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emotionaly abused

Hello,I have found myself in a mentally abusive relationship.(2 years on and off) I'm just now reaching out for help.I'm needing support to end this insanity. He will never change. I'm tired of taking his abuse and speaking out about it. He never seems to remember what he has said to me the night before and then will call me in the morning all happy and such but I remember. Everything always seems to be my fault in his eyes. I don't understand this behavior,it's horrible and I can not keep going through this it is affecting my health. I get extremely nervous when I know he's coming over and have to take an anti-anxiety pill. Why do I hang on by a thread? I think to myself and say if I let him go he will hurt. Crazy huh? That's part of his manipulation and he's good at it.


Any suggestions on how to handle this insane relationship would be appreciated

Re: emotionaly abused

@fedup I am so, so sorry to hear that you've had to go through this. Mental and emotional abuse are a lot more common than we admit, and often we tell ourselves that this kind of suffering 'doesn't count' because it isn't physical.


It does count. It is real. I am so glad you're here and taking steps to look after yourself.


I'm wondering whether you are physically safe? Has he ever been physically abusive, or are you scared he might be? I'm also very worried when you say it's affecting your health. If you don't mind me asking, what kind of symptoms are you struggling with?


You mention that the man you're with is very manipulative. That can be so difficult to handle - abuse survivors can sometimes question their whole reality: who loves them, what they're good at, whether they're worth anything, even things as basic as whether they can complete household tasks on their own. Manipulation and control are absolutely the foundation of abuse. I'm wondering, from your description, whether you've been experiencing a lot of gaslighting?


It sounds like what you've been going through has had a huge impact on you over a long period of time. I really want you to give 1800 RESPECT  a call and get some more detailed counselling over the phone. We're always here for you at ReachOut, but sometimes talking to a professional counsellor over the phone can be an awesome extra line of support in times like these.


A lot of our other members have also been through abuse of one kind or another - you're definitely not alone. @j95 has come so far in setting boundaries with abusive people and has so much insight into how we heal from abuse. Have a look around the forums, and head over to our Hang Out board and introduce yourself! You'll find the people here are almost unbelievably supportive, kind and they really, really know their stuff on self-care.


Re: emotionaly abused

Hi @fedup, and welcome to ReachOut. 


I can't begin to imagine how trapped you must be feeling, and everything must be so incredible tense for you right now. It sounds like you have tried to cope by taking anti-anxiety medication- how has that worked for you?


You mentioned your partner is mentally abusive which has me concerned about your safety. Are you feeling unsafe at home? And is there anywhere you can stay if you do feel unsafe? 


As @Kaz-RO, you can get further support by calling 1800 Respect on 1800 737 732.


Re: emotionaly abused

@fedup I can't offer much because @Kaz-RO and @OceanMaster1207 have both given you great advice and some resources, but I was just wanted to check in and see how you're doing?
Please know that none of this is your fault and you do not have to put up with it for one more day. Leaving and setting boundaries against people that have abused me is one of the best things I've ever done. Please call 1800 Respect or 000 if you're feeling unsafe.
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//