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feeling stuck, hopeless and distressed

I have been feeling really crazy lately, and I've just had a really bad night.. Like, not bad as in real life problems, but bad as in invisible illness problems. I don't really know how to explain it properly because I'm not very good with words and I don't know anything, but it's just been really... Existential crisis-ey despair-y depressed, emotional breakdown-y. That's the best I can do I guess. But I'm going through something and it sucks. A lot.

I feel depressed in that my medication doesn't seem to be working, and I had to leave my house today (which was difficult because I have agoraphobia) to see the doctor to be reffered to a psychiatrist, and I'm now overwhelmed with guilt and shame and embarrassment, just like every time I leave my house or speak. I feel like the only way to stop feeling this awful is to stop being awful and I can't do that so I just have to isolate myself completely. 

And I don't know what to do.. I recognise something is going on, and that I need to change it, but I just don't know how. I feel like I should distract myself, with stuff like games, books and colouring in, but then I just feel like I'm running away from my problems and I'm still horrible except now I don't feel horrible. It's like, do I keep destroying myself trying to figure out how to not be so terrible, or do I distract myself and just keep being terrible but not ashamed of how terrible I am, or,, is distracting myself actually a part of dealing with my problems... But how can I get better if I don't even think about it? 

So that's what's going on in my mind right now, and um, I'm sorry this is so long and annoying, I usually try not to talk to people when I feel like this because I feel even more ashamed and embarrassed about it later..

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Re: feeling stuck, hopeless and distressed

Hey @neko! woo I am guessing you are a cat person? Smiley Very Happy 

 

First of all, thanks for sharing something thats really personal. And no, this is not annoying and long at all. Having fears is a normal thing everyone goes through and i am sure that a lot of people (I myself included) have some fears that we are embarrassed about (I remember there was a time when I was terrified of people finding out my legs has hairs on it). 

 

For the fears you are facing, there are a lot of useful links available on this site and a professional help and advice is the safest, fastest way to reach for a solution. Especially on facing your phobia. Having said that, when it comes to talk to talking to people, the advice I receive from councilors are only general guides to what direction I had to go to change and a lot of times talking to someone without feeling embarrassed is very difficult even for me now and then, so you are not alone on that. However, isolation is certainly not to way to improve the situation. 

 

While games, hobbies are good distractions I really think its not good to immerse yourself in them constantly to distract yourself, cause at the end of the day when the monitor is off or the book is closed, the reality will still be there. They can however be used to calm down when you are stressed. Like a lot of people who returns home, and turn to their hobbies to relieve their stresses for a short while.

 

The fact you are recognizing something needs to be done is a very good thing. Maybe get some perspective from someone who is very close to you. (Like family? parents or siblings). Whether or not they truly understand or not, their suggestions will give you a general idea to improve. Notice that I am hesitant to use the word change, because it is very very hard to change yourself completely, but you can however improve yourself gradually and become a person who you will like when you look at the mirror. Hahah I guessing I am saying this to myself as much as to you. I used to get teased a lot on how i walk, stand sit, talk etc. It made me wanted to pretty much sit in the corner or the room everyday. My dad however pretty much whipped me to improve on all those areas and now i can walk on the street without fearing people comparing me to the hunchback of Notre Dame. 

 

The bottom line is that you can do it! Sometimes a bit of self confidnce is the first step, followed by adepting advices from professionals, your parents and your own judgement, and you will see result very soon. And remember, do not give up! 

Re: feeling stuck, hopeless and distressed

Hey @neko

 

Welcome to ReachOut.com! Glad that you've found us Smiley Happy

 

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling at the moment - it really isn't easy to leave the house and open up to someone. I've had those days too! You're a pretty self-aware person and it's awesome that you have books, games, and colouring in that you can turn to when you're feeling down.

 

Is there anyone that can support you during this time? Whether this is a friend, family member, or a trusted person who could be your trip buddy to and from the GP, or just sitting down with you for a chat at home, it's comforting to have that support with you. We all need help at some point - to say otherwise would be a big fib! There's also the option of creating a safe plan or using webchat like eheadspace  if you would like to chat to someone. Less daunting than a face-to-face conversation or a phone call. 

 

Don't ever feel that your post is annoying - there's no shame or embarrassment with reaching out here. What's important to us is listening to you. Getting better is a lot harder than people think it is. It's all about taking it one step at a time, rather than thinking about all of it at once. We're all ears Smiley Happy

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Stay excellent

Re: feeling stuck, hopeless and distressed

Hey @neko

 

Well done on reaching out for support and advice, I know it can be tough. It sounds like you’ve been having a pretty difficult time lately.

 

I’ve experienced similar feelings of shame and embarrassment about receiving help for mental health problems, but I’ve realised that that’s what the help is there for and there is nothing to be ashamed about. Mental illness is just as important and valid as physical illness – but it can be difficult to tackle because we can’t see it.

 

I think the distractions you talked about can be really beneficial and can really help with looking after your wellbeing. It is important though that you also dedicate your time to dealing with your issues. It can be scary and really hard work, but it is definitely worth it in the end!

 

I think @Myvo made an excellent suggestion of seeing whether there is someone who can support you during this. You don’t have to tell them what’s going on for you if you don’t want, but even if there's a friend you could catch up with for coffee and a chat might help make the situation a little less stressful!

 

Goodluck, and please check in with us if you need