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feel like I'm loosing my mind

I'm an emotional wreck I struggle to control the tears and thoughts I've been like this all week

I told my therapist most of how I feel and what's going on but I could hardly control the tears...and I am a person that doesn't really like to cry, I don't mind supporting others when they cry but I myself am so ashamed when I cry.

I almost rang beyondblue the other day when things were at the peak but I am so so scared to make that first step to reach out to somebody especially when almost everytime I have something bad has happened...I petrified that they will take my freedom away as they have before.

I'm trying to remind myself it will pass and it will get easier but it's so hard to see right now....

Anybody have any experience in talking with beyondblue or life Line about suicidal thoughts and feelings?? If so how did they respond?? What did they say?? I know ever persons response would be different but it will give me an idea of the process..

Thanks for your time....sorry
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Re: feel like I'm loosing my mind

First of all, don't be sorry... at all!

I understand what you are going through, I really do, I have called both these services a couple of times. They will mostly just help to work through keeping you safe and if you can't commit to that after creating a bit of a safety plan with them thats when they will step in and have to take action. It is super scary I agree with you, but once you get talking to someone that fear wears off and they are pretty lovely. Don't give up if it doesnt work for you the first time because each worker is different and just might not suit you. I strongly encourage you to give either on them a call because they are so great. They are there to help. If you want to talk through anything with us you can, just keep in mind that if its an emergency situation then the services you mentioned are your best option.
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//
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Re: feel like I'm loosing my mind

Thanks so much for your time and response.....

I am just so scared because last time I spoke about it I got put of forms for 24hrs and it's really hard because I know these people do the job because they care about people but it's so hard to believe they care about me and I don't really understand why someone who doesn't even know me really cares if I am alive or not to me it's just more they follow protocol and protect there backside than really caring so I'm stuck in a really hard spot....

I've always been bad with making phone calls when I need support so all these thoughts and worries don't help at all......I just don't know how much longer I can keep going like this I'm so tied but can hardly sleep and everyday is a huge battle to fight my thoughts and what they want me to do!!

Thanks again so much for your time and response
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Re: feel like I'm loosing my mind

Hey @catlady, firstly good on you for sharing how you are feeling, that can be really tough, but its great that you have done that.

 

Like @j95 said, there is no reason to be sorry, it's completely normal what you are going through, and there is nothing wrong with dealing with it the way you want to. On this, do you have someone that you can talk to, maybe a close friend or a family member? Sometimes all it takes is just being able to vent with someone who cares about you.

 

Don't be afraid to call beyondblue or lifeline, they are a great resource for you, especially in times of need. If you are still uncomfortable contacting beyondblue, try contacting eheadspace, they are available 24/7, and you can chat to them online if you don't want to talk on the phone.

 

Also, don't be ashamed to cry, its completely normal. Have you got a safe plan? If not, have a read of this fact sheet here which can help you get started on trying to control these feelings in the future. Let us know how you go.

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Re: feel like I'm loosing my mind

never be sorry for stating how you feel

i have called the nz equivalent to those help lines once and they were ok. good for someone to talk to but not that much practical help. They don't ask for your identity though so it is a lot easier to open up to them.

I have however attempted suicide. A failed attempt. and nothing changed afterward. Everyone just pretended it didnt happen.

My advice to you is to simply keep going. I'm not going to say it gets better because I'm still struggling, but fairly regularly i find myself in a situation that makes me realise how much i would of missed out on if things had worked out the way i had planed. I'm getting to the point now where i can ask for help.


Just hold on. Things change.

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Re: feel like I'm loosing my mind

Really, really glad you are still with us, @blankcanvas! And glad you feel like you can ask for help when you need it. 

 

blithe

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Re: feel like I'm loosing my mind

Thanks everyone for your response to my post it means a lot to me..

I have on friend in my life but that is it, I already spoke to her once this week and I don't want to dump on her to much as scare her away from me she is the only person I have....plus she has her own family to worrie about like raising her daughter so I can not get in the way of that.

I do have a safe plan, but it's so hard to follow when I'm so distressed like this but I also have people I am ment to reach out to at times like this but last time I did that I got locked away and I do not want to risk that again at all those people don't care they are just doing there job and following procedure so they can cover there bum so if lost total faith in them....that's why I don't want to call a hotline either I'm scared of what will happen to me....

I wish I could chat online but I only have internet access on my phone and it's not good enough to open chat on....

I've had attempts in the past as well its been a few years since my last one, but the thoughts never really left I just lived with them but recently they are louder and stronger again I'm trying to hold on to the hope that it will pass but it's getting harder and harder and.I kind of accept if worst comes to worst I will miss out on so much but I also won't have to live this way anymore



Gosh I am so sorry for taking up your time like this I feel pathetic! Sorry thanks so much for your time
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Re: feel like I'm loosing my mind

Hey @catlady
You are not pathetic and don't apologize about what you are going through. It sounds as though you feel like you are a burden and you are not. The people around you I'm sure love and care about you and want you to seek help.

I think it's great that you are reaching out and it shows that there is a strong part of you that does want to live and get past this. Calling a hotline like Lifeline or Kids Helpline could help you through this. They are able to talk through with you what you are going through. I think it might help because you can be as open as you want without being concerned about dumping your problems on to them.

With Lifeline as long as you are safe or have a safety plan, they won't contact the police. They are very non-judgemental and if you are not happy talking with someone you can call back and speak to someone different.

Give it a try and see if you feel comfortable.

Stay strong and we are here for you as well Smiley Happy
_________________________________________________
**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**
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Re: feel like I'm loosing my mind

Hi @catlady, did you end up giving any of the support services a call? I understand your fear of being hospitalised against your will, as it was obviously been a distressing experience for you in the past. If a health professional has an obligation to report your case, it usually means they believe your life is at risk. It is ok to talk about having thoughts of suicide and ask for help with managing them. If you plan to action those thoughts, it's really important that you do let someone know. The Suicide Call Back Service would be a good place to start. As you might have guessed by their name, they have loads of experience in this arena and they will understand the difference between thoughts and intentions. Do you feel comfortable giving them a buzz?

Re: feel like I'm loosing my mind

Wow thanks everyone for your time and kind words.

I have not made contact with anybody about how I am feeling or my thoughts I am just so scared to trust anyone with them.....

I spoke with my case manager today and it's been 3 weeks since I last seen her and she said it's just seems the life has been sucked out of me....I also offended her by saying people don't really care what I do especially those who do it as a job.....I felt bad but it's so true to me.....I'm tied, I have one friend but I can not keep turning to her it's not fair and I can not loose her she is the only person in my life by choice the rest are workers.

I'm so sad confused hurt and alone just so lost and trying to fight my head I am just so tied