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mum is still finding negative things to yell at me about....

I am so over my mum finding negative thing s in my life to yell at me for, just then she said we need to talk about your bf. And I was like why then she said there's a few things that she reccons he's bad for. I want to leave this house right away, but my bfs house is full. I really hate her and I want to get away from her, no matter what.
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Re: mum is still finding negative things to yell at me about....

Hey @manlyforlife 

 

I'm sorry to hear that your mum has persisted with yelling out negative stuff about your boyfriend. I can definitely understand your frustration and anger towards her. My mum did the same thing with my current relationship, then I'd always yell back - saying that she couldn't talk about anything horrible since she married my dad. I recommend you don't go down the same route that I did - it just adds more fuel to the fire. 

 

How about taking some time out? This could be staying in your room and finding some ways to relax. If she's really going at it, with talking about your boyfriend, you can give it a go but set some hardline boundaries. These could be something like: 

 

1. Time limit - Say that you'll only talk for about 10 minutes

2. Topic - It must stay on topic and shouldn't drift away from it. It could be suggested that each of you write 3 points and present them briefly. 

3. Manner - This should only be discussed in a mature manner. Negative criticisms and cussing are not allowed, or otherwise, you will stop the conversation and leave it at that. 

4. Break - If it starts to get heated, you could recommend a break time or you could stop it entirely. 

 

Have you briefly spoken to your boyfriend what's going on right now? And are there any relatives or friends that you could bunk with for a while? 

 

Hang in there and let us know how you go~

___________________________________________________
Stay excellent
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Re: mum is still finding negative things to yell at me about....

I have told him, he knows. And no

Re: mum is still finding negative things to yell at me about....

hey @manlyforlife 

 

i think conflict with parents can feel really draining, and frustrating, because it feels like you have no power or say in your own life. you try to explain your point of view but it's like they don't hear a word you're saying. do you ever feel like that?

 

the thing i have learnt though, is that while all that is EXTREMELY annoying, and it makes you mad, they really are doing it because they think they have your best interests at heart. it doesn't mean they are always right! but its important to remember that they aren't trying to make things hard for us on purpose. they think they are helping us... they just go about it the wrong way and then ultimately it feels like they are making everything worse.

 

if i was in your situation with my parents now, i would probably just take a few deep breaths. listen to what they had to say. and at the end say 'i respect that you feel this way, and understand you are concerned, but i know (boyfriends name) really well and i disagree with what you are saying. i will keep what you have said in mind, but i hope you will also respect that this is ultimately my decision".

 

you don't need to yell back at your mum, or really even get involved in all the stuff she is bringing up. just listen, tell her you respect her opinion but that it's really your decision and you need to go with what your heart and head are saying...

 

i think @Myvo has listed some pretty good tips there for when you are communicating with your mum. the time limit one is really great i think. so maybe next time you could try adding bits and pieces of our advice together - and see if that works?

 

lanejane