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Re: loosing the will to go on

i have to catch up on my studies @TOM-RO before i fall too far behind so im trying to get abit of it done so im not too far behind.

when i got out of hospital these were the plans:

each week sit down and work out the days that mum and her bf are working which between those 2 they have 3 or 4 days off- not at the same time but rotated where ones at one and one isnt so i didnt have to worry so much about the kids. that changed within the first 2 weeks. i tried to keep up and say i wont be able to get the kids on some days but now its turned back around where im working only off mums schedule and most of the time shes works on weekends which means not only do i ahve the kids everyday after school or most days i also have them all over the weekend.

they should know how much its been impacting on me, they are the ones who almost put me in hospital with all their antics distressing the hell out of me to a point where the gp rang and ambulance and made me involuntary

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: loosing the will to go on

@scared01 Hope you've managed to smash out some of your studies tonight. That's really intense and it sounds like so much of your time is devoted to looking after the kids plus work/study. I get why you're frustrated - sometimes we need to take on the broken record approach which is the communicating the same message over and over again until it sinks in. Do you think you might be able to have a chat with your mum and her bf and explain how exhausted you're feeling and how you do need your own time to unwind as it's impacting your own mental health? 

Re: loosing the will to go on

ive gotten through the first module and completed the first assessment task so im back up to date now.

im too scared to talk to anyone because i get yelled at. i might see if i can speak to my aunty and see what she can advise me off. shes seeing things form the outside but knows everything thats going on including my SH and my hospital admission @TOM-RO

im tired and worn out, overhwhelmed, empty and also worthless and i just i dont know... its endless at the time

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: loosing the will to go on

@honky 

Im trying to not let my Suicide idealation ruin me

 

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: loosing the will to go on

Wohooo @scared01 good on you for smashing out the first module and assessment task- it's a nice feeling to know you're up to date with study (although this was a rare occurrence for me when I studied so I must say I'm very impressed). Good idea to speak to your auntie- she sounds like a really good person to speak to as she knows your family and knows you really well at the same time. I hear how exhausted and tired you are right now @scared01 Do you think you might be able to remind yourself of how hard you've been working to look after yourself and how you deserve some rest? And when the time is right, you can speak to your auntie about how you've been feeling and come up with a bit of a game plan about where to from here? 

Re: loosing the will to go on

Yeah i dont know how i managed to catch up. Ill relook at the assessment tomorrow to recheck it but ive finished more just editing now @TOM-RO

I think ill be asleep soon 

Ive taken all my meds. 3 different sorts 6 tablets in total coming from someone who never needed or wanted them. Hmmm how times change hey

 

Im hoping to get hold of her tomorrow. If this keeps up i dont know where ill end up. 

Im tired and if the thoughts continue to get stronger im not sure ill handle it. 

Im barely keeping a grip on it now. 

I need more than 2 hrs sleep tonight would be good too. I dont know how im moving on little sleep really

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: loosing the will to go on

I understand @scared01, it must be really hard for you right now. Would you like to talk about it? Heart

If there's anything I can help with, please let me know 😊

 

Re: loosing the will to go on

Im worried im going to loose grip @honky i dont want to do that. 

I want to be well. To be normal. To be able say depression hasnt defeated me but right now depression is defeating me and i cant stop it

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: loosing the will to go on

I can hear you're really struggling @scared01 and you're running on empty at the moment- hopefully you can get a solid sleep tonight to recharge. @scared01 when you say you've taken all your meds- is that your normal, prescribed, safe amount? Just want to make sure you're okay. 

Re: loosing the will to go on

I totally understand @scared01. I was also depressed, and would say it was definitely not easy. However, I always kept an ambitious goal in my mind and that would keep me going. I tried not to care what others think about me, and tried to be selfish. In that, I would achieve my goal, despite what others think. What do you think?