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i feel stupid

I relapsed badly with self harm this afternoon.
I don't really know what triggered it. Ive had a good few days, then it felt like it all came crashing down. And when the voices got to a point I couldn't take it anymore.
I feel so stupid for giving in. I've been doing so well at fighting the urges, nearly beat my record.
Now I'm tempted to completely give up and go back to when I was doing it all the time.
I don't know what to do. I'm scared.

(i hope this doesn't cross guidelines)
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Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
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Re: i feel stupid

hey @redhead 

 

I'm so proud of you for posting tonight. I know you're probably feeling very down on yourself but it's so amazing that you had the courage to post about what happened for you today rather than disconnect altogether.

 

Relapse doesn't have to be the end of anything. It's ok to see it as a momentary slip back to old behaviours that you can come back from. Although you feel very low right now, it's really important to remember that continuing to self harm is not going to help you feel any better. It might seem easier right now but try and remember back to why you decided you needed to find other ways to relieve the anxiety. Because you knew you deserved more. That you were worth more than that.

 

What works for you when you're feeling low? Have you spoken to someone tonight?

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Re: i feel stupid

It's okay @redhead we are here for you. Sometimes it can just get too overwhelming but you are strong and you can do this.
You'll regret it if you give up, you can do this. Getting close to your record is an amazing achievement. Don't forget resources like Lifeline, Kidshelp and Headspace who can help you out too.


Don't worry, you'll be okay. We're all here for you.
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Re: i feel stupid

@redhead 
What is done is done. Dont give yourself too much stress over it. Lets keep trying and stand up again. We wont give up. 
And we here, will never give up on you.

 

Hope you feel better soon.

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Re: i feel stupid

Thanks guys.

@NigioC I didn't speak to anyone, the mental health team was to busy to see me. And my strategies for coping when I'm low didn't work. Hence the self harm.


I really want to self harm again, but I'll call khl when my counselor comes on in a few hours.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire
Highlighted

Re: i feel stupid

@redhead
Hey like everyone has said its really courageous of you to post about what happened! and also to realise that you need some support. I hope KHL can provide that for you. Im sorry to hear your usual strategies didn't work for you yesterday - maybe you could discuss that with KHL. is there anyway else you might think of going or contacting?

You should be proud of yourself and remember a "relapse" is a normal part of recovery and that it is what you do now that counts towards getting better
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Re: i feel stupid

I went for a long walk and spoke to khl. The urges have subsided again.
And I'm going to be seeing my mental health casemanager this arvo.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire
Highlighted

There is no such word as stupid!

@redhead  I want you to try something for me, only if you are willing?

Take away the words, no, cant, stupid, ugly, sad etc.... etc.... replace them with words such as yes, i can, i will, i want, smart, happy, bright etc etc... You get my drift here yeah?? Good!

 

Take a few sticky notes and write on them the things in life you want...

Write things on them like "I am beautiful" "I am a good person" "I am happy" "I am successful" "I am healthy" and place them on a mirror- one that you would look into each day. When looking in the mirror repeat the things you have written down...

I by all means have no idea what so ever what its like to self harm, but i know the pain of sadness, being alone, depressed..

I have hit rock bottom and this quirky little exercise really helped me get up each morning.

I found the things in life i loved & what i was grateful for and just took one step at a time. I am now happier than ever and willing to be a shine of hope for you & anyone else...

 

You have so much to give in this world, make it beautiful.

Sending you so much support

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Re: i feel stupid

Hey @redhead
You had a good few days and you nearly beat your record, that is great and you can do it again and keep fighting to continue to beat your record. We all trip and fall but getting back up and walking again takes strength and you are strong Smiley Happy

Keep at it and dont give up because we are not giving up on u Smiley Happy
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**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**
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Re: i feel stupid

Hey sounds like you did everything right - it's great to hear you went for a walk and called KHL. And I hope your meeting with your case manager goes well today... thinking of you!

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