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Re: loosing the will to go on

I know it certainly must be very hard to bring this up in session no doubt @scared01 ... I think it will be really good though especially as there are people specialised in flashbacks and coping with nightmares etc. There's strategies that can help you that are out there - do you think one day you would be able to let them know?

Re: loosing the will to go on

@Bree-RO i will. 

All 3 of my health professionals  are saying trauma work is not a good idea right now. 

Work on distress tolerance skills  and the surface stuff until more stable

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: loosing the will to go on

Hi @scared01, if you don't mind me asking, how are you finding the distress tolerance skills and surface stuff? Is it helping you?

Re: loosing the will to go on

i havent really been working on the distress tolerance skills. the only thing that works is SH when i get into a state.

i need to work on the truama and help get rid of my nightmares and thoughts and emotions as they revolve my life and how much it sucks but i need to work on the surface stuff so thats not in the way when i start working on truama @honky

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: loosing the will to go on

I went to my psychologist today. I was there for 3 hrs!!!!
I am feeling really drained.

I was so nervous. I forgot to talk about the comparison thing.
Shes helping me get myself ready for the full week of responsibility inlcuding having the kids 24/7 through the school holidays while my mother and her bf go on holiday.
Shes trying to help me get my mother to actually get back into the mother roll rather than me being a mum,dad, sister brother and everything else in between.

I want to be a sister not a mother and right now thats not happening. I have to speak to my mother about that and how I wont cope being left like that and im worried ill end up in hospital. She said that if it goes pear shaped and im not coping and it turns into an argument then I can ring her for extra support to either help get my brain back together or give her permission to speak to my mother about it and get her back on board and open her eyes instead of shutting me out.

both myself and her are worried that this will put me back into hosiptal because its too much too soon. Its only been 2 months since ive been out. So we are both trying to get me back into a more stable state and work out what I can do etc.

we nudged abit of the trauma (not the SA) but it was ok...
she explained quite a few things about my upbringing and why I am the way that I am and also how the brain develops through the ages.
When your younger if you arent nurtured, its actaully proven that you dont really know how to self soothe. Because you adapt to your environment for example your crying crying crying so what do some parent do try to shut you up and your parents shove a dummy in your mouth and keep doing that instead of soothing you, you eventually learn to just stay quiet. You wont cry unless your hungry or your basic needs arent being met. So instead of talking to people and getting help, you shut yourself out and do the quiet things such as reading a book to squash down your feelings.
She is happy not to be jumping straight into trauma work and thinks ive made the wise decision to work on the things bothering me right now and help myself through life and when I begin to be ok then start to work on tauma. She also thinks before I get into trauma work I need to have those supports in place. Then start working on triggers and then get right into the trauma.

Because I either feel nothing or feel too much she wants me to do a mood journal in accordance with the triggers. That way we can work out what it is that keeps pushing me over the edge, besides the constant triggers but what is it that really sends me over the edge esp into the suicidal state.

We talked about the self harm and also the suicidal thoughts. And how they are always there but they get strong that I cant ignore them and then put me into that state of mind like I have been. Shes very worried about that. She wants to help me through that as well. She said that as I get older and find what I think is a purpose and begin to enjoy life again, those thoughts may fade and become a distant memory. A time to look back on and say 'ive made it through that'

 

@honky@Bree-RO@N1ghtW1ng@letitgo@DruidChild

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: loosing the will to go on

@mspaceK 

Above msg

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: loosing the will to go on

@scared01 I can see how upsetting this must be for you. It does sound really distressing.
I've high fived your reply because you have identified 2 red flags for yourself, and you are trying to work through them. This can take a lot of courage and strength. So I really wanted to acknowledge that.


I read through the rest of the replies, and I wanted to tell you how proud I am for you! Making the decision to postpone your psych appointment was brave. It was BRAVE of you to show up today! You got through it. Remember that. I can empathise with how scary that could have been for you. I also found it VERY scary to seek help at first and see a psychologist - I did similar to what you described, shutting down and just waiting it out. BUT it got easier to talk to her. After a while I found it to not be as scary. So I want you to know it can get easier.

I read through your post about where the psych wants to go, but wanting to ensure that you are in the right place and have the appropriate supports in place. That sounds good. What do you think about her plan? SO you like/agree with it?

 


Next weeks Getting Real: SCAVENGER HUNT RO STYLE!
Don't forget to practice self-care regularly!

Re: loosing the will to go on

@scared01 I remember you mentioned all the work you had to do and how you weren't able to take a break. That's really tough. Smiley Sad 

Re: loosing the will to go on

yes @mspaceK 

my work takes up alot of my time.

i worked it out to be 14-16 hours a day that im working and thats 7 days a week with not many breaks in between

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: loosing the will to go on

hi @Bee 

it gets very distressing and most of the time i just dont know what to do with it all.

 

it wasnt that i was scared to go, it was seeing the point in going.

the last time i went i realised i was a mistake and was sent off the deep end.

it was too dangerous to go yesterday, if i had of made one other discovery that didnt sit well with me i might not be here or being alot worse off then when i walked in there as in injuries.

i couldnt handle it and i shouldnt have been driving but i did but im still ok.

 

yeah my mum and her bf are going away for a week and its not sitting well with me so shes helping me to plan ahead

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**