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home isn't always a safe place..

It's sad but true. For a lot of people, home isn't safe at all.. Its actually pretty scary when you think about it..

Anyway, long story short, I have a reallllyyy abusive sister. Well, I know that to some people what I'm going through isn't as bad as what someone else might be going through. It's not easy, its definitely NOT FUN and I guess the mental pain and scars will never go away Smiley Sad Along with that, I have lots of other issues, but I'm only focusing on this at the moment.


Unlike most people my age (I'm 15), I never have friends over. I'm just too scared to. My sister always embarrases me, lies about me and starts fights with me everytime somebody comes over. She even fights with me when she has her boyfriend over. I've been putting up with her shit since I was 10 and it just gets worse and worse. She's told me to kill myself 3 times and told me i should self-harm (not her exact words) multiple times.. Yea, what a great sister I have Smiley Sad I barely even get to go out because everytime we go out as a 'family', se always fights with me. and its always over the stupidist of things.


I spend most of my time in my room (it pretty much feels like the only 'safe' place in the entire house, even though its not really that safe at all) listening to music, talking to friends, watching movies or on this. And because I spend so much time in my room, my mum decided if I don't change my 'attitte' in 4 days, she'll take my phone, ipod, laptop and dvd player off me. And to be completely honest, I don't think that kind of thing can happen in 4 days. Hell, most of the time I'm scared to leave my room because of my sister. And of course, my sister gets to keep everything.. All because of her, I don't even have a doorknob because she broke it and my dad refused to fix it because apparently I keep slamming my door. Well, I admit that I do, but most of the time its my sister slamming the door and blaming it on me. Once again, my sister is just sooooooooooo nice Smiley Sad


So if i don't want my stuff to get taken away, she expects me to stay out of my room pretty much all day and night, but put it this way. You would have more fun in a maths lesson then at my house. There is virtually nothing to do here. Unless you want to stare at a wall for hours on end or read (i know it doesn't sound so bad but I don't really like reading as much as I used to anymore). And of course, if I don't somehow change in 4 days, I'll be spending the rest of my days bored out of my mind while my sister gets to keep everything and knowing her, she'll shove that right into my face.


So yeah, I'd really appreciate any help, and I'm pretty sure my friends would too considering the ones I talk to the most know pretty much everything about what im going through.


Re: home isn't always a safe place..

Hi gotchi


Gosh that sounds like a really tough situation. Sibling rivalry is the worst.


Unfortunately, I don't have an explanation for why your sister does what she does. With the big ultimatum from your parents, though, perhaps you can talk to them about negotiating some terms.


Have you told them how you feel about how your sister is treating you? I know I asked this last time you talked about this but you didn't respond. You might say "Yeah but they won't believe me" and that may or may not be true — but it's important they know that you've expressed this concern.


That aside, from a strictly practical perspective, you may need to negotiate a bit with your folks. What specifically do they mean when they mean a change of 'attitude'? If they haven't been clear about this, ask them for the specific things about your behaviour that need to change. If you talk to them about it in a mature, assertive manner, they will notice that and treat you with maturity in return. Follow that link, it has some good tips for how you can approach them when the subject is difficult.


If you're slamming doors and they don't like it, look at ways to prevent doing this. We have a good article here on building better coping skills that is really worth reading.


I understand that there's more going on here than just your sister bullying you, which is bound to make things more difficult, but if you can take some of the pressure off it might give you the space you need to better address those issues. It might be worth talking to your parents about everything, and how you need help to work through everything else that's going on.


What do you think? Let us know how you go.