeking help. Have you spoken to a GP about what's been happening?
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sometimes it rains, sometimes it shines, this is how flowers grow

Re: eating issues

I'll talk to my therapist about this on Monday
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: eating issues

@redhead 

 

just wanted to let you know that we're here for you and as @jvkn mentioned, you've been through this before and you can get through it again so try to stay strong. I'm glad that you're still in touch with your therapist and i think it might help to have an honest discussion with them about how you're currently feeling about ED behaviors. 

 

I also think it might help to check in with your GP and let them know you're feeling, particularly about the meds and weight gain. I can imagine that would be extremely tough to deal with. 

 

In the meantime please feel free to keep all updated on how you're going, and how things go with your therapist tomorrow! Hang in there. 

Re: eating issues

Hey @redhead , how did things go with your therapist?

Re: eating issues

It went well. I was able to tell her that I've been slipping up with my eating. But I'm determined to get it back on track. I had a full meal safely last night. And will try to keep going up from here.
My therapist suggested its something I should work on with my casemanager if it continues to be an issue
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire