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Re: feeling weird...

Im an idiot 

I will never be normal

I will never be the same me

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: feeling weird...

How are you going @scared01? Seems like there is alot going on in your life at the moment.

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Re: feeling weird...

my nan had cancer. very aggressive cancer. i use to drive my nan and pop to all the appointments and back, even after watching her get treatment. it got to the stage she was getting to sick and decide to switch to radiation treatment. she had end stage COPD, with pretty much only one lung, nearly no vision, hard of hearing, bronchitis and asthma as well as the cancer. it sucks. i wouldnt wish anyone to go through that nor families to have to watch their loved one try to give it their all to know in the end it wasnt working and only had limited time to live. it was hard for me to walk around knowing that within the next few weeks after my nan had given up treatments that she wasnt going to be here anymore. she could even lie down, she had to be seated upright, even alseep becasue she couldnt breathe otherwise, home oxygen 24/7. theres 10 levels of air flow through the machines and she was on 8, she needed to go higher but couldnt not for only the weak lung she had left.

its not nice at all and it haunts me every single day that happened to her. and there wasnt a thing anyone couldve done to help her.

 

so no im not ok. not at all but i have to be. 

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: feeling weird...

@scared01 that sounds really heavy and totally understandable how it affected you. I just wanted to tell you that you have really great insight and it's admirable that you keep showing up for yourself. Keep it up.

Re: feeling weird...

 

i feel like ive been shoved into a corner yet again and it feels to dangerous to do or say anything atm. but these new tablets are not helping me they are actually giving me nightmares so im not rested- never have been- but this is making it worse. ive been having alot of flashbacks, and grieving issues.ive also been given the news that my new horse may not ever be sound enough to ride its so hard to hear considering ive already made that bond with her. ive gotta get a body worker out and a vet and i hope the news doesnt go south from there. if it does ill have to make th choice to either let her be avery expensive paddock ornament and forking out alot of money to keep her well- more than a new sound horse would cost me to buy and keep or to give her back ive also been very greatly triggered today. ive been emeotionally supporting a friend of mine whose mum has cancer, ive been through what shes going through and im trying to help her the best she can. im just not sure how i cna help. i have the life experience there but i dont know how to take those experineces and give some good advice. i feel like a total idiot. ive managed to get my second job back now.so mondays going to wear me down quickly.monday morning i have 2 hoours paddock cleaning with one lady, then another hour with another person, then another 2 hours with another person so thats 5 hours paddock cleaning, then ive gotta scoot over to another job whihc is the holiday care which will take me another hour and i have to do my own horse as well. i dont mind atm, i think i need it. im panicking that im going backwards.no im panicking becasue i am going backwards. already!

 

 

 

ive got 5 months left on the lease, ive got until then to work out the horse problem. i just hope itll be good news not bad. i hate when things like that happen and you know what, i havent had a good horse for years and years. ive always had the strays that needed fixing but i couldnt keep them or they try to destroy me like the last horse i owned who decide a neck injury would be a great deal to life and hey why your at it aim for me while going crazy so not many people can get near me.honestly i dont know why im still here, alive or still with horses.

 

 

Its all adding up @Mona-RO and i don'tknow how to deal with it all anymore. 

I thought id progressed since being in hospital but  i guess not. Im going backwards again! Already!

 

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: feeling weird...

@scared01Sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the moment, understandably so.

SOunds like you may need some professional advice about the medication..? Maybe speak to your prescriber?

I think it would be really good to give yourself some love and self-care tonight if possible. Between now and when things kick off for you on Monday, you deserve some YOU time.

 

Or if you wanna chat, you might wanna try KidsHelpline, to off load a bit? 

Re: feeling weird...

hi @TOM-RO

the meds will be sorted out on thursday. i cant do much until then, they are life threatening side effects so i wont stop them unless i really need to.

 

i dont ahve much choice about the rest at the moment. im having a bad bout of vertigo atm so its either sit down or fall down.

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: feeling weird...

You are an absolute champion @scared01 and I'm sending you lots of support Heart

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: feeling weird...

hi guys

ive got that weird feeling again.... Smiley Frustrated

 

am i boring? or am i bored? i jsut dont know

its hard to distiguish this sort of feeling

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: feeling weird...

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**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**