i feel hopeless.
if you're reading this i'd just like to thank you for taking some time to bother (:
anyways, im not sure how to start this off...
i feel really hopeless. every day doesn't feel real. it just feels hazy. i've recently got into a selective school and i feel so useless there. i dont think im doing good in any of my classes, and i don't feel "good" at anything. i get so worried over small things. im mainly failing my classes because of my inability to present orally. im terrible at public speaking, and i start shaking and i don't know what to say. my friends always tease and mock me about it. i know, "if they tease you about things you feel insecure about, they're not your friends," but they're all i really have.
my friends also always tease each other and stuff as jokes, but sometimes before i go to sleep, i remember what they say, and it kind of just sinks into my brain and it kind of feels as if they were meaning it, and i spend ages overthinking about it, and i just get freaked out a lot.
im always getting in trouble at school and always for little things. i don't mean to get myself in trouble, but when i do, i always have this sinking feeling that everyone thinks im trying to do it for attention.
sometimes when im nervous, i start to speak louder and act more outgoing, or laugh a lot, and it comes across as show-offy, and i just feel so hopeless. when im at parties i have to go with a friend, or else i'll freak out, but when i do, i always follow them around and i feel really clingy.
i know a lot of people have it worse than me, but im just so worried every day. it's gotten to the point that im scared to go to school and always fake sick or stay at home.
thank you so much again for taking time to read this.
Re: i feel hopeless.
Hi @br0kenb0ne, welcome to RO
I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It really can be a struggle everyday to wake up feeling hopeless and insecure in yourself, and even though there might be other people out there with different circumstances, it doesn't make your feelings and struggles any less important or difficult.
It's already really great that you've spoken about this on our forums! It is tough to be so open about your feelings, especially when they are this tough to cope with as well. Have you spoken to anyone you trust in your life about what you're going through? It is probably hard enough feeling hopeless all the time, but on top of the stress you are probably feeling about your academic performance at a selective school, going through this alone might not be the best option for your well-being.
If you're not sure of anyone you know IRL, you could try out a service like eheadspace, where you can talk to someone online about what you've been going through. We also have resources on feeling overwhelmed or stressed if you'd like to check them out.
Hope this helps
Re: i feel hopeless.
Thank YOU for posting -sometimes it’s not easy to admit we’re struggling. First of congratulations on getting into the school - that is an achievement in itself. Equally, it doesn’t help what you have been feeling recently. You say that other people “have it worse than you”, but feelings of inadequacy, anxiety over public speaking, and school in general to the extent that you fake sick - that’s significant.
School can be stressful for a lot of people, let alone those in selective schools. I am wondering if your school has a guidance counsellor or a teacher you trust and could talk to about your concern? At the end of the day your teachers want you to do the best you can, and if the best you can do is impacted by anxiety, they want to help. But in order for that to happen they have to know.
I am also wondering what you do to self care? Sometimes it can be helpful when you are feeling anxious to take some deep breaths - there is an app you can get on your phone called Breathe (made by ReachOut) which helps coordinate your breathing to reduce anxiety.
How are you doing this evening/ today.
Look forward to hearing from you!
Re: i feel hopeless.
I am so sorry to hear that you feel this way, and glad that you have decided to reach out - that's the first step.
Have you tried talking to your friends about your insecurities, just so that they can stop teasing you? Its a good test to see if they really are your friends - hopefully they will be supportive and will help you get through this tough time.
I know its hard when you're by yourself and your thoughts are all you have with you. Try to remember that they are just thoughts and that you are so much more than what you think you are! You are special in your own way and that makes you important, so don't feel disheartened by what your friends joke about.
Its absolutely okay to feel down and out, you're only human! Don't be so hard on yourself, and try to do things that make you happy, and I assure you, you will notice a difference.
Re: i feel hopeless.
It is not a bother at all, "people help the people".
Often selective schools can make you feel that way, i am in a selective program as well and when you feel like you are competing with those who are talented and successful, it makes you feel inferior that there is no way for you to compare. But remember, YOU got into a selective school, you are better than many people who had tried to get your place and failed. You MUST be talented and bright enough to have received a place to begin with so be proud of that. Set goals for yourself and celebrate your achievements. You do not have to compare yourself to others as what constitutes as a success for them might not be realistic for you. You only have to win against yourself. "Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
So many great people failed at first and was thought to never amount to anything, but look at them now: Einstein, Charles Darwin, Bill Gates, Disney, Michael Jordan etc.
If you do not feel as if you are doing as well as you had hoped, there is a few things you can do. Look on @Beesting's Exam Stress post, i have recently posted some detailed advice about overcoming school stress that might be helpful to you. http://forums.au.reachout.com/t5/Everyday-life-stuff/Exam-Stress/m-p/203072#U203072
As for your fear of public speaking, it is a very common fear so do not be ashamed of it. You can try practicing in front of the mirror until it becomes second nature to you. Record yourself and strive to improve each time. After that, test it out on your family members and finally, book an appointment with your teacher, one-on-one, and try it in front of them and see if they have any suggestions for you to improve on. If it is possible, ask them if you can just do the oral presentation in front of them and not the class. If all else fails, during the presentation, fixate your attention on various spots around the room just above people's heads so it looks like you are maintaining proper eye contact and not just looking in one direction. Use palm cards with dot points so you do not get stuck trying to read off it and getting lost. Use a PowerPoint so you have an excuse to gesture to it and explain the diagrams which is both engaging and means you do not have to look at the audience as often. Use hand gestures, show a short video clip and use a confident clear voice. If you know everything off by heart, and prepared extremely well, then there is not really anything left to fear.
Sometimes friends can accidentally say things that hurt us. You should be honest with them about your feelings on the matter and tell them that perhaps instead of teasing you about it, they can help you overcome that fear. If they are your real friends, they will care about you and want to help you in any way they can.
Most people tend to think that those who get into trouble often do it for attention, but that is not always the case. Try sitting in the front row, be prepared and engage in class (ask good questions and ask for help when necessary). Develop a better relationship with your teachers, if you do, then there would be no way for them to misunderstand you any longer. Take notes and stay clear from distractions, not only will it foster a more positive opinion in your peers and teachers, but it also means you will do better at exam time.
Tell your close friends or people you trust that you often feel nervous at parties. It is perfectly normal to feel that way in a foreign environment. People often act differently to overcompensate for being uncomfortable or out of place. It is not clingy if you want to stay with someone you know, and if they do not want you around, then instead of feeling isolated, perhaps you would be better off staying at home and doing something you like to do. Do whatever that feels right to you.
I know that if it was not hard you would not need to avoid it. But pretending you are sick to not go to school does not solve the problem, it will only hurt you in the long run. Try talking to your parents, teachers, councellors or anyone you feel comfortable with to confront the issue. It might be scary, but once you decide to take a step forward in resolving the issue, you will find that you did not have much to lose to begin with. Tell me how you go, i would love to hear it. Also, i will further support you if you have any other concerns.
You are very polite with excellent manners. Tell you what, it does not matter what others think of you, only what you think of yourself. Just because they say something about you, does not mean that it is true. So build up some confidence in yourself and i think you will do great. Talk to us on ReachOut anytime you need support. We are always happy to help.
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