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it's all too much

For years now myself and my sisters relationship with our mother has been rocky. In 2002 my brother took his life and since then she has not dealt with many issues in her life. Just over a year ago, my parents decided to separate. I kept in contact with my dad but my sisters did not want a relationship with him. Just a few days ago they had decided to go and see him. My mum is not happy about it. She has been ignoring my two sisters and making absurd statements that we will abandon her for dad and saying she will end her life. It has gotten so bad that she has not spoken to my sisters and my younger sister is staying elsewhere. I am at wits ends about what to do. I know that mum needs to see a counsellor and have all her issues dealt with but i also know that if i tell her this she won't admit to having a problem and think that im going against her. I can't have this go on, it's affecting my mental state and im stressed about it all.

Re: it's all too much

I am really sorry to hear about the passing of your brother @pegasus123 it sounds like this has continued to impact on your family and yourself since. It seems like you really care about your family, it can definitely be very trying when there is conflict within our families. 

 

I know that you mentioned that you are feeling like you are at your wits end at the moment, and it does appear that there is alot going on for you at this time. I think it is important that I note that if you feel that your mother is in danger at any point you can always call 000 for assistance. Whilst it is fantastic that you care about your mother and are interested in suggesting some counselling for her, this can be quite difficult. 

 

Until your mother is ready to attend counselling for herself, have you considered speaking to someone such as headspace or kids helpline? It can be helpful to have support for yourself during stressful times, and to know that there are many people out there who are willing and happy to support you. 

 

Additionally, I have found some articles that may be of interest to you Beyond Blue has some links to some people who know how to help particularly in dealing with grief. This time of year coming up to Christmas can also be quite an emotional time for many people, this article touches on this in some detail. 

 

Also know that we are here to talk to if you need to Smiley Happy 

 

 

Re: it's all too much

I've been to headspace in regards to my own mental health and i feel i am always going to seek help with issues to do with mum. I just want to all to end and i feel that the only way this is possible is for her to receive help. I feel trapped because i am the only one she is talking to, yet i know how it feels for both my sisters because she was acting the same towards me after the separation. I would love to speak up but i know it would make the situation worst. I believe she won't do anything to harm herself and this is a way of her releasing her anger but it's not fair from myself and my sisters to cop the full anger and to feel they have no control of what they can do with their lives. We are all adults yet we feel mum still wants control of our lives and for us to have no contact with our dad based on her personal feelings. It feels like an emotional rollercoaster dealing with her emotions and having her lash out at as. It's all very overwhelming and the atmosphere at home makes it feel unwelcoming. 

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Re: it's all too much

Hey @pegasus123, I'm really glad to hear that you've had experience with Headspace. Your own experiences with seeking professional services might be useful in encouraging your mum to seek similar support. If you're still seeing a counsellor you could also ask them for advice on how to approach your mum about getting help. It seems pretty clear that she could benefit from it, but it's difficult to help someone who doesn't want (or think they need) any help.

Re: it's all too much

hey @pegasus123, i too am very sorry about the passing of your brother. reading what you have written, i think that @ElleBelle's suggestion to ask the cousellors you are seeing at headspace for some advice on how to approach your nmother is an excellent idea.

from that, i am wondering if its worth speaking to your siblings to see if they too want to help you in having this conversation with your mother. it sounds like she could benefit from being told in a caring way that she may need someone to talk to.

 

what do you think about these suggestions? i hope that they are applicable to your situation. keep us posted, we would love to know how things go. good luck

we are what we repeatedly do - aristotle

Re: it's all too much

On friday night my sisters and i decided to call emergencies services after mum was making threats and was in a horrible state. She was admitted into the local mental health unit where she was assessed and advised it would be best if she undertook intensive therapy. It was concerning for all of us. She is now home and seems to be doing well. My younger sister had moved over to my older sisters place but after mum had gone over and apologised, she has moved back home. My sisters still have concerns that mum may not undertake the therapy that was suggested to her but we all aim to take all the necessary actions in getting her to attend therapy. It was also suggested that we all engage in family therapy, which we are happy to engage in. Thank you all for the support Smiley Happy 

Re: it's all too much

@pegasus123 whilst that potentially was quite a stressful situation for you to be on on Friday night, I commend you on the fact that you did the right thing and contacted emergency services. It sounds like this has pushed your mum to take some action in relation to her mental health, and it is great to hear that she has apologised to your sister and your sister has moved back home. 

 

We are always here if you need us and are happy to help Smiley Happy

Re: it's all too much

Wow, good on you @pegasus123, handling these sorts of events are major and you did the perfect thing in response. Well done.

How are you after all of it? That can be stressful!

What excellent news about your sister moving back in!! That's a nice support for you too now I bet.

What are we thinking about family counselling, are you guys going to organise something? That would be awesome. I am really happy to hear that things are looking up for now in terms of working together for that necessary support.

Keep us updated on the therapy if you could, id love to know how you guys are doing.
we are what we repeatedly do - aristotle

Re: it's all too much

I am currently studying social work so i have been educated on the importance to remain calm in these sorts of situations. i was a tad bit frustrated and upset as well as sad and stressed over the weekend. i have an amazing support system around me which im grateful for. I will more than likely speak to my sisters about arranging a family counselling session. She has said that she feels she doesn't need to have therapy but she has seen two doctors and they have both suggested she should attend therapy.

Re: it's all too much

 

That is excellent to hear, @pegasus123, and also quite normal that despite this training you still felt upset or overwhelmed after it all. It's even more great news to hear how good of a support system you have! You're very lucky to have that.

Yeah that's great if your sister is slowly getting on board with the counselling. I think it's also good to remind her that the therapy for a whole family can really help construct a holistic approach to recovery, whether all or only one member needs it!

we are what we repeatedly do - aristotle