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co

forgot what happiness is

i just learnt how to make a form and i have many questions about myself, i will list them

 

1-i am very bad at making friends, no matter what i do or how much i try to help them they always complain and call me many insults, i'm used to unslts now because i have had them ever since i was 5 all the time so i don't care about them, i just don't want to become like the person who gave birth to me, she has no life.

 

2-to many though's, i start to live with some one else for about 6 mouths now, but before i lived with her i was never aloud to have my own opion and feelings. but since i started living here i am aloud to have feelings but i don't have any feelings any more because i had shut them off to much and my thoughs are going crazy, really crazy and it makes me feel crazy 

 

3-gender and sexuality, i have always though of myself as a prince that would protect the princess when i was young but being trans* was never a thing i knew in till' now so i though i was beeing silly (because when i was younger i was toiled that girls are friends and boys are boyfriends and that if you wanted to be friends with a boy you had a crush) so being lesbian was a thing i never knew about in till' i was 8 and i was toiled sex ed stuff from my older sister and she toiled me that boys can love boys and girls can love girls but i still doubted my liking for girls in till' i was 13 and i had my frist crush but when i toiled this girl it pissed her off, i was to messed up to hang around (even though she would always start fights with me and almost killed me 2 times) and whats worse is that i think i might be male but i grew up as a girl and i don't want to change and up set people because i'm still not sure, i might be both but i hear that you can't be both and that i am dumb for thinking that 

 

4- i can't think well, i am slow at school stuff and some times talking (when i was 2 i got this needle and it made my thinking and talking odd) and i am still talking odd and not a smart thinker, and i get looked drown on for this at school, not only that but whe have to be thinking about jobs and my mind is crazy with thoughts 

 

5-i also am an empathy and i have bad anxity and lots of problems i can't think of saying 

Re: forgot what happiness is

Hey @co, welcome to RO.

 

Sorry to hear that so much stuff is going on at the moment. 

 

For point 1, it sucks that your friends have been insulting you, and you don't deserve that. Are there any other people you could maybe start hanging out with, either at school or in any outside-school clubs or whatever?

 

For point 2, it can certainly be scary when you start experiencing different thoughts/feelings to what you're used to. Do you have anyone - maybe not a friend, but more like a parent/guardian or school counsellor - that you can talk to, just to air out some of these thoughts so they're not just stuck in your head? Even journalling can help, just to get them out of your head and maybe stop thinking them for awhile.

 

For point 3, it's cool to hear that you're thinking about your gender and sexuality, but it can be a tough topic to explore on your own. Have you heard much about the ideas that instead of just boy or girl / hetero or homosexual (binary which means 2 options), gender could be more of a spectrum where there are infinite combinations where a person could be? I'm not doing the explanation justice, but there's a giant thread here where it was discussed. Maybe take a read and let us know if you have any further questions on it... It's not something that you need to figure out all at once, and it's a personal thing so no one else gets to define who you are other than yourself.

 

For point 4, it can be helpful to think of what sort of strengths you have, rather than just focusing on things that you don't think you're good at. There's a couple of great fact sheet on strengths on this website: this one just describes what strengths are, but this one gives good tips on how to determine what your indvidual strengths are.

 

And point 5, I'm glad you've reached out here to start talking about some of this stuff. You definitely don't have to go through it all alone, and it's really brave of you to start the conversation here. The RO website has a bunch of fact sheets on heaps of topics so you might find something if you just browse around, but it's also important to talk to someone if you're struggling with things. Have you tried approaching anyone to talk about this stuff in the past?

____________________#iftoastershadfeelings____________________
co

Re: forgot what happiness is

i already know that stuff about gender, i just don't know me, also no i can't talk to any one at school all the kids are selfish and all teachers care about is money. you see it's not just my though theres other person in my head (and no it's not an inder vocie because my iner vocie does not sound like her, and her is a voice that is always looking at the bad side) and when ever i get an axinty attack she will "see this world only wants to hurt you just like your "mouther"" and stuff like that.

 

and thingsa i'm good at?! i grew up being toiled that EVERY THING i did was worng i will try to storng sites and see how it goes

Re: forgot what happiness is

Welcome to Reach Out @co.

 

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. I know that can be a really hard thing to do, but you showed a lot of courage!

 

You sound like you have a lot going on right now, which can get quite overwhelming. Have you thought about speaking to a professional like a counsellor about how you've been feeling? You can ask your local GP to arrange a referral for you. There are also some great services you could call or chat online with who have fully qualified counsellors there to help. If you'd like to talk to contact one of these services, here's some links:

 

- eheadspace

- Kids Helpline

- Lifeline

 

@Bay52VU shared a lot of really helpful information and insights relating to the different topics you were talking about. I completely agree that you shouldn't be getting treated badly by your friends. If they're making you feel bad about yourself, you might find another group who treat you better and who you enjoy being around.

 

If you have an questions about any of the links that've myself or @Bay52VU posted, let us know. And just remember that we're always here to offer our support whenever you need.

 

co

Re: forgot what happiness is

i'm going to head space but my younth doctor says that i might need more help (it will cost money though) and i find it odd how every one that replyed to this said "your going though a lot" i have gone though more in the past so this isn't much to me Cat Indifferent   thanks though i guess 

Spoiler
 

Re: forgot what happiness is

Hi @co, it's a real positive that you are in touch with your doctor and headspace, and also that you've shared your story here. There are often people reading RO who are going through similar circumstances but don't yet have the strength to speak up or reach out to support services. So thanks again for sharing.

 

When you say 'this isn't much' to you, do you feel like you are coping with the things you mentioned or is this something you would like help managing? Have you worked on any coping skills with your doctor? It is important with anxiety to look after your health in general – sleeping and eating well, and making sure you have a balance of work and play in your life. Are there any relaxation techniques that work for you?

co

Re: forgot what happiness is

my doctor says head space isn't good enoth and that i need to go to a place that is on level higher and my doctor gave me anti drepressions (don't really like them, they make me feel kinda sick but my nan said the side effects) i feel really sleepy and dizzy and my back hurts, but as long as this isn't happening at school i should be fne i guess 

Re: forgot what happiness is

Hi @co, thanks for keeping us updated with how you're doing. We all really care about you and want to be here to offer our support.

 

Like @Kit said, it's great to see that you're in touch with your doctor about how you feel and I'm really proud of you for actively seeking help. It's important to keep following your doctor's advice, as they're a professional and are highly trained. Hopefully they can refer you to a counsellor soon, if they feel you need additional support from Headspace.

 

Please keep letting us know how you're going. Smiley Happy