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im so tired and i dont know what to do??

i haven't done anything like this before so please bear with me aha
so. at the moment i have a ton of issues that're causing me grief and i don't really know what else to do than to reach out to people i've never met before? i'm really sorry for bothering you guys with this but i don't know what else to do.
i have really bad social anxiety + general anxiety, so despite knowing that my friends?? i guess care idk, i honestly feel like they don't. i constantly need validation that i am acknowledged and appreciated to let me feel as such, but i always feel like such a burden on my friends. but even without my anxiety clouding my judgement, i feel like they never really act like they care?? one recent incident that happened was that a friend reposted one of those chainmail posts to our group chat, and the post was something related to "i didnt retweet this and this was the exact same spider that appeared on my bed" + images.. now i have some really bad ptsd relating to spiders because of some stuff that happened when i was younger, so naturally i went into a panic attack and, having no other option and wanting to do anything to make sure that the chainpost, real or not, didn't happen, i sent a bunch of badly spelt messages being like "what can i do, will reposting it to this same chat work" and the most i got in response was an unrelated meme. i feel awful for like?? expecting a response but i cant function i cant sit in my room without getting freaked out as a result of this chainpost and i need to sleep in less than an hour and i wont be able to because i'm paranoid as hell. and i don't know what to do because i hate feeling like this but i dont want to yell at my friends because they aren't responding to my every need??i dont know what to DO
i'm currently one week into a two week winter break, which has done wonders for my mental health, and i'm terrified of going back after the second week ends because i know i'm gonna go downhill and my mental health is going to get worse and i'm going to get stressed and struggle talking to people and be forced to do work that i don't feel comfortable doing?? i feel constantly paranoid at school and just. being there is enough to trigger an anxiety attack and we have one particular class that aims to "push us out of our comfort zone" and last time i was at that class i had a panic attack after being paired with a kid that i don't know too well and i feel so awful that i couldnt explain to this kid that it was my fault and he probably thought it was his fault?? plus they always get on us for attendance and i miss a lot of days of school due to anxiety and paranoia and i feel like i cant FUNCTION as a human being and i wish i was dead but i dont at the same time?? i have hobbies and things i enjoy and people i want to stay around so i dont want to kill myself, but i dont see any other way to get rid of the constant worries and exhaustion??
i feel exhausted 24/7, there is literally never a time where i dont feel tired, and i cant focus in class or remember any information and im failing so many classes because i cant REMEMBER. and whenever i bring this up to someone, they either tell me im "not trying" or offer alternatives that dont work and im too anxious to tell them otherwise
i'm just so sick of everything and it takes so much energy just to breathe

i dont know if this is the right place to post this or not but i really dont know what else to do

sorry for the lack of grammar here, i just.. dont have the energy

Re: im so tired and i dont know what to do??

Hey @Jays_Wing, and thanks for sharing some of what's going on for you. I get the sense you've got a lot going on right now, and I hope we can help you out.

 

I'm wondering if you've ever seen a counsellor/mental health professional about your anxiety? If not, do you think that's something you'd consider?

 

What kinds of things help you calm down if you're feeling anxious? Perhaps you could make a list of those things and try to do them when you're not feeling great? Smiley Happy

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: im so tired and i dont know what to do??

Hello @Jays_Wing

 

Thanks for Reaching Out. It sounds like things are a bit overwhelming for you right now, and that you have got a lot going on. I went through a similar situation, where everything just hit me at once. And the best thing I did was seek professional help. It was a little daunting at first, but once I did it I knew it was the right thing for me. Do you see anybody about your anxiety?

 

I like @letitgo suggestion of making a list of things that help you calm down. Could you listen to some music that you love, watch a funny tv show, or even just take a shower and feel the hot water on your skin?

 

Would love to hear back from you, everyone here is really happy to offer you support and advice.

Re: im so tired and i dont know what to do??

Hi @letitgo, thank you for your response.

I have seen a therapist in the past (for unrelated issues), and I would like to visit one but I'm not sure I would be able to. I live in a very rural area with a single parent who works most of the day, so regular appointments could be difficult to get to. I have also attempted to set up appointments with a counselor at my school, however due to being absent so often I've missed everything save for the first two appointments, and he hasn't contacted me again, and I haven't gone back so that I don't waste any more of his time.

 

As for things that would calm me down, I honestly don't know. I'm anxious 24/7, I don't know if that's a normal/common symptom of anxiety or paranoia because I honestly don't know much about them at all, all I really know is that I've been diagnosed with them. I suppose talking to friends helps calm me a bit, but I don't expect them to be around for me 24/7, especially since the majority of friends I trust are online friends who live in different timezones to me.

 

Hi @Karinaskii, I'd like to also thank you for your response.

I believe I answered your questions in my response to letitgo, though if I left anything out please let me know!! Smiley Happy

Re: im so tired and i dont know what to do??

Hey @Jays_Wing living in a rural area can be challenging for things like getting readily available mental health support. You can try online or over the phone services for now:

 

Lifeline (13 11 14) https://www.lifeline.org.au/get-help/topics/rural-mental-health

Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800) https://kidshelpline.com.au/

beyondblue (1300 22 4636) https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support

Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/

 

 

It's okay that you missed your school counselor appointments a couple of times. It will not be a waste of his time if you went to see him again. I'm sure he'll understand the reasons for why you weren't able to make it to the last few appointments.

 

Are you currently taking any medication for anxiety? If not, do you think you'll see your GP soon? It's really hard managing day-to-day life with anxiety. Maybe your GP can refer you to someone as well.

 

Re: im so tired and i dont know what to do??

Hi @Mona-RO, thank you for responding

 

The problem is, I haven't just missed a couple of appointments, I've missed his appointments for months on end, and there is little chance I will be able to regularly talk to him due to being so absent.

 

I am currently taking medication for my anxiety, I believe I have been taking it for about a month, maybe a little less, and so far I haven't noticed much change. I am able to visit my GP, however I'd prefer not to, and would rather visit a healthcare centre in town because I have inquired about possible medication for anxiety multiple times in the past with him, and he told me that there was nothing he could prescribe. Which was clearly a lie, as it was no issue prescribing my current medication, it only took a 10 minute appointment, if that, with a doctor in town.

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Re: im so tired and i dont know what to do??

Hi @Jays_Wing,

 

I think you're very brave for sharing all this. It takes courage to reach out and ask for help and I think you are making the right steps. Smiley Happy 

 

In relation to you not being able to make your appointments with your school counselor, have you ever considered perhaps writing a letter to your teacher or emailing them? This could be a great way for you to express how you feel and explain why you haven't been able to make appointments. How would you feel about giving that a try?

Re: im so tired and i dont know what to do??

Sorry to hear that your GP was so unhelpful @Jays_Wing.

Glad you're on some medication now though.

 

Do you think you could try seeing the school counsellor, even if you might not be able to make it to regular appointments? Of course, regular sessions would be ideal, but in situations like this, irregular appointments might be better than none. What do you think?   

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: im so tired and i dont know what to do??

Hi @mspaceK!!

 

Thank you :">

 

I've spoken to a teacher at my school's wellbeing office, and they've sent me a mental healthcare plan to take to my GP (or any other doctor haha), though my mother isn't particularly enthusiastic c,: I do plan to email or talk face-to-face with the counselor I was seeing, just dunno when I'll have the chance :"0

 

Hey @letitgo!!

A teacher at my wellbeing office has sent me a mental healthcare plan to take to my GP to fill out + get referred to a psychologist at my school, the only barrier now should be just getting my mother to take me back to our GP lol, since I can't get there on my own.

 

Thanks to both of you for responding!! :">