feeling as if no one is there

[scared01]

hi @ferdie22 

 i just wanted to welcome you! well done for reaching out!

[GioDes]

Hey @ferdie22, 

Please know you are not alone in those behaviours I bloody hear you! It can be so hard to undo old habits and learn to value ourselves, but the fact you are here, talking about how you feel is bloody awesome! <3 I just wanted to check-in and see how you're going with it all this week? 

[AmazingPUMP]

Hi @ferdie22 

I'm so glad to meet you online! I assume this topic is most likely to relate to the majority of people. When I first came to Australia for my Master degree, I could barely meet new people. Then I decided to engage in all aspect of activities and events not only on campus but also in wider community. Though regular volunteering, I gradually made a few friend who shared same hobbies with me. Working as sales and assistant in a school absolutely contributed to my social networking. 

I guess you don't have to push yourself too hard to find a lifetime friend or some close friends straightaway. Connection requires such a lot of effort and time. Just jump in more general events. 

Hope my advice works!

Best wishes 

[ferdie22]

Sorry for the really late reply @GioDes ! I never saw the emails for these replies and only saw now the little notifications bell on the website.

Things were going okay, two really close friends of mine visited during the Holiday period as borders were finally opened, and while Christmas was stressful it felt good to be able to see them again. I think I have discovered a good way to keep my mind off things is by hanging out with people and filling my days with that.

On the negative side, I had to quarantine for 2 weeks after being in a place where someone had Covid. I wasn't able to leave the house or see anyone which I think has put me into a bad mental state. It's finally up, luckily, and I get to go back to work tomorrow.

I think that lonliness I talked about earlier in regards to not having a strong friendship group has been getting to me, as I feel like I always try to make time to reach out to them but I never get the same love back. I don't know if this is just me being selfish though.

Along with this, I tried to reach out to an old friend that backfired on me after they told me to never contact them for the reason that I was abusive to them and by messaging them it proves I 'haven't changed'. I think I have a vague idea of what they were talking about, that being I was a pretty jealous friend, having grown up with no one close to me I think I would cling too tightly to those who took an interest which would in turn make them leave (of course). But at the time we were both only young, I don't think I really knew what I was doing.

While this is of course okay for them to feel it leaves me wondering if all my relationships are like this, and if friends secretly feel this way about me. I sort of just wish I could start life again

Sorry for unloading that on everyone here, I think I probably need to go see a psych again soon to talk about this stuff with.

[MaryRO]

Hey @ferdie22,

Sorry to hear that you had to quarantine for 2 weeks and this put you an a bad mental state.  It's great that you are going back to work tomorrow, it sounds like it has a great social aspect for you.  It seems that you find it helpful to spend time with people and being socialite to fill in the time. 

It must be hurtful to have had your friend say that you were being abusive and haven't changed.  It sounds like you have been doing some deep reflection since this interaction.  It's important to recognise that you were young when you had this friendship and sometimes we upset others without meaning to.  We live and we learn.  

I understand that you may be thinking that all your friends are thinking the same thing as your previous friend.  However is it possible that you may be doing things differently in present relationships and may have a different dynamic in your current friendships?  

The forums are here for you to discuss whatever it is you seek support with and there is no need to apologise for being vulnerable.  It is what the community is here for.  

[GioDes]

Hi @ferdie22, please do not apologise! 

Relationships are so hard to navigate at the best of times, and it sounds like you are very self aware and recognise potential patterns in behaviour which is bloody huge! I was wondering if you have any strategies in place at the moment for when difficult thoughts or feelings arise? Or any self care practices that are just for you?