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Re: loosing the will to go on

my sisters already think the same and so does my mum about my life and work, actually everything.  Theres been a few times where my middle sister said im nearly old enough to get a job and ive offerred to help.
And every time mum and her and mum bf start talking they always turn it back on me. And say you cant sit around the house like your sister does or my sister will talk about a job and ill say well if you want a job ill help write a resume cause you can't not work. You need an income as well and she alwats says why you sit around all day and dont work.
They always turn it back on me. I dont know why it hit a nerve last night. Ive always known how they feel. They think im lazy and don't work. They hate me. They are embarrassed of me and it got even worse when i said i needed help and then it got even worse when i went to hospital.
When i got out i saw half the crap my mother was putting on fb. She never specified hospital though. More along the guilt trip things and attention serking pity things. Advertising for thing like 'a new babysitter' things like those stupid name tests and when it comes up with my nan she would tag everyone involved but me and when it comes up partner in crime and it comes up me she write 'uh huh' yet with my sisters or her bf its a big awesome write up.

These little things i know shouldn't matter but all these little things add up and they sting.

And the one thing i thought i was doing ok at was educating her horse and now she wants to get other people to train her. Kids mind you. Theres a gurl we know whos a rough nut and mum wants her to ride her. That stings because i thought i was going ok with her but i cant even do thst right @Bree-RO@redhead@Bree-RO

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: loosing the will to go on

hello @anonymousnobody

as in your feeling suicidal? or family troubles?

im happy to help where i can with anything. i havent met you yet have you got a thread wher you have introduced yourself?

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: loosing the will to go on

Hi @scared01 if it makes you feel better I know exactly what you mean. Basically I have 3 other siblings who all have the same dad... of course I have a different one. Basically, my little sister was just born and my mum got her birth certificate, everyone else's names were on there except for Mine and this was because I have a seperate dad compared to them!! Now idk my dad at all and I've never met him but it broke my heart because I feel like I'm not part of the family as much. I get told to do work because I'm "older" and because I'm the eldest out of us 4, I'm told I need to be doing stuff normal teenagers would do. Now I have no one to talk to and when people say they are there for me, they ain't. But as you said, it's those little things that slowly break me to the point I've been self-harming. I know things are hard, but if we work together and come up with plans and try them, it may help us overcome this and I know that we both want to feel like we are worth soemthing and that people care about us.

Re: loosing the will to go on

Can I just say that it's really heart-warming to see you both supporting each other, even while you're going through some really rough times @scared01 @anonymousnobody Heart

 

(Also I did a super quick edit as we tend not to mention specific methods of self-harm. No biggie Smiley Happy)

______________________________________________________
No human being, however great or powerful, was ever so free as a fish

Re: loosing the will to go on

I feel like i cant even go home 

I dont belong there 

Im probably going to get in trouble even though ive been out all day

I dont belong here.

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: loosing the will to go on

Let me know if there is anything I can do to make you feel better or help you out in this situation!! Smiley Happy

Re: loosing the will to go on

I cant stay where i am but i dont want to go home Smiley Sad

Ita not even a home. Its a house 

I sont belong there 

My family is dissapointed in me and its hard to be around whem i know thats how they think of me

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: loosing the will to go on

They don't even know i know. I wasnt meant ro hear there last conversation 

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**
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Re: loosing the will to go on

Just stay strong, I'm always here to help!! @scared01

Re: loosing the will to go on

im at home now. im not really enjoying being here. but im so tired. i called a helpline as well just before i came home. . ive had 1 hours sleep and i feel like crap. i feel sick.

im sick of being sick.

ive got my psychologist tomorrow. i start traauma work tomorrow. maybe i might be able to look at my sisters without almost falling apart and remembering all of what happened.

last night emotions are still hanging around and i feel sick thinking about how my perpretrator has used me like that and then threatened to take his own life if i stopped.

its all too much!  Smiley Sad Smiley Sad Smiley Sad Smiley Sad

 

@Bree-RO@Ben-RO @TOM-RO

@lokifish@honky@anonymousnobody

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**